THE MANKIND INITIATIVE MALE VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC ABUSE

1. THE MANKIND INITIATIVEMALE VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC ABUSE • VICTIM SUPPORT • JERSEY • 17 June 2011

2. PAT MOFFATT • PROJECT MANAGER • THE MANKIND INITIATIVE • Tel: 07787 344737 • e-mail:project@mankind.org.uk

3. PURPOSE OF THE PRESENTATION • To raise awareness and gain a better understanding of the issues affecting male victims of domestic abuse • Men can be victims too and frequently are!!!

4. DEFINITION OF DOMESTIC ABUSE • Domestic Abuse is any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, emotional, sexual or financial) between people who are, or have been intimate partners or between family members, regardless of gender or sexuality

5. BACKGROUND TO MANKIND • National Charity Supporting Male Victims of Domestic Abuse • Supported through donations from Individuals, Trusts and Grants – No Statutory Funding • Based in Taunton, Somerset providing services including:- • Helpline • Undertakes lectures, workshops, presentations and training to provide information to raise awareness • Work in partnership with all agencies • Campaign for more recognition, services and support for male victims

6. MANKIND HELPLINE (1) • Helpline operated by trained staff • Open weekdays 1000 – 1600 and 1900 • - 2100 • Our staff are here to listen and look at ways of helping which include: • Providing appropriate and practical information • Giving time to talk through experiences • Providing emotional support

7. MANKIND HELPLINE (2) • In addition: • Signposting to other specialist organisations i.e. • Domestic Violence Units (refuges or safe houses) • Local authorities • Housing • Mental health organisations • Emotional support services • Services for gay, bisexual and trans (GBT) men • Organisations providing immigration, housing and legal advice • Data Collection • 911 calls from victims or on behalf of victims in 2010, a 35% • increase on the 673 calls received in 2009 • THERE IS NO IDENTIKIT ‘VICTIM’

8. YEAR TO DATECALLS TO HELPLINE

9. YEAR TO DATEVICTIM CALLS TO HELPLINE

10. Statistics • 1 in 6 (16%)men and1 in 4 (28%)women will suffer domestic abuse in theirlifetime (Equates to 2.6 million men/ 4.5 million women) • (For every3 victims of domestic abuse:2will be female and1will be male) • Source: British Crime Survey 2008/09 • 1 in 10 (10.1%) men and1 in 5 (21.4%)women report they have been the victim of partner abuse since the age of 16 • (For every3victims of partner abuse:2will be female and1will be male) • 1 in 10 (10.2%)men and1 in 5 (19.9%)women have been the victim of stalking in their lifetime. • Number of women being arrested for violence has increased has almost trebled • 2000 =31,000 Cases2007 =87,000 Cases • Number of women convicted of perpetrating domestic abuse in the past 5 years has trebled: • 2004/05 =806 Cases2008/09 =2968 Cases • Convictions of men are up144%in the same period • 2004/05 =18,659 Cases2007 =45484 Cases

11. Statistics (2) • In 2008/09 31 men were murdered by a partner/ex-partner compared to 101 women.(Source British Crime Survey 2008/09) • For every 4 people murdered by partner/ex-partner – 3 victims are women and1 is a man. (Source British Crime Survey 2008/09) • The percentage of gay or bi-sexual men who suffer domestic abuse (8.9%) is double that of heterosexual/straight men (4.1%) • 20% of victims of forced marriage are men ( Home Office) • 21% of women compared to 40% men do not tell anyone of the domestic abuse they are suffering • 20% of women compared to only 10% of men report domestic abuse to the police

12. WHEEL OF ABUSE

13. POWERANDCONTROL • Abusers believe they have the right to • Control their partners by: • Telling them what to do and expecting obedience • Using force to maintain power and control • Feeling their partners have no right to challenge their desire for power and control • Feeling justified making the victim comply • Blaming the abuse on the victim and not accepting responsibility.

