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Family Life, Military Style

Family Life, Military Style. The Silent Ranks. I wear no uniform, no dress blues or army greens. But I am among the military ranks rarely seen. I have no rank upon my shoulder. Salutes I do not give. But the military is the world in which I live.

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Family Life, Military Style

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  1. Family Life, Military Style

  2. The Silent Ranks I wear no uniform, no dress blues or army greens. But I am among the military ranks rarely seen. I have no rank upon my shoulder. Salutes I do not give. But the military is the world in which I live. I’m not the one who fires the weapons, who puts my life on the line. But my job is just as tough, I’m the one that’s left behind. My husband is a patriot, a brave and prideful man, and the call to Serve his country, not everyone can understand. Behind the lines I see the things needed to keep this country free. My husband makes the sacrifice, but so do my children and me. I love the man I man I married. Soldering is life. But I stand among the silent ranks known as the military wife. Author Unknown

  3. Types of military service • Active Duty – USA, USMC, USN, USAF, USCG • AGR - Active Guard/Reserve • NGB - National Guard • Reserves – USAR, USMCR, USNR, USAFR, USCGR Types of veterans Veteran Combat Veteran

  4. Impact of deployment History has taught Reunions/Reintegrations are more stressful than separation • People grow and change • Expectations are different • Experiences were different

  5. Being part of the military requires 2 sets of skills

  6. “Military Skills” are not always the same as “Civilian Skills” • Service members– need both War Zone/Military and Civilian skills • Family members – part of a military community while living among civilians • Communities – Don’t always understand challenges faced by service members and military families • “Normal” behavior for a military family is often not understood by other family members, friends, co-workers or our communities.

  7. Mission Oriented Military Civilian Multi-tasking – can cause confusion Difficulty in cooperative decision making Frustration with others “everyone talks - no one listens • Mission assigned-unrelated tasks are unimportant • Decisions need to quick, clear, accurate • No time for discussion “one person talks - everyone listens”

  8. Talking Military Civilian “Civilianeze” foreign language Social chatter is a waste Give little information More comfortable with other service members/battle buddies • May be limited - need to know • Can be little or no time to talk about powerful events • Don’t want to be seen as “weak” • Civilians don’t understand/ask too many questions

  9. Safety and Trust Military Civilian Avoid getting involved Always on guard Suspicious of everyone Test people to earn trust Difficulty attending activities, going out in public or large crowds or feeling safe with anyone but other service members or veterans • Vigilance pays off • Never relax • Assume everyone is the enemy

  10. “Not talking about your emotions in war (strength)can lead to can’t talk about emotions at home (weakness) Emotions / Anger Military Civilian Appear insensitive to others Decreased ability to read others emotions Decreased emotional enjoyment Irritability/defensiveness/ increased aggression • Control emotions • Numbing • Anger-useful, protective, is a survival skill

  11. Authority Military Civilian May resent authority May be reluctant to let others have authority May take on too much authority, or want none at all May lead to increased confrontations • Little room for choice – no discussion/debate • May be in leadership role, gives orders • May not have much authority • May not have faith in authority

  12. Closeness Military Civilian Long term intimacy more complicated May expect same level of intensity at home May push loved ones away Loved ones may push them away • Can create intense relationships • Strong bonds – depend on each other for survival • If losses, learn to avoid closeness

  13. Stressors Service Member Family Member Worry about SM Holding down the fort Emotions - may hold back to protect them or dump emotions if no other support system available May have increased emotional needs May not have support of a military community • Focus on mission • Worry about family at home • May worry if still needed at home • May not share information with family • May share too much information with family • Feeling of safety

  14. MILITARY SKILLS Do not automatically change when they come home Reestablishing roles can be challenging

  15. READJUSTMENT • No definite time period • Can take weeks, months or years • (depending on length of separation, experiences, resources, understanding by civilians) • Requires NEW WAYS OF THINKING

  16. Reintegration • ● Sharing responsibilities & decisions may be difficult ● Interdependence ● Understanding & patience ● Hard to give up independence ● New or different perspectives FOCUS ON ALL ASPECTS OF LIFE

  17. How have family members changed? • More independent • Used to making their own decisions • New friends/relationships • Children may be significantly different • New routines • New perspectives • Changes in the environment

  18. KIDS’ REACTIONS TO CHANGES IN FAMILY DYNAMIC Remember - the children have gone through this too…… • Vary by age of child • Shouldn’t be taken personally by parents • Address emotions • Predictable overall

  19. Whatto do for military families… • Ask them how they are doing before asking anything else! • Be Respectful • Be Competent • Be Culturally Competent • Simplify complicated procedures • Consider schedules, needs, resources • Include military systems as appropriate • Refer to Military Family Assistance Center (FAC) • Contact FAC Specialists

  20. POINTS TO PONDER !!!!! • “NoOneComesBackUnchanged” (COL (DR.) Tom Burke, DOD, Director of Mental Health Policy) • War changes persons for the better too! • Help is available “They” is “Us” – they’re our families, our friends, ourneighbors, our coworkers

  21. Resources • WI Service Member Support Division (SMSD) -for Service Members, Veterans and Family Members of all Service Branches www.wisconsinmilitary.org • Military OneSource – for Service Members and Dependents www.militaryonesource.mil • Real Warriors – building resilience, supporting reintegration and more www.realwarriors.net • National Military Family Association – for Service Members, Veterans and their families • www.militaryfamily.org • Center for Deployment Psychology – topic page on Military Families and Deployment • www.deploymentpsych.org/topics-desorders/military-families-and-deplendents

  22. Resources • Operation Homefront - for Service Members and Dependents. • www.operationhomefront.net/centralmidwest/wehelp.aspx • Operation Military Kids - to connect military kids and enhance their well-being www.militarykids.org • Military Kids Connect - an interactive website for military kidswww.militarykidsconnect.org • Joining Community Forces – for communities to join together in providing resources for our military population. • www.whitehouse.gov/joiningforces • This is just a very small sampling of resources available. If you want more specific resources, contact the Military Family Assistance Center at 1.800.292.9464 option 3

  23. Thank you military families for your service Thank you veterans and service members for your service

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