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WELCOME Communicating Effectively. OVERVIEW: COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY. Self Assessment Communication Basics Five Axioms Communication Influencers Forms of Talk Emotional Intelligence Listen, Observe, Confront Practice Review and Reflect. GET SET: ASSESS YOURSELF. DID YOU KNOW?.
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OVERVIEW: COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY Self Assessment Communication Basics Five Axioms Communication Influencers Forms of Talk Emotional Intelligence Listen, Observe, Confront Practice Review and Reflect
DID YOU KNOW? Study by the American Communication Association revealed that globally: On average, in developed nations we speak some 16,000 words per day; some of us as many as 47,000 words. 62% of us feel as if we are communicating effectively to friends and family. 57% feel we communicate effectively with our boss. Video
CONFLICT CAUSES AT HOME/WORK REASONS WE DIVORCE Growing apart Unable to talk to each other Money Spouse’s personal problems Not enough attention Michele Weiner-Davis Author, Relationship Expert REASONS WE DISAGREE Communication styles Role ambiguity Management/leadership style Business etiquette Disrespectful behavior or biases University of Oklahoma Communication is often the root cause of problems both at home and at work.
COMMUNICATION BASICS Why do we communicate? Discover ourselves Build relationships Influence others Survive and thrive What does GOOD communication look like? Relevant Truthful Clear Consistent Respectful
“Meaning is found in people, not in words.” David Berlo MESSAGE MECHANICS Video
FIVE AXIOMS OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION In face-to-face interactions: Communication is inevitable; we can’t NOT communicate. Communication always involves words and nonverbals. Communication is always about content and relationship. Communication is either symmetrical or complementary. Communication is punctuated differently by each participant. Pragmatics of Human Communication Watzlawick, Bavelas, Jackson, 2011 ed.
EXAMINING THE FIVE AXIOMS Pragmatics of Human Communication Watzlawick, Bavelas, Jackson
COMMUNICATION INFLUENCERS Culture Beliefs/values Norms Geography Where you’re from Experiences What works/doesn’t Positive/negative Video
THREE FORMS OF TALK Connect—may be about nothing in particular, but in all cases, it’s a bid for attention to us. Hi, how are you? Please pass the butter. Control—commonly used when we have a problem to solve (demand or command), beyond that which may be commonly addressed by connect talk. We need to get our coats on now before we get a cold. Dialogue—Used to solve problems, address issues that require positive engagement of others to resolve. We have an issue to resolve, I need your help.
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Identifying emotions Using emotions Understanding emotions Managing emotions E.I. is our ability to acquire and apply knowledge from our emotions and the emotions of others in order to solve problems and live a more successful, fulfilling life.
FOUR DOMAINS OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Personal Competence (Intrapersonal): How we manage ourselves Domain 1: Self-awareness Domain 2: Self-management Social Competence (Interpersonal): How we manage relationships Domain 3: Social-awareness Domain 4: Relationship management
PERSONAL COMPETENCE: SELF-AWARENESS Emotional self-awareness Accurate self-assessment Realistic self-confidence
PERSONAL COMPETENCE: SELF-MANAGEMENT Emotional self-control Transparency Optimism Adaptability Innovation Achievement
SOCIAL COMPETENCE: SOCIAL AWARENESS Empathy Organizational awareness Service
SOCIAL COMPETENCE: RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT Inspiration Influence Developing others Change catalyst Conflict management Teamwork and collaboration
“Experts now acknowledge that emotional intelligence (EI) is perhaps the most crucial determinant of success in the workplace. And unlike IQ or other traditional measures of intelligence, EI can be developed and dramatically increased.” Dr. HendrieWeisinger, 2000, Emotional Intelligence at Work EQ AT WORK Contribution to our success at work: IQ: 20% EQ: 80%
SURVEY TIME HendrieWeisinger, Emotional Intelligence at Work
Communication in the workplace is a constant challenge. The pressures to perform and the chaos of constant change often create an environment which makes a “meeting of the minds” seem like an oxymoron. WORKPLACE COMMUNICATION Learn to listen Focus on the issue(s) Respect others Be aware of the emotional subtext (yours/others) Remember the 5 Axioms—they still apply.
