Lisa Tomlinson – Children’s Aid Society of Toronto

1. Supporting Survivors by Supporting Staff:Understanding Men who use violence and Interventions in order to maximize Victims’ Safety Lisa Tomlinson – Children’s Aid Society of Toronto Greg Babcock – Catholic Family Services of Toronto

2. Introductions • CFST plays an active role in supporting women survivors, offering services to men and advocating for social change – ending Woman Abuse. • Who I am and where I am coming from?

3. Introductions • The role of child welfare and engaging men who use violence against women and children • Who am I and where I am coming from?

4. Workshop Overview • Why do men use violence • Video – Jackson Katz • What we know about men who use violence • Parenting capacity of men who use violence • Interventions for men

5. Why do men use violence? • Generate a list of reasons

6. Video • Tough Guise – Jackson Katz

7. Valuing women’s experiences • It is important for me, a male social worker, working with men who use abuse, to acknowledge and validatewomen’s experiences. • To value a feminist framework. • Not doing so, closes me (men) off in a “male-centered bubble.” • Valuing a feminist framework, reduces the risk of colluding with men who use abuse. • Inclusion of a feminist framework is a way of being part of the solution rather than the problem.

8. Why engage men? By engaging men we: • Validate a woman and child’s experience • Give men opportunities to be better fathers and partners • Assess risk to women and children • There is no single psychological profile for men who use violence

9. Characteristics of men who use violence

10. Some characteristics of men who use abuse(see Bancroft, L and Silverman, J.G. (2002) The Battering Problem in The Batterer as Parent: Addressing the Impact of Domestic Violence on Family Dynamics (pp. 5-37), Thousand Oaks, CA; Sage) • Control • Entitlement • Selfishness and self-centeredness • Superiority • Possessiveness • Confusion of love and abuse (and anger) • Manipulativeness • Contradictory statements and behaviour • Externalizing of responsibility • Denial, minimization and victim blaming • Serial battering • Authoritarianism • Undermining of the mother • Ability to perform under observation

11. Types of Abusive Men • The Demand man • Mr. Right • The Water Torturer • The Drill Sergeant • Mr. Sensitive • The Player • The Victim • The Terrorist • (see Bancroft, L (2002) Why Does He Do That? Thousand Oaks, CA; Sage)

12. Abusive tactics used by men

13. Understand why he uses violence • Maintain control • Compromise the relationship between mother and child

14. Three types to consider when planning for safety Gondolf, 2002; 2004 • Moderately violent men (50%) • Violence contained in the home • Does not cause significant injury • Can show empathy • No criminal record • Best prospect for change • Possessive or obsessive men (25%) • Anxious, dependent, insecure attachment • Monitor, stalk and harass • May or may not have a criminal records • Can pose a risk to women and children

15. Three types to consider when planning for safety Gondolf, 2002; 2004 • Anti-Social or hyper-violent abusive men (25%) • Will have history of criminal assaults against others • Always need to prove himself • Attempt to dominate partner, community professionals, authority • intimidating • Less likely to make any change

16. Three types to consider when planning for safety Gondolf, 2002; 2004 • Share patterns of behaviours • Project blame • Private and public displays • Attempt to undermine her parenting • Change the rules

17. Six Risk Factors Associated with Dangerousness and Lethality 1. Pending or imminent separation 2. Prior history of domestic violence 3. Obsessive behaviour by the perpetrator 4. Depression in the perpetrator 5. Escalation of violence in a relationship 6. Prior history of threats to kill the victim (Office of the Chief Coroner, 2008)

18. Parenting Practices Three considerations when assessing an abusive man’s parenting capacity • The extent to which the abusive man poses a threat to the children • Parenting style • Psychological functioning and implications for parenting. Mederos, 2004

19. Children’s coping strategies What you may see with children: • Caretaker • Mother’s confidant • Abuser’s confidant • Abuser’s assistant • Perfect child • Referee • Scapegoat (Cunningham and Baker 2004)

20. Parenting Practices • More likely to spank, assert power and control, be more neglectful and under involved - (Bancroft and Silverman 2002a) • However, children maintain an emotional attachment to fathers, access between father and children should be done in a manner that ensures safety • Wanting to be a good dad is often a motivator for change

21. Thought • Can men who use violence change?

22. At Catholic Family Services Toronto • We do not present men as victims. • Our focus on engaging men is around reducing alienation as this only serves to distance men from needed prevention and treatment services. • We constantly invite men to hold themselves accountable for choices & changes they want to make. • Non-engagement = men without intervention

23. Can men who use abuse change? • Thoughts/Feelings? • Movement away from blame toward personal responsibility is a process that takes time, commitment, hard work, and a willingness to self-examine. Change will not and does not happen overnight.

