Becoming a T otally R esponsible P erson

1. Becoming a Totally Responsible Person Your complete guide to being a successful person!

2. Overview of the TRP Lesson • We can learn to take personal responsibility for our emotions and attitudes. • We can learn to eliminate the “Victim Mentality” in ourselves. • We can learn to deal with the Victim Mentality in Others.

3. EQ = Emotional Intelligence IQ = Intelligence Quotient Which Is More Important? Much evidence testifies that people that are emotionally adept are at an advantage in any domain of life whether it be in romance or in a professional organization.

4. How Do You React to Situations? • Situation Reaction • Situation Choice Reaction

5. Awareness Allows Us to Make a Choice! • Situation Choice Response • The key to releasing the victim mentality is Self-Awareness.

6. Awareness of Our Victim Mentality 3 Components • Thoughts and Statements • Emotions • Behaviors • Body postures • Facial expressions • Tone of voice • Strategies

7. We Hear Music From Victims Everyday! The All-American Rejects One More Sad Song • Alone with you, alone with me. What can I do? I can not breath, my heart is torn, for all to see. Alone with you, alone with me. P Diddy Missing You • Life ain't always what it seem to be. Words can't express what you mean to me! Even though you're gone we still a team.

8. What Is a Victim? When a person is in the victim mode, he or she reacts in one or more of the following ways: • Shows anger, abrasiveness, and has outbursts • Exits. Leaves in a huff • Feels sorry for one’s self, gets depressed • Criticize, blames, or judges others • Becomes offended or touchy • Thinks about revenge • Spreads negativity • Sulks, pouts, mopes or acts moody

9. What Is a Victim? (continued) • Displays foot-dragging or lack of cooperation • Acts cynical or pessimistic and whines • Complains and criticizes to all that listen • Has attitude of self-righteousness • Has unsatisfactory work performance • Complains without offering a solution • Thinks about self and not others • Offers excuses when task not complete • Makes major decisions while in a negative mode that turn out badly and the consequences may last years

10. How Can We Change Our Victim Mentality? • Become aware of the times when we are entering into the victim mode. Learn how it looks and feels. Become sensitive to the recurring thoughts, emotions, and body posture.

11. Avoidingthe Victim Mentality • When we have a greater awareness to our victim mode, we can choose to cease or continue as a victim. • Create an environment that helps our self-awareness. Post the common victim statements and surround ourselves by positive thinking friends.

12. Avoiding the Victim Mentality • Take the list of common victim statements and underline those that we use most often, even add new ones. • Post the list in a prominent place.

13. Avoidingthe Victim Mentality • See the humorous side to the situation. We can all learn to laugh at ourselves when we catch ourselves in the state of teeth-gnashing or feeling sorry for ourselves. Learn that we don’t need to take ourselves too seriously!

14. Avoiding the Victim Mentality • Allow the victim “energy” to be transmitted into a positive channel rather than blowing off steam. • Learn from experiences in which we were a victim. Became aware of it, and turned ourselves into a Totally Responsible Person.

15. Avoiding the Victim Mentality • Serve others––the best remedy of all. By serving others, we are letting go of our own problems. Such service brings out the “best” in the server! JDRF

16. Dealing With a Victim–Avoid Rescuing and Enabling • Certain behaviors encourage victim behavior in others. Avoid: • Rescuing a victim by doing a task for them. They end up never learning to do it themselves. • Encouraging others by letting them know their victim behavior and negative emotional state are justified and acceptable.

17. Avoid “Makes Me” Language • One of the most commonly used phrases in our culture is “makes me.” • Janet really makes me angry. • That makes me happy. • Children make me nervous. “Janet makes me angry” is an example of un-self-responsible language. That choice of language helps you to see something or someone else as being in control of your responses to life. This diminishes your personal power.

18. People Around You Act Like You Do! • People around us tend to match our attitudes. • If we are pleasant to people, they tend to be pleasant to us. If we smile at people, they tend to smile back. They are unpleasant if we are unpleasant. If we are truthful with others, we are surprised if they lie to us.

19. A wise man was sitting at the city gate. A traveler approached and said, “I am thinking of moving from my city to this one. Can you tell me what the people here are like?” The wise man replied, “What are the people like in the city you come from?” “Oh,” said the traveler, “they are a nasty bunch; mean, selfish, and unfair.” Then the wise man said, “I think you will find people to be the same in this city.” The next day another traveler approached the wise man and said, “I am thinking of moving from my city to this one. Can you tell me what the people here are like?” The wise man replied, “What are the people like in the city you come from?” “Oh,” said the traveler, “they are kind, honest, generous, and friendly.” Then the wise man said, “I think you will find people to be the same in this city.” Your Attitude and Feelings of People

20. What Is a TRP? • When a person is not in the victim mode, he or she reacts in one or more of the following ways: • Doesn’t make important decisions when stuck in negative emotional tension or victim state. Instead they take time to cool off. • Takes criticism and feedback well and is not victimized by criticism. • Doesn’t blame others. • Takes responsibility for his or her emotional state. • Is able to admit ignorance and is not defensive. • Stays cool under pressure. • Is aware of his or her own feelings and emotions.

21. What Is a TRP? (continued) • Can express emotions at the right time, in the right way, to achieve a good purpose. • Is aware of the feelings of others. • Deals well with “change” and changing conditions. • Seeks solutions when faced with a problem instead of blaming and criticizing. • Learns from experience and mistakes. • Inspires others with positive demeanor and attitude. • Is able to handle setbacks and errors. • Takes initiative and is not resistant. • Cooperates with others. • Is clearheaded. Thinking is not clouded by negativity. • Has a positive attitude, is optimistic, and believes that problems can be solved.

22. Compare and Contrast • Use a Compare and Contrast chart to organize our understanding of a Victim vs. a TRP. • Use posters and word strips to identify behaviors of Victims and a TRP.