Mediation for parents in Norway

1. Island 7. mars 2014 Mediation for parents in Norway Psychologist and mediator Tor -AndrèRibe -Anderssen Legal advisor and mediator Toril Stray

2. Island 7. mars 2014 Ministry for Children, Equality and Social Inclusion Directorate for Children, Youth and Family Affairs Regional office. Eastern Norway Regional office, Western Norway Regional office Northern Norway Regional office, Central Norway Regional office, Southern Norway

3. Island 7. mars 2014 Family councelling services • 49 Family councelling services in Norway • Licensedmediators • The Actof Family Councelling Offices • The ActofMarriage • The ActofChildren and Parents

4. Island 7. mars 2014 Who are entitled to mediate • Professionals working in famililycounselling services • Lawyers • Psychologists • Psychiatrists • Clergymen • Professionals working at schoolpsychology services or socialwelfareoffices and other persons withhealth or socialsciencequalifications • License from Bufeat is requiered

5. Island 7. mars 2014 Mandatory mediation for parents

6. Island 7. mars 2014 Norwegian law

7. Island 7. mars 2014 Written agreement • Parental responsibility • Where to live permanently • Right ofaccess

8. Island 7. mars 2014 The best interest of the child • The agreement should always be in the best interest of the child • Children`s right to express their opinion • The mediator shall always focus on the best interest of the child and the right of the child to express its opinion • Other topics in mediation

9. Island 7. mars 2014 The mediator shall: • give the parents information • help the parents reaching a written agreement • shall support discussion between parents on how to take care of their children when they don’t live together • help and guide the parents in how to make good decisions • help the parents avoiding conflicts, by helping them find their best way to cooperate

10. Island 7. mars 2014 7 hours mediation • 1 mandatorymeeting • Sixhoursofoptionalmediation

11. Island 7. mars 2014 Mediation certificate • Requiredbeforeapplication for separation • Requiredbeforeapplying for additionalchildbenefit • Requiredbefore a case can be brought to court • Mediationcertificate, valid for 6 months

12. Island 7. mars 2014 • The mediation is freeof charge • 3 weeks from requestingthemediationuntilthe first meeting • Normallyfinishedwithin 6 months, butmay last for 1 year

13. Somenumbers 20.000 – 21.000 newmediation cases per year • 77% familycounsellingoffices23% externalmediators • Approx. 35 % separatingspouses 31% cohabitingcouples 34% beforebringing a case to court • 75 % ofparentsreach an agreement in mediation. • 62 % quitmediationafteronehourofmandatorymediation.

14. How the Court handles cases under the Children Act • Mediation by the Court • Resolution by judgement

15. Parents in mediation-diverse methodologicalapproaches

16. Programme • Historyofmediation in 5 minutes • Recentupdates - SINTEF and FORM • Alliance withparents in themediationroom • How to motivate for furtheroptionalmediation? • High-conflictmediation • Young children– whataregoodagreements? • Questions

17. Summary: • Parental conflictsareassosiatedwithhigherlevelsofdepression, anxiety, aggression, selfdestructivebehaviour and lowselfesteemamongchildren and youth. • High conflicts lead to a higherdegreeofadaptation problems for children and youth. • Mediationcanreduceconflictsamongparents, butwedon´tknowifmediationcontribute to less negative consequences for children.

18. Summary: • Parental coursescan show positive effectsafterdivorce. • Mediationcan show positive effects for couples during divorce or right afterdivorcewhentrying to reachagreements . • It is importantthatinterventions have a certaintimelength (not tooshort) to reach positive resultswithparents in conflict. This is even more important in high-conflict cases

19. An integrative approach • The focus in mediation is the situation for the family today and in the future. The mediator works to make the parents reach a written agreement by enhancing their own competence, confirming emotional reactions and by stopping negative dialogue. Østensjøprosjektet – O.A. Tjersland

20. Narrative mediation • People take (and offers) different positions in a conversation. • Thesepositionscan be short or quite stable. • To opposepositioning is necessary for makingchange in peoples lives. • Mediation makes repositioningpossible. Narrative mediationgives an opportunity for repositioning and invitesparentsintostoriesofcooperationbeforeadressing problems.

21. A definiton of family mediation • A cooperative process with divorcing parents assisted by a mediator who works to be impartial, and where all desitions are taken by the parents. • Focus in mediation are questions about today and the future, and at the same time take relevant actions to fasilitate the conversationprosess between the parties. (Tjersland og Gulbrandsen, 2010)

22. Dimensional axes in mediation Focus on relationalcircumstances (Therapy) (Transformative) High structure Low structure (Discussion) (Negotiation) Caseoriented T-J. Ekeland

23. SINTEF and FORM • Reaching conflict-ridden families represent the greatest challenge to current parental mediation. • Adapting methodology to the dynamic of the conflict • Less information in high conflict cases, more focus on relation/communication. • Alliance and hope • Revision of laws regarding mediation • Neither Sintef or FORM point out any spesific methodological approach.

24. Summary - • From theperspectiveofparents, mediationseems to functionwell. The majorityaresatisfied, and most appear to be positive to mediationbeingmandatory. • Time used in mediation is significantlyreduced (pursuant to theMinistryofChildren, Equality and SocialInclusion´samendmentwichreducedmandatorymediation) from threehours to onehour. • The goal ofincreasedflexibility has beenreached; howeverthe dilemma remainsthat in a relative highproportionof one-hourmediations, noagreement is reached (22 %). These cases have a significantlyhigherincidenceofconflict and otherissuessuch as mental health problems, substanceabuse and aggressive behaviour. Usuallyone or bothparentswish to bring such cases to Court.

