Victims, Villains and Heroes Managing Emotions in the Workplace

1. Victims, Villains and HeroesManaging Emotions in the Workplace

3. Don Phin, Esq. • Business and employment practices attorney since 1983. • President, Employer Advisors Network, Inc. • Developer of the HR That Works program endorsed by Vistage and used by 2700+ companies. • Author of three books on management. • More than 300 presentations to executives. • Live in Coronado, Ca • Married with 3 sons.

4. Shakespeare said… All the world’s a stage and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances. And one man in his time plays many parts.” As You Like It

5. Victim Villain Hero

6. The Plot

7. grief powerlessness low self esteem submissiveness anguish fearfulness suffering pain & suffering hopelessness feeling rejected incapacity naiveté fragility dependency depression “culture of silence” Portrait of a Victim

8. vulnerability devotion faithfulness receptivity gratefulness love sensitivity tenderness purity sweetness appreciation caring Underneath the Victim’s Pain Lies…

9. Why Do We Play Victim? …because it feels good!

10. Becoming a Victim • born that way • traumas in youth • workplace history

11. Dark Side of the Victim • dishonest • irresponsible • compulsive

12. Victims in the Workplace • 100 year battle • control is main theme • manifested in legal system

13. 1900’s

14. 1900’s

15. 1930’s

16. Race

17. Age

18. Sex

19. Disabilities

20. Dilbert

21. Lawsuit Explosion! • thousands of claims • employees win more than half • lottery like mentality

22. uncaring selfish addicted charming scheming moves with great speed cruel flattering arrogant seductive intolerant draining energy Portrait of a Villain

23. fun adventurous clever mischievous great communicator risk taker great negotiator wealthy irresistible takes what he or she wants Positive Side of the Villain But… it never lasts!

24. Making of a Villain • tired of being a victim • sucked in by a villain • shut down their feelings • hurl their pain at others

25. Villains in the Workplace • bosses • harassers and abusers • consultants

26. Bosses & Other Reptiles

27. Never Work for a Jerk

28. Handling the Serious Villain • avoid the physical • use inner strength • expose them • get help!

29. What Role Do You Think You Play??

30. caring powerful persevering helpful responsible idealistic honest in control determined compassionate sacrificing inspiring giving disciplined humble self-sacrificing Portrait of a Hero

31. The Making of a Hero • the drive to triumph • hero role models • motivated by a cause • extreme circumstances

32. over-controlling gullible always exhausted feels justified in being angry gives but can’t receive own’s others problems overly idealistic obsessive perfectionist neglects family for “the cause” detached from feelings murderous Dark Side of the Hero

33. Heroes in the Workplace • union organizers • lawyers and legislatures • enlightened leaders

34. The Drama of Work • it’s a thriller • at least two players • rush to play the victim role

35. All 3 Lie

36. Convict the Liar • feels unfair • gather evidence • ignites the triumph energy

37. You own 100% by yourself.

38. Relating at 50/50

39. Emotional Inequality • 20%’rs (victims) • 80%’rs (villains) • 80%’rs (negative heroes)

40. The 20/20 Relationship

41. The 80/80 Relationship

42. The 80/20 Relationship

43. The 40/40 Relationship

44. Moving From 20% to 40% • coax, encourage and inspire • focus on the efforts first • you can’t save all

45. Moving from 80% to 40% • stop running • become inclusive • have faith!

46. Bob

47. The Kid

48. Speaking For Yourself • YOU, YOU, YOU • use “I” words • ask them to speak about their experience, not yours

49. Baby, Light My Fire • procrastinate • hurl your pain • use their energy

50. Avoiding Conflict • “wow, that’s interesting!” • get out of the line of fire • walk and breath