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Help Your Child Be Bully Free by Allan L. Beane, Ph.D.

Increase your understanding of bullying, learn how to prevent and stop it, and get tips for helping your child who is a victim or a bully. Written by Allan L. Beane, Ph.D., a passionate advocate for preventing and stopping bullying.

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Help Your Child Be Bully Free by Allan L. Beane, Ph.D.

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  1. Allan L. Beane, Ph.D. www.bullyfree.com abeane@bullyfree.com

  2. Help Your Child Be Bully Free by Allan L. Beane, Ph.D. abeane@bullyfree.com (270) 227-0431 www.bullyfree.com

  3. Forrest Gump Movie www.bullyfree.com

  4. ForrestGump(Paramount Pictures, 1994) www.bullyfree.com

  5. What is the problem? • Students mistreating students • Peer victimization • Peer abuse • Bullying www.bullyfree.com

  6. Goals • To increase your understanding of the nature of bullying. • To present the rationale for preventing and stopping bullying. www.bullyfree.com

  7. To discuss what to do when you find out your child is a victim. • To provide you with tips for helping your child who is a bully. • To give you my passion for preventing and stopping bullying. www.bullyfree.com

  8. The Reason for My Passion! I believe in the Golden Rule. “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” My son was bullied. www.bullyfree.com

  9. www.bullyfree.com

  10. www.bullyfree.com

  11. www.bullyfree.com

  12. www.bullyfree.com

  13. www.bullyfree.com

  14. Definition of Bullying Bullying is a form of overt and aggressive behavior that is intentional, hurtful, and persistent (repeated). Bullied children are teased, harassed, and assaulted (verbally and/or physically) by one or more individuals and often socially rejected by their peers. There is an imbalance of strength (power). www.bullyfree.com

  15. Criteria for Determining a Bullying Situation Bullying is a form of overt and aggressive behavior that is intentional, hurtful (physical and/or psychological), and persistent(repeated). Bullied children are teased, harassed, and assaulted (verbally and/or physically) by one or more individuals and often socially rejected by their peers. There is an imbalance of strength (power). www.bullyfree.com

  16. Types of Bullying • Direct • Physical and verbal • Indirect • Social/Relational www.bullyfree.com

  17. Other • Cyberbullying, etc. www.bullyfree.com

  18. Physical Bullying • Hitting, slapping, elbowing, shouldering (slamming) • Pushing/shoving • Kicking • Taking/stealing, damaging or defacing belongings/property www.bullyfree.com

  19. Restraining • Pinching • Flushing someone’s head in the toilet • Cramming someone into his/her locker • Sexual harassment www.bullyfree.com

  20. Verbal Bullying • Name-calling • Insulting remarks and put-downs • Repeated teasing • Racist remarks/harassment • Threats and intimidation • Whispering about them behind their back www.bullyfree.com

  21. Social and Relational Bullying www.bullyfree.com

  22. Destroying and manipulating relationships • turning your best friend against you, stealing your boyfriend or girl friend, etc. • Destroying reputations • Gossiping, spreading nasty and malicious rumors and lies about someone • Embarrassment/Humiliation www.bullyfree.com

  23. Negative body language (facial expressions, turning your back to someone) • Threatening gestures • Ranking – socially classifying others • Hurtful graffiti www.bullyfree.com

  24. Excluding someone from a group (social rejection/isolation) • Mean/nasty notes passed around or sent to someone • Hate petitions (promising to hate someone) www.bullyfree.com

  25. Cyberbullying • Cyberbullies are often victims of bullying • Can feel stronger online – can be a different person online • Instant messages www.bullyfree.com

  26. Cell phone text messages • E-mail • Web pages/websites www.bullyfree.com

  27. Use of chat rooms • Chat language • LOL (“laughing out loud”) • BRB (“be right back”) • “Ur guna a!- (2day for *ing my bf and Ur ded.” • Means? • “You’re gonna get a black eye today for kissing my boyfriend and you’re dead.” (Crosbie, 2003) www.bullyfree.com

  28. Afraid to tell parents • Fear that parents may restrict use of telephone and/or computer • Fear that they may increase supervision –causing some loss of freedom or privacy www.bullyfree.com

  29. How are boys and girls different in their bullying behavior? www.bullyfree.com

  30. Boys more direct and girls are more indirect (social/relational) • Boys and girls are both physical and verbal • Boys are typically more physical in their aggression • Girls are becoming more physical www.bullyfree.com

  31. Girls bully in groups more than boys • Girls more often attack friends and individuals they know www.bullyfree.com

  32. Redefining Manhood We need to redefine manhood. You can be a man and not be involved in sports. When children describe victims, they often say: “He isn’t good at sports.” Physical education and recess often center around sports—displaying weaknesses of some students. www.bullyfree.com

  33. How frequently does it occur? www.bullyfree.com

  34. 20% - 58% or more of students have reported being bullied (varies from school to school) • School personnel underestimate • Most of it occurs in secret www.bullyfree.com

  35. In a survey of 558 students in a mid-western middle school: • 80% of the students had engaged in bullying behaviors in the previous 30 days (Espelage, 1999, in Weinhold and Weinhold) www.bullyfree.com

  36. When and where does it happen? www.bullyfree.com

  37. Starts around age 3 • Increases in frequency toward end of elementary years. • Becomes more physical toward end of elementary years. • Peaks during middle school years. • Continues through high school. www.bullyfree.com

  38. High-Risk Areas • Bathrooms • Hallways • Stairwells • Gym and locker rooms • Cafeteria • Playground • On buses www.bullyfree.com

  39. Waiting for the bus • Parking lot • Classroom • Commons area or lobby • Library • Between buildings • Etc. www.bullyfree.com

  40. Why doesn’t your child tell you or some other adult? www.bullyfree.com

  41. Embarrassing • Feel defective because no one seems to like you • Embarrassed because you can’t stand up for yourself • Fear that adults might make it worse • Have seen adults told and nothing was done www.bullyfree.com

  42. Why must bullying be prevented and stopped? • More prevalent today and in more serious form • Occurs in every school • Creates fearful environment • Poor school attendance and dropouts • Negative impact on learning www.bullyfree.com

  43. Toxic shame • Poisonous shame – not good shame • Impacts trust in: self, others, and life • Self-harm (mutilation) • Suicide • 30% of suicides caused by bullying www.bullyfree.com

  44. Remembering 33 Young People Who Killed Themselves Because of Bullying www.bullyfree.com

  45. www.bullyfree.com

  46. Raises risk of suicide in bystanders • Common theme in school shootings www.bullyfree.com

  47. 37 Incidents www.bullyfree.com

  48. Runaway from home • Gang membership • Cult membership • Hate groups • Drugs www.bullyfree.com

  49. Teen pregnancies • Stress (Post Traumatic Stress) • Depression and anxiety disorders • Long lasting emotional effects • Creates society problems • Bullies more likely to have criminal records and abuse others as adults www.bullyfree.com

  50. Bullying: • Weakens the mind • Weakens the heart • Weakens the body • Weakens the spirit www.bullyfree.com

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