Every Day

1. Every Day By David Levithan When You're Gone - Avril Lavigne

2. Day 5994 I wake up. I have to figure out who I am. someone else. Every day I am I am myself – I know I am myself - But I am also someone else. It has always been like this.

3. Her name is Rhiannon. I know from experience that beneath every peripheral girl is a central truth. A sound waiting to be a word. I want to give her a good day. I feel myself connecting. closeness. and When I was younger, I craved friendship But after a while, I had to stop. It was too heartbreaking to live with so many separations. Knowledge is the only thing I take with me when I go. She navigates, I drive. I am trying not to think of what will happen next. I am trying not to think of endings.

4. This is hard for me. stay. I never want to I’m always ready to leave. But not tonight. I want to stay. I pray to stay.

5. Day 5995 It feels like I am wasting time. My life doesn’t add up to anything. Yesterday is another world. I want to get back to her. I want to get back to yesterday.

6. All I get is tomorrow. The enormity rises within me. I want her to see me , even though I know she can’t. Our time is up. Poor Nathan Daldry. monster for doing this to him. I am a But I have my reason. Who does he think I am? What does he think I am? Now there are other people involved.

7. Day6002 If I’ve gotten used to my life, could somebody else? If she doesn’t believe me, if she doesn’t feel the enormity , “It’s not possible.” then I will simply seem like one more person let loose in the world. crazy There’s not much to lose in that. But, of course, it will feel like losing everything. “I want to tell you the truth before I switch again. Because I think you’re remarkable. Because I don’t want to keep meeting you as different people. I want to meet you as myself. I didn’t mean to do it. I didn’t mean to fall in love with you. I am not going to convince her. I know you think that Justin loves you deep down, but I love you through and through.” Not like this. Not here.

8. “What’s your name?” “A.” “Just A?” “Just A.” “Who are you today?” “For you, I’m always A.”

9. Day 6005 “You try to leave lives the way you found them?” “Yeah.” What made that so different?” “But what about Justin? “You.” “This is definitely weird.” “In your heart, does any of that matter?” In my heart, it doesn’t. “When I kiss you, I’m not kissing you. cry.” I’m kissing , and I want to her “Let’s stick to e-mail for now.” And just like that, the universe goes wrong. I feel it, and she doesn’t. ENORMITY Or I feel it, and she won‘t.

10. Day6012 Day 6010 “Imagine being homesick and not having a home.” I am four hours away from her. The time still feels empty. Nothing. I run. I am made for running. Because when you run, you could be anyone.

11. The Devil Among Us I am not the devil. One simple line, but it admits too much. Prove it. I am not the devil, but I could be. We all have the potential to commit crime. But we choose not to. Every single day, we choose not to. I am no different. I am not the devil. No proof, then? Get help.

12. Day 6015 I wake up. I am not four hours away from her, or one hour, or even fifteen minutes. No, I wake up in her house. In her room. In her body. Every moment is delicate. Our breath slows together. Sleep takes us at the exact same time.

13. Day 6017 I still want proof. Why aren’t you talking to me? You did this to me. I deserve an explanation. You have to be the devil. Only the devil would leave me like this. Do you have any idea what it’s like for me now? Who are you? How am I supposed to believe you? Answerless questions can destroy you. Move on. I have more questions. You can’t leave now. The only way to survive is to let some of them go.

14. Day 6020 Day 6019 Day 6018 Day 6021 Day 6022 I feel like a pretender. Right now, I am here with her completely. But tomorrow, I don’t know. Tomorrow I may be gone. What I feel is helplessness. “I thought you were coming. And you never came.” It is not my intention to leave Rhiannon crying, but that is exactly what I do.

15. Day 6028 “There are no others like me.” “Of course there are, Andrew. different doesn‘t mean you’re unique. Just because you’re You still haven’t learned how to make it last longer single day.” than a I don’t want to believe him. I want to think he’s an actor, a charlatan, a fake. But when I looked closely at him, I saw someone else inside. I saw someone who doesn’t play by the same set of rules. I am not the only one. It can change everything. There are others. Or it can change nothing. It’s my choice.

16. Day 6029 It’s what I want. To stay in a single body. But at the same time, it’s not what I want. To lead a single life. If there was no one else involved, it would be an easy choice. But isn’t that always the case? And there’s always someone else involved. There’s an email from Rhiannon. I want her reassurance. I want her advice. I want her help. But I don’t think that’s what she wants.

17. Day 6033 Every person is a possibility. She is my first and only love. This will be the only chance I give myself. This will never happen again. Murder. No love can outbalance that. Ultimately, the universe doesn’t care about us. That’s why we have to care for each other. Time moves on. The universe stretches out.

18. Day 6034 It is the change of the tide. For the first time in my life, I run.