From Warts to Wings: Ten Top Techniques for Helping Clients Re-Write Their Life Stories

1. From Warts to Wings: Ten Top Techniques for Helping Clients Re-Write Their Life Stories John Sommers-Flanagan, Ph.D. Department of Counselor Education University of Montana John.sf@mso.umt.edu Johnsommersflanagan.com

2. Intro Comments • Thanks to June and Kelly and Amanda and SDCA • On my way to Spearfish [And why I wanted to get here]

3. The Convention Center

4. This Morning’s Plan • Articulate 10+ key principles and strategies of human change that you can use immediately to help clients, students, parents and yourselves rework personal narratives • A summary handout and powerpoint slides are available at johnsommersflanagan.com

5. Morning Plan II • Organized by chapter: Each chapter has a story, a cartoon, and a concluding principle • Caveats [June: Just do a talk that’s inspirational, funny, is consistent with the conference theme, and includes counseling strategies.]

6. Introduction – Expectations

7. The Principle Expectations are strong narratives that create positive transformations or cause frustration and misery Manage your expectations or they’ll manage you.

8. Expectations for You • I tell a few stories that illustrate principles and strategies for creating a healthy life narrative and helping students and clients do the same • You listen, laugh at all the right times, and feel inspired

9. Chapter One: Two Wolves

10. The Principle Feed your positive wolf and Be aware of and let go of less desirable thoughts

11. Chapter Two: The Catatonic Woman

12. The Principle We should work hard to not judge clients, students, parents, and teachers based on their appearance or behavior…or their Karaoke performances

13. Chapter Three: Emma the Great

14. The Principle Use passionate rewards and boring consequences (and avoid backward behavior modification)

15. Chapter Four:The Satanic Golden Rule

16. Trivia Question • What is a significant problem or flaw associated with the Satanic Golden Rule?

17. Possible Trivia Answers • Revenge begets revenge – It never ends • You give away your power and become a negative follower instead of a positive leader

18. The Principle Create your own positive respect bubble . . . and watch out for the REVENGE IMPULSE

19. Chapter Five: Lemons

20. The Principle The lemon IS YELLOW It’s not what happens to us . . . But how we think about what happens to us . . . That causes us misery

21. Chapter Six: Powers of Mind

22. The Principle Use the power of your mind to creatively and relentlessly focus on your goals

23. Chapter Seven: Twenty Minutes

24. The Principle Be non-directive enough to allow clients and students freedom and then learn about what they’re trying to master And remember, clients, and especially young people, may treat you with ambivalence

25. Chapter Eight: Meeting Jesus at the Portland VA Hospital

26. The Principle If you want genuine cooperation Be less threatening

28. Chapter Nine: Learning to Growl

29. The Principle Change is easier if you make a good plan and then follow it

30. Chapter Ten: That Dog Don’t Hunt

31. The Principle Love can overshadow our own unique faults or warts

32. Bonus Chapter: Things Change with Time . . . So Pay Attention to Development

34. The Principle How you work with clients and students depends on where they are in terms of their development

35. Summary and Conclusions • Intro: Manage your expectations • Feed your positive wolf • Be careful in your judgments • Use passionate rewards and boring consequences • Create your own respect bubble; and watch out for revenge • It’s not what happens to you . . . but how you think . . .

36. Summary II • Use the power of mind to focus on your goals • Learn from observation and remember youth may treat you with ambivalence • If you want genuine cooperation, be less threatening • If you want to change behavior, make an new plan • Love can overshadow our warts • Pay attention to development