BE A BETTER LISTENER Face the speaker and maintain eye contact. Be attentive, yet relaxed. Keep an open mind to the speaker’s message – try to feel what the speaker is feeling. Listen to the words and try to picture what the speaker is saying. Do not interrupt and do not impose your "solutions." Wait for the speaker to pause to ask clarifying questions - ask questions only to ensure understanding of something that has been said (avoiding questions that disrupt the speaker's train of thought). Give the speaker regular feedback, e.g., summarize, reflect feelings, or simply say "uh huh." Pay attention to nonverbal cues - to feelings, tone of voice, inflection, facial expressions, gestures, posture. Be aware of potential barriers that impact your ability to listen effectively. Video
USEFUL STRATEGIES Relax Reframe Respect Refocus Regenerate Review MANAGE YOUR EMOTIONS NEGATIVE EMOTIONS AT WORK Frustration/irritation Worry/nervousness Anger/aggravation Dislike Disappointment Unhappiness “Everything can be taken from a man but the last of human freedoms – the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances, to choose one's way.” Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning
IMPACT OF GOOD COMMUNICATION OBJECTIVE:Ascertain whether the quality of physician-patient communication makes a significant difference to patient health outcomes. STUDY SELECTION: Randomized controlled trials and analytic studies of physician-patient communication in which patient health was an outcome variable. CONCLUSIONS:The outcomes affected were, in descending order of frequency, emotional health, symptom resolution, function, physiologic measures (i.e., blood pressure and blood sugar level) and pain control. National Institute of Health
“Anyone can become angry—that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way—that is not easy.” Aristotle CONFLICT Conflict refers to a disagreement; opposing points of view. Conflict occurs when two or more people perceive their goals are mutually exclusive. Conflict may be interpersonal or intrapersonal. Conflict is inevitable in life; we may encounter it both personally and professionally.
THE MINDFUL APPROACH Five steps: Reframe Recognize Rehearse Respond Reflect
COMPASSIONATE CONFRONTATION REFRAME Adopt an appreciative mindset Value the other (Behavioral Style, etc.) Seek to make things better, not worse RECOGNIZE What’s the issue? What’s at stake? How might you engage constructively? REHEARSE Structured dialogue Have a plan; map out key points Organize your thoughts RESPOND Choose a safe place and time Seek to understand more than blame Focus on the issue(s); be patient but persistent! Don’t absorb negative energy Work toward a solution; summarize key points REFLECT and REVIEW Follow up!
REFRAME Adopt an appreciative mindset. Value the other. Seek options to make things better.
RECOGNIZE Core issues Conflict styles Emotional responses DiSCstyles Conflict traps
REHEARSE Plan ahead Organize thoughts Practice Structured dialogue AID GROW Minimal effective response Relationship reminders
USEFUL TOOLS GROW: Goal: What needs to be done/achieved? Reality: What necessitates action? Options/Obstacles: What might be done and when? Will/Way Forward: How will we measure success? AID: Action: What happened and when and what might it mean? Impact:What’s the consequence of the action, why does it matter, and to whom? Do:What might be done to resolve the issue or concern—what does success look like?
PRACTICE TIME Think of a situation that required or requires compassionate confrontation. Pick one of the two tools (AID/GROW) and think about how you would apply it. Pick a partner and practice then review and critique the process.
RESPOND Be proactive Remember Axioms Use effective dialogue communication skills Be aware of emotions Stay focused Be authentic Be appreciative
GIVING FEEDBACK Be constructive. Focus on behavior rather than personality. Consider the needs of the listener; be helpful, not vindictive. Concentrate on the issue(s) over which the recipient has control. Engage in sharing of ideas and information. Address problems/issues as early as possible. Consider the amount of information the receiver can actually use. Don’t overload people with information. Be concerned with what and how things are said and done. Be real, authentic, sincere! DON’T apologize for the need to engage in a crucial conversation. Review expectations.
MINIMAL EFFECTIVE RESPONSE DON’T expect to do it all in one session. Decide on one or two challenging issues and deal with them, building trust and confidence in the process with the parties involved.
REFLECT Was I mindful? Did I attempt to reframe? Did I recognize core issues, conflict styles, and traps? Did I respond effectively? What lessons have I learned as I reflect on managing conflict productively?
ONE MORE TOOL Crucial Conversations Start with heart. Ask yourself what you really want. Learn to look. Engage in dialogue talk. Make it safe. Create a comfortable situation. Master your story. Think through your emotions. State your path. Share your facts. Explore others’ paths. Look for areas of agreement. Move to action. Decide what will happen, document, and follow up.
SOCIAL MEDIA The rules of social media: Have a say Meaningful dialogue Be engaged and involved in the process Personal interactions with others Be listened to Help shape what they find useful Connect with others engaged in similar activities Plain talk
REMEMBER THE AXIOMS We WILL communicate Content and relationship Verbal and nonverbal Symmetry and complementary Punctuation
XXXXX Communication is an essential part of life at home, work, and play. Good communication practices may be observed and learned. The consequences of failing to apply good communication practices may be significant. Good communication requires effort and diligence, but the payoff is judged to be worth it.
