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Crucial Conversations & Conflict Resolution: Tips for Talking When the Stakes are High

Crucial Conversations & Conflict Resolution: Tips for Talking When the Stakes are High . GVSU PACES Program. Overview. What is a crucial conversation? Your style under stress Overcoming conversation barriers Managing intercultural conflict Dialogue skills. Crucial Conversations.

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Crucial Conversations & Conflict Resolution: Tips for Talking When the Stakes are High

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  1. Crucial Conversations & Conflict Resolution: Tips for Talking When the Stakes are High GVSU PACES Program

  2. Overview What is a crucial conversation? Your style under stress Overcoming conversation barriers Managing intercultural conflict Dialogue skills

  3. Crucial Conversations Patterson, Grenny, McMillan and Switzler(2002) What is it? Three characteristics • Difference of opinion • The stakes are HIGH • Emotions are strong Casual conversations can become CRUCIAL • When emotions intensify • Everyday workplace conversations can become crucial • Personnel reviews can become crucial conversations

  4. Crucial Conversations Ending a relationship Asking a friend to repay a loan Resolving child custody issues with an ex-spouse/partner Asking a roommate to move out Asking in-laws or parents to quit interfering Giving your boss feedback about their behavior Critiquing a colleague’s work (Patterson, et al. 2002, p. 8)

  5. Some Examples • Awkward Performance Review: • http://www.overstream.net/view.php?oid=uhnjsteuihep

  6. Crucial Conversations “Your Style Under Stress”

  7. The Context The human brain under stress – • “Fight or Flight” Personal Tendency - • “Silence or Violence” • Examples • Is our style context dependent?

  8. Overcoming Conversation Barriers What happens to relationships over time if we avoid resolving our conflicts – avoid having crucial conversations? DO EMOTIONS ACCUMULATE? DOES STRESS ACCUMULATE?

  9. Cycle of Contempt http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pl6yOIxYpLk&feature=related “CONTEMPT”- Violent http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjVQfeavgzU “CONTEMPT” - Silent

  10. Cycles of Respect

  11. In Every Conversation • The Goal is…. DIALOGUE Safety Me Others Shared meaning Safety

  12. A “Crucial” Conversation

  13. What causes people to feel “Unsafe”? Lack of Mutual Purpose • They are unclear about or mistrust your motives, or see your goal and theirs as mutually exclusive. Lack of Mutual Respect • They don’t feel respected or valued by you.

  14. Intercultural Conflict • What are the sources of intercultural conflict? • What assumptions, biases and goals drive intercultural conflict? • How can you manage intercultural conflict? • Some application…

  15. Intercultural Conflict • Okay…but what about culture? • What if the differences are cultural? • What is a “dominant culture”? • Cultural Values Exercise

  16. The Ideal Communication Process MESSAGE Verbal Non-verbal Sender Receiver FEEDBACK

  17. The Realistic Communication Process STATIC Cultural Frame Cultural Frame Non-verbal behaviors False attributions Stereotypes Sender Receiver Ethnocentrism Cultural Frame Cultural Frame Native language and verbal acuity

  18. How to Restore Safety When safety is at risk… • Recognize what’s going on and why. • Step out of the content temporarily. • Build safety. • Get back into dialogue.

  19. Three Techniques for Rebuilding Safety If you’re at fault, apologize. 2. When your intentions have been misunderstood, contrast. 3. When you have conflicting goals, find a mutual purpose. (Explore the purpose beneath the stated goal) Stated goal (position) Purpose (why they want what they want)

  20. When in Dialogue…. Be specific about what happened. Avoid watering down the facts. Be honest and respectful. Discuss what’s recent and relevant. Watch for signals that the other person feels unsafe, and take appropriate action. Employ active listening skills.

  21. Active Listening Skills Use positive body language. Minimize interruptions. Ask probing questions. Paraphrase to check understanding. Respond to both content and emotion.

  22. Dialogue Skills Start with the Heart Learn to Look Make it Safe Master My Stories State My Path Explore Other’s Paths Move to Action

  23. Dialogue Skills • Move to Action • Build consensus • Recognize when the conversation is recycling • Shift the conversation to “what next” or “how can we?”

  24. Conclusion Q/A Evaluation

  25. References De Lucia, R. J. (2008). Managing intercultural conflict. University of Pennsylvania. Landis, D. Bennett, J. M., & Bennett, M. J. (2004). The handbook of intercultural training (3rd Ed.) Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications. Landis, D. & Bhaghat, R. S. (1996). The handbook of intercultural training (2nd Ed.) Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications. Patterson, K., Grenny, J., McMillan, R. & Switler, A. (2002). Crucial conversations: Tips for talking when stakes are high. New York: McGraw-Hill

  26. Thank you! FOR MORE INFORMATION CONTACT Sean Huddleston Grand Valley State University Intercultural Training Director 222 Student Services Building Allendale, MI 49401 (616) 331-3296 huddless@gvsu.edu OR VISIT www.gvsu.edu/inclusion

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