24. How we engage: An invitational approach Looking outside the Power & Control Box • Inspired by the work of narrative therapists such as Todd Augusta-Scott and Alan Jenkins (also influenced by Attachment Theory); • An invitational approach opens up conversations for men to talk about their multiple stories regarding their lives, experiences, identities, and preferred views; • These multiple stories are not restricted to narratives involving the Power & Control script (the Duluth model); • We find men are more likely to share vulnerabilities when an invitational approach is taken rather than one of confrontation and direct challenge.

25. Power and Control stance often reinforces the behaviours we are trying to change “…highly confrontational interventions often preclude empathic and respectful listening and may reinforce the client’s view that relationships are inevitably grounded in coercion and control, rather than in understanding and support” (Augusta-Scott and Dankwort, p.800). We also believe that taking a direct, confrontational approach with men who abuse tends to increase defensiveness, resistance, and opposition to engaging in `change work.’

26. Pitfall engagement • The trap we can fall into when meeting with male clients is being too rigid, having a fixed agenda and then bombarding them with questions to meet our end; • When we do this, we lose the art of making a genuine connection with the man and alienate him; • By not taking the time to get to know the man and just bombarding him with a series of well-intentioned questions, we send a message to the man that `we are better than’ and `they are less than.’ • Dichotomous thinking can lead us to replicate `power & control’ in our work with men; the very pattern we are trying to change • (see Augusta-Scott, p. 220)

27. Creating a Context for Change - Initial Engagement • Good practice around establishing a therapeutic relationship/working alliance with clients whether male or female involves conveying warmth, empathy, genuineness, and sincere interest in their well-being and life situation (past, present, future); • This can go a long way in terms of increasing client motivation and self-efficacy; • Therefore, from the point of initial contact with men, we focus on relationship building (getting to know the man, his perspective, and world view);

28. We invite men to examine their fathering We engage men by aligning with their positive intentions (particularly around fathering); • This provides an opening (a foot-in-the door); • To gain entry; • Into inviting men to explore more emotionally loaded topics such as their use of abuse toward their partner and/or child, victim empathy, their exposure to violence while growing up and so forth.

29. We invite men to examine their values We invite men to talk about their positive intentions, beliefs, attitudes & personal values. Responsibility Trust Reliability Love & compassion Credibility Respect Equality Safety

30. Creating Dissonance and Inviting Responsibility We encourage men to take a look at how their abusive behaviour gets in the way of their positive intentions, personal ethics and values, their preferred view of self and their relationships with their partner/ex-partner and/or child. We invite men to take responsibility for the effects of their abuse on their partner and/or child.

31. Caring Dads at CAST in partnership with Dr. Katreena Scott Developed by Dr. Katreena Scott, Tim Kelly • Overcoming resistance to change: The importance of discussing healthy fathering before challenging abusive fathering. • It is necessary to work collaboratively with other service providers to ensure that men’s participation in Caring Dads does not have unintended negative effects on women and children, but instead has the potential to improve children’s lives • The need for a lead agency with a feminist analysis of abuse and an appreciation of men’s roles as fathers. • The importance of community.

32. Accountability Principles of Caring Dads • Accountability to the safety and well-being of children. • Accountability to the safety of children’s mothers. • Responsibility to fathers. • Accountability to the community • Co-ordinated case management

33. Caring Dads Program Goal 1. To develop sufficient trust and motivation to engage men in the process of examining their fathering. Goal 2. To increase men’s awareness of child-centered fathering. Goal 3. To increase men’s awareness of, and responsibility for, abusive and neglectful fathering. Goal 4. To consolidate learning, rebuild trust, and plan for the future.

34. Questions?

35. Caring Dads Program • Screening interviews • Interview and goal setting with child protection worker • VAW communicating with mother weekly • Mid point meeting with CP worker • Final meeting with CP worker and report • Connecting fathers to ongoing services