14. PHYSICAL ABUSE Physical Abuse is any behaviour which hurts, wounds or is intended to do so • Physical Assault is the most obvious form of Domestic Abuse • The most visible • The most lethal • Assaults start small • Small shove during an argument • Grabbing the wrist/arm/hair • Over time physical abuse can become more severe and more frequent • In extreme cases … could result in death

15. VERBAL ABUSE • Verbal abuse undermines our sense of self worth, our self concept (i.e. who we think we are) by discounting ideals opinions or beliefs • Using critical, insulting or humiliating remarks, continual name calling, ridicule • Withholding conversation and refusing to discuss issues • Keeping the victim up all night insisting on talking when they need to sleep • Abusive words in the written form i.e. text messages, e-mails • Perpetrators often have a Jekyll and Hyde personality – one face for the victim and one face for the outside world

16. ISOLATION • The effect of isolation results in the victim feeling very alone in their struggle • The abuser will control: • Who the victim sees • Whom they speak to • What they do • Does not allow use of the phone • Does not allow friends or family to visit, believing that allowing contact may undermine their authority • Abusers may try to justify the control by stating that is proof of their love. In reality the abuser needs to isolate the victim to feel secure themselves

17. EMOTIONAL / PSYCHOLOGICAL/ MENTAL ABUSE In some cases the impact of emotional abuse is even more devastating than physical assault and have much longer term effects • Many forms of abuse are obviously cruel. Emotional abuse is more subtle it often goes unseen – even the victim may not recognise they are being abused. • Seriously damages self-esteem • Emotional ‘battering’ is used to wear the victim down – often over a long period of time. • Undermines self confidence until the victim is willing to take responsibility for the abusers actions and behaviour or simply accept it • Very difficult for others to identify as there is no physical evidence – emotional scars cannot be seen • Emotional abuse is NOT a crime – therefore much more difficult to obtain protection – or even to be taken seriously

18. FINANCIAL ABUSE Financial abuse can take many forms: • Denying access to all funds • Making the victim solely responsible for all finances whilst handling money irresponsibly themselves • Demanding explanations for every penny spent – scrutinising all bills/receipts • Money becomes a tool to further control the victim

19. SEXUAL ABUSE • Sexual abuse can be defined as any sexual encounter without consent and includes any unwanted touching or forced activity • Coercion or manipulation in the form of threats, emotional or psychological abuse • Threats to leave to find a ‘real man’ • The abuser may implythat if they don’t submit they will be ‘punished’ • The abuser may insist on sex following a physical attack in order for the victim to ‘prove’ they have been forgiven • Continued taunts about the victims sexual prowess / performance

20. THREATS / INTIMIDATION • Whether the threats are of a physical, sexual or emotional nature, they are designed to further control the victim by instilling fear and ensuring compliance • A victim does not need to imagine the result of displeasing a violent partner and does not doubt he abusers ability to carry out the threats • Abusers often demonstrates their ability to harm by punching or kicking walls/doors/furniture or using other aggressive behaviour • Obscene / silent phone calls • Threats to have victim ‘locked up in an asylum’ / harm a family member • Abuser frequently threatens to leave or commit suicide • In extreme cases arrange for the victim to be killed Threats can be as debilitating as violence

21. USING CHILDREN / PETS • Using children or pets as ‘weapons: • Threatening to leave with the children • Reporting partner to Social Services as an ‘unfit’ parent • Using children as a ‘go-between’ • Threatening to harm or have the family pet ‘put down’

22. FALSE ALLEGATIONS Male victims calling our Helpline are increasingly reporting they have been falsely accused of abuse by their partner – the perpetrator claiming they are the one that has been abused. This makes it very difficult for the authorities to be certain who in fact is the victim and who is the perpetrator.

23. FALSE SELF HARMING • In order to deflect the attention from themselves and their abuse the abuser can use extreme measures such as: • Burning themselves • Cutting themselves • Bruising themselves • Claiming to the police/GP/A&E that they are the victim

24. EXTENDED FAMILY THREATS • A growing number of victims calling our Helpline reporting: • Threats to family members • Trying to force the victim to work in the family business • Trying to force the victim to marry a chosen wife

25. POST SEPERATION HARRASSMENT • Following the breakdown of an abusive relationship the perpetrator often needs to continue the power and control: • Social Networking sites such as Facebook and Bebo are being used much more frequently to post messages alleging, for instance, how violent the victim is – these messages are particularly malicious as they usually name the victim and can potentially be read by thousands of people. • Likewise text messaging is widely used – again reaching many people • Very often the abuser will use family or friends to harass the victim.