25. Summary - • To someextent, themediatoradaptsthecontentofthemediation to thecomplexityofthe case, a usefulrationalewhenone or bothparentswantno more thanonehourmediation Possibleimplications: • 1. Different mandatorytimeframe for parentsbringingtheir case to Court. • 2. Furtherdevelopmentofmethodologicalapproaches in mediation, especiallydesigned for parentswho most likelywill bring their case to Court. • 3. Three areas for development: High-conflict cases, multicultural cases, children in mediation.

26. Tools for strenghtening the alliance • Confirmingbothparents: summaries, focus, activelistening, taking notes. • Establish a common goal for mediation. • Structure and leadership: taking turns, sortingoutcontent (where do we start?, whowillbegin?) • Focusonrelationalcircumstancesbeforecaseorientation. • Enhanceparentsowncompetence • Movingofftracknow and then • To stop them in a friendlyway: Thankyou, is it ok ifwe…. … • Metacommentsthatacceptirrationalbehaviour and reactions. • Time (FORM-prosjektet, 2010)

27. High-conflict mediation • When one of the parents wants to leave, and the other parent wants to keep the family together • Sudden breakups tend to increase conflicts. • The one left behind tends to be frustrated and angry, and so are their actions. • When one of the parents already is involved in a new relationship. • When one of the parents worry that the other parent does not see the childrens needs. • Children act on their own, and their actions can be interpreted differently.

28. How do we notice the conflict? • It is outofthequestionthatyournewgirlfriend is coming to thechildrensschoolgathering! • Am I supposed to pay for thechildrensfootballcampwhenthis is somethingyouwantedthechildren to go to? • OfcourseI´m not responding to your e-mails whenyoucan´t be polite!

29. How to confirm emotional reactions? 1. Structuralapproaches • Clarifyingframework and instructions • Stopping negative outbursts 2. Expandingmeaning 3. Looking for needs, requests and intensions in emotionaloutbursts. (O.A.Tjersland – Samlivsbrudd og foreldreskap)

30. Young children and right of access. • One home for babies, withregularly right ofaccesswiththeotherparent (everyday, or withfewdaysinbetween). • 2-3 yearolds have developed a more advancedmemorysystem • Developmentalpsychology, attachment and individualdifferences. • The best interestofthechild • One area where parental and childrensneeds, not necessarilyfittogehther. (Kilde: Barneombudet)

31. Why not straight to Court? • Some studies show thatcompared to bringingthe case to Court, mediationreach an agreement faster, theyare more detailed, and lead to more right ofaccess and less conflicts over time. • Studies show thatmediation lead to betterresultsthanagreementsreachedthrough Court. Rapport 2012:2 - Folkehelseinstituttet

32. Receipt for success • These processes take time. Don´t give up! • Meet the parents where they are. Confirm emotions, recognize hope, needs and possible solutions. • Don´t stop looking for openings and golden moments. • Creativity, structure and models • Choice of words, tone of voice and nonverbal communication. • Look for small positive changes, investigate and recognize their effect. • Don´t forget: Turningpoints often happen when everything seems hopeless. • Consult other mediators for new inspiration.

33. Family Portrait (Pink) Momma please stop cryin, I can’t stand the sound Your pain is painful and its tearin' me down I hear glasses breakin as I sit up in my bed I told dad you didn’t mean those nasty things you said You fight about money, bout me and my brother And this I come home to, this is my shelter It ain’t easy growin up in World War III Never knowin what love could be, you’ll see I don’t want love to destroy me like it has done my family Can we work it out? Can we be a family? I promise I’ll be better, Mommy I’ll do anything Can we work it out? Can we be a family? I promise I’ll be better, Daddy please don’t leave

34. Daddy please stop yellin, I can’t stand the sound Make mama stop cryin, cuz I need you around My mama she loves you, no matter what she says its true I know that she hurts you, but remember I love you, too I ran away today, ran from the noise, ran away Don’t wanna go back to that place, but don’t have no choice, no way It ain’t easy growin up in World War III Never knowin what love could be, well I've seen I don’t want love to destroy me like it did my family Can we work it out? Can we be a family? I promise I’ll be better, Mommy I’ll do anything Can we work it out? Can we be a family? I promise I’ll be better, Daddy please don’t leave

35. In our family portrait, we look pretty happy Let’s play pretend, let's act like it comes naturally I don’t wanna have to split the holidays I don’t want two addresses, I don’t want a step-brother anyways And I don’t want my mom to have to change her last name In our family portrait we look pretty happy We look pretty normal, let's go back to that In our family portrait we look pretty happy Let's play pretend, act like it goes naturally In our family portrait we look pretty happy We look pretty normal, let's go back to that In our family portrait we look pretty happy Let's play pretend act and like it comes so naturally In our family portrait we look pretty happy We look pretty normal, let's go back to that

36. Daddy don’t leave Daddy don’t leave Daddy don’t leave Turn around please Remember that the night you left you took my shining star? Daddy don’t leave Daddy don’t leave Daddy don’t leave Don't leave us here alone Mom will be nicer I’ll be so much better, I’ll tell my brother Oh, I won’t spill the milk at dinner I’ll be so much better, I’ll do everything right I’ll be your little girl forever I’ll go to sleep at night

37. Questions