Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships

1. Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships CHAPTER TOPICS • Intimacy in Close Relationships • Communication in Families • Communication in Friendships • Communication in Romantic Relationships • Improving Close Relationships

2. Intimacy in Close Relationships • Dimensions of Intimacy • Physical • Intellectual • Emotional • Shared Activities • Some relationships exhibit all four dimensions • Other relationships exhibit only one or two

3. Intimacy in Close Relationships • Masculine and Feminine Styles • Research shows that women are somewhat more willing than men to share their feelings • In terms of amount and depth: • Female – Female were at the top • Male – Female came in second • Male – Male had the least disclosure • Biological sex is not as important as the chosen gender role when expressing emotion • Generalizations do not apply to every person

4. Intimacy in Close Relationships • Cultural Influences on Intimacy • Notions of public and private selves have changed dramatically • Collectivist cultures • Generally do not reach out to outsiders, often waiting until they are properly introduced before entering into conversation • Individualistic cultures • Make fewer distinctions between personal relationships and casual ones

5. Intimacy in Close Relationships • Intimacy in Mediated Communication • Mediated communication can be just as personal as face-to-face interaction • Relational intimacy may develop more quickly through mediated channels • Intimate connections in cyberspace can also be problematic • “Virtually unfaithful”

6. Intimacy in Close Relationships • The Limits of Intimacy • Most people want 4-6 close relationships in their lives • Obsession with intimacy can lead to less satisfying relationships • Intimacy is rewarding but it isn’t the only way of relating to others

7. Communication in Families • Characteristics of Family Communication • Family communication is formative • Family communication is role-driven • Family communication is involuntary

8. Communication in Families • Characteristics of Family Communication • Families as systems • Family systems are interdependent • Family systems are manifested through communication • Family systems are nested • Subsystems • Suprasystems • Families are more than the sum of their parts

9. Communication in Families • Communication Patterns within Families • Conversation orientation • High conversation orientation • Low conversation orientation • Conformity orientation • High-conformity families • Low-conformity families

10. Communication in Families • Communication Patterns within Families • Consensual • High conversation, high conformity • Pluralistic • High conversation, low conformity • Protective • Low conversation, high conformity • Laissez-faire • Low conversation, low conformity

11. Communication in Friendships • Types of Friendships • Youthful vs. mature • Long term vs. short term • Relationship oriented vs. task oriented • High disclosure vs. low disclosure • High obligation vs. low obligation • Frequent contact vs. occasional contact

12. Communication in Friendships • Sex, Gender, and Friendship • Same-sex friendships • Cross-sex friendships • Mutual romance, strictly platonic, one partner desires romance, one partner rejects romance • Friends with benefits

13. Communication in Friendships • Sex, Gender, and Friendship • Gender considerations • Sex role • Sexual orientation

14. Communication in Friendships • Friendship and Social Media • Internet has made friendship more complicated • Social networking sites used primarily to maintain current friendships or to revive old ones • Social media isn’t a replacement for face-to-face communication • Means to support and rekindle friendships

15. Communication in Romantic Relationships • Ancient Greek • Storge and philla • Friendly love • Pragma • Practical, logical affinity • Agape • Selfless, altruistic compassion • Mania • Eros

16. Communication in Romantic Relationships • Romantic Turning Points • Transformative events that alter the relationship • Especially important in romantic relationships • Often mark movement among stages • Not all turning points are positive • Can provide clues about the status of the relationship

17. Communication in Romantic Relationships • Couples’ Conflict Styles • John Gottman – conflict styles • Volatile • Avoidant • Validating

18. Communication in Romantic Relationships • Couples’ Conflict Styles • Gary Chapman – love languages • Words of affirmation • Quality time • Gifts • Acts of service • Physical touch • Assumption your partner speaks same love language as you can be a setup for disappointment

19. Improving Close Relationships • Relationships Require Commitment • Promise - sometimes implied, sometimes explicit – to remain in a relationship and make it successful • Commitment formed and reinforced through communication • Words aren’t surefire measure of commitment • Deeds are also important

20. Improving Close Relationships • Relationships Require Maintenance and Support • Relational maintenance strategies • Positivity • Openness • Assurances • Social networks • Sharing tasks

21. Improving Close Relationships • Relationships Require Maintenance and Support • Most used with family and friends • Openness • Social networks • Most used with romantic partners • Assurances

22. Improving Close Relationships • Relationships Require Maintenance and Support • Social support • Helping loved ones through challenging times • Communication plays a central role • Resources • Emotional support • Informational support • Instrumental support

23. Improving Close Relationships • Repairing Damaged Relationships • Types of relational transgressions • Lack of commitment • Distance • Disrespect • Problematic emotions • Aggression

24. Improving Close Relationships • Repairing Damaged Relationships • Relational transgressions • Minor vs. significant • Social vs. relational • Deliberate vs. unintentional • One-time vs. incremental

25. Improving Close Relationships • Repairing Damaged Relationships • Strategies for relational repair • Talk about the violation • Take responsibility for the transgression • Components of apology • Expressing regret • Accepting responsibility • Making restitution • Genuinely repenting • Requesting forgiveness

26. Improving Close Relationships • Repairing Damaged Relationships • Forgiving transgressions • Most effective conversations contain: • Explicit statement • Discussion of the implications of the transgression and future of relationship • Some transgressions harder to forgive • One way to improve ability to forgive is to recall times when you have mistreated or hurt others

27. Chapter Review • Intimacy in Close Relationships • Communication in Families • Communication in Friendships • Communication in Romantic Relationships • Improving Close Relationships