26. STALKING • Stalking is a term commonly used to refer to unwanted, obsessive attention. • Wilful and repeated following / watching • Obscene or silent phone calls • Multiple text messages • Damaging property Stalking is a criminal offence and is treated seriously by the Police and the Courts

27. THE CYCLE OF VIOLENCE

28. EFFECTS OF DOMESTIC ABUSE • Violence may leave severe physical and psychological damage • Loss of self esteem and self confidence • High level of stress / anxiety • Depression / Panic attacks • Eating disorders/Obsessive behaviours • Isolation/withdrawal from others • Aggressive behaviour • Drug or alcohol abuse • Sleep deprivation or insomnia • Suicidal thoughts or attempts • Financial

29. WHAT SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE? • Very few services dedicated to male victims – most • managed by Charities: • The ManKind Initiative • The Dyn Project (Wales) • Male Advice Line (part of Respect charity) • Broken Rainbow (LGBT charity) • The Men’s project (N. Ireland) • A.M.I.S. (Scottish Helpline launched October 2010) • Approx 10% of callers to the ManKind Helpline • (2010) were from women (predominately mothers and sisters) seeking help/information for a male relative who could not or would not seek help for himself

30. ACCOMMODATION • There are over 400 organisations with 500 refuges (with 7,500 spaces) in the UK • specifically for women with or without children • Source: Women’s Aid/Refuge • There are only a few organisations in England and Wales (none in Scotland or • N Ireland) which provide refuge or safe house accommodation specifically for men • Currently Available:- • Refuge Places Dedicated 0 Non Dedicated (M / F) 3 • Safe House Dedicated 8 • Non Dedicated (M / F) 52 • Gay Males (London) 18 • Source: ManKind Initiative • (Most of the safe house accommodation is NOT dedicated to male • victims but will accommodate both male and female victims depending • on need) • Refuge/Safe accommodation for disabled male victims are extremely • limited

31. BARRIERS TO DISCLOSING • Uncertain where to seek help • Told they must have provoked the situation • Suffering shame, embarrassment, social stigma by not being able to protect themselves (Macho Culture) • Nowhere to escape to • Retaliation by perpetrator • Safety of children • Fear children will be taken away • Fear of being perceived as perpetrator / arrest / prolonged Court proceedings / False arrest • Not being taken seriously • Incident dismissed as domestic matter • DISBELIEF

32. BARRIERS TO DISCLOSING • Denial of the problem • ‘Magical Thinking’ (If I ignore the problem it might go away) • Living with the shame and stigma • ‘Fear of the unknown’ • Perception that DA Services are only for females or run by feminist organisations • Men are much less likely to report being a victim than women

33. HOW COULD MALE VICTIMS BE ENCOURAGE TO COME FORWARD? • Assure male victim they will be treated seriously and believed • Be non-judgemental • Listen • BE PATIENT • Ensure leaflets for male services are available

34. WHAT TO DO WHEN VICTIM DISCLOSES • Reassurance • You are not to blame. • You are not weak • You are not alone • Be non-judgemental • Encourage to seek help • Refer victim to support services • Give them time • Listen • BE PATIENT

35. WHY DO VICTIMS STAY? • The paramount reasonfor staying in an abusive relationship is to protect the children or the fear they will be unable to have contact with their children • However there are other reasons given: • Victims believe they can change their partner • They love their partner – despite the abuse • Some victims blame themselves believing they are the cause • Financial considerations • Losing contact with friends and family • Leaving their employment • The abused man is often mentally, emotionally or financially dependent on the abusive woman The idea of leaving the • relationship creates significant feeling of depression or anxiety • The abuser and victim are somehow ‘addicted’ to each other

36. What about the Children? • Children can remember violence from a very young age (2-3 yrs) although will probably not be able to make sense of it • Described as the ‘forgotten victims’ • 9 times out of 10 children are in the same room or with earshot of violence and abuse • Children can be used as ‘weapons’/bargaining tools to ensure victims conforms • To keep children safe the victim often stays whilst the abuse continues

37. SUMMARY • Unfortunately domestic abuse is very common and very serious • Domestic abuse DOES happen to men • Domestic Abuse comes in different forms – it is NOT only physical abuse • Domestic Abuse is a crime and the police take it seriously • You can help victims by responding appropriately and helping them contact services offering support and advice

38. THE MANKIND INITIATIVE • TEL: 01823 334244 • www.mankind.org.uk • Flook House • Belvedere Road • Taunton • Somerset • TA1 1BT