Mediation, Conflict Resolution & Effective Communication

1. Mediation, Conflict Resolution & Effective Communication

2. What is Conflict?

4. The Nature of Conflict • Conflict is an inevitable part of life. • Conflict signals a need for change. • Conflict can result in a learning experience. • Conflict can be positive and productive. If people express their feelings and needs in a positive and constructive way it reduces anxiety and prevents the escalation of conflict. • Conflict can lead to positive growth in working and personal relationships.

5. The Third Side • Fight • Flight/Freeze • The Third Side

6. Conflict Resolution Styles Every person has their own style or way of handling themselves in a conflict. Some use a variety of styles while others depend solely on one. There are five distinct conflict resolution styles: Avoidance (turtle) “Not now, maybe later” It is easier to withdraw than to face difficult issues. Accommodation (teddy bear). “Let’s try it your way”. Values relationships over goals and will give up on goals in order to be liked. 

7. Conflict Resolution Styles Compromise (fox) “Let's make a deal” Looks for a solution where each gives up something Problem Solving (owl) “Let's work it out together”. Values both goals and relationships Problem solving process is the only conflict resolution style that allows for the potential of a win-win outcome. Confrontation (shark) “Hit head on” Tries to overpower opponents. Goals are important, relationships aren’t.

8. Getting to Yes • Separate the People from the Problems • Know Your BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement) • Focus on interests, not positions or values • Explore options for mutual gain • Use objective criteria

9. Win-Win Outcomes

10. Conflict Ladder • Needs/interests • Positions • Values

11. Positional Negotiation Assumes you know all the relevant information Goal is to convince the other side that your point of view makes the most sense Tactics focus on “dividing the pie” or win/lose concessions Compromise or concessions strain the working relationship 5. ZOPA (Zone of Possible Agreement) is minimized

12. Interest Based Negotiation Avoids repetition or escalation of conflict Builds partnerships and community Increases commitment to action plans Creates transparency about decision making Clarifies shared and divergent interests Flexible and creative agreements Focuses time & energy on substance and positive outcomes Leads to durable agreements

13. Examples of Needs/Interests • Autonomy/ Freedom • Respect/ Fairness • Trust/ Reassurance • Equality/ Justice • Being heard/ Appreciation • Predictability/ Consistency • Acknowledgement/ Recognition • Understanding/ Clarity • Growth/ Healing • Safety/ Shelter • Self worth/ Respect • Honesty/ Authenticity • Independence/ Choice • Support/ Cooperation • Friendship/ Sharing • Community/ Family

22. The Truth Absolute truth often does not exist Truth is often not the most important factor in a dispute Fact-finding will often not resolve the problem between the parties Fact-finding raises the risk of compromising the mediator’s neutrality Mediators are not trained for fact- finding

23. Start an information sharing conversation “Unpack” a position: describe the meaning and why it is important to a person or organization Clarify interests; acknowledge both shared and competing interests Practice listening and conflict management skills Use open-ended questions

24. Building Agreements Generate options based on individual and joint interests Evaluate options by setting priorities among interests Use reality checks to test agreements Consider “experiments” to test tentative agreements Write detailed agreements and action plans

25. Managing Dirty Tricks Create ground rules Ignore or call out bad behavior Name it: “I’m not sure that yelling is really going to get us anywhere” Ask what’s going on: “You seem really upset. How come?” Reflect and diffuse strong emotion Use repetition or silence Reinforce positive behavior Go to the balcony Try a different tool End the relationship

26. Listening Skills Reframing in the Middle Ages Reframing in the Middle Ages DEVELOPING EFFECTIVE LISTENING SKILLS Surrender the Princess and leave us in peace, dragon, or I shall slay you and feast upon your entrails! Surrender the Princess and leave us in peace, dragon, or I shall slay you and feast upon your entrails! Leave me alone Sir Knight, or I’ll burn you to a crisp and eat the princess for dinner!! Leave me alone Sir Knight, or I’ll burn you to a crisp and eat the princess for dinner!! So what I’m hearing you saying is that you both value your peace and quiet. How can we meet those needs? So what I’m hearing you saying is that you both value your peace and quiet. How can we meet those needs? ÿMediation Mattersÿ

27. Absolute truth often does not exist Truth is often not the most important factor in a dispute Fact-finding will often not resolve the problem between the parties Fact-finding raises the risk of compromising the mediator’s neutrality Mediators are not trained for fact-finding The Truth

28. 3 Levels of Listening Facts (what) Needs (why) Emotions (how)

29. Eight Ways We Don’t Listen • Mind Reader Thinking “what is the person really thinking or feeling?” • Rehearser - “Here’s what I’ll say next.” • Filterer - Selective listening • Dreamer - Drifting off • Identifier Referring everything to your own experience • Derailer Changes the subject quickly • Sparrer Belittle or discount • Placater Agree with everything to be nice or to avoid conflict Source: The Writing Lab, Purdue University Press

30. Mehrabian’s Rule

31. Breaker Switches/Hot Buttons • Things that drive you crazy • Types of people for whom you have limited tolerance • Character traits that cause you to lose patience

32. Managing Hot Buttons/Breaker Switches • Self-awareness • Go to the balcony • Count • Breathe • Silence • I’m outta here! • Others?

33. Conflict Management Toolbox 1. Listen Actively • Reframe/restate/ • Reflect emotions • Intervene as little as possible, but as much as is necessary 5. Use of Silence 6. Look for apologies 7. Look for areas of agreement

34. Conflict Management Toolbox 7. Reality Testing/BATNA 8. Brainstorming • Find the Interests Underlying the Positions 10. Caucusing/Shuttle Diplomacy 11. Use Objective measuring tools 12. Be Future-Oriented

35. Questioning Techniques

36. Closed-ended Questions

37. Open-ended Questions

38. Use of Silence

39. Reflecting Emotions

40. Reality Testing Tell me what that will look like? How will that work? What happens if we are not able to reach an agreement in mediation? Have you gotten any legal or other professional advice?

41. People Mediation! A Recent study by the Center for Conflict Resolution showed the characteristics of mediation most favored by participants are: • Ability to use their own vocabulary; • Having enough time to tell their story; • Being listened to; • Feeing empowered to generate and craft options and solutions

43. What is NYSAMP? The New York State Agricultural Mediation Program is one of 35 programs around the country, funded by the United States Department of Agri- culture, that provide conflict Management services for cases Involving agricultural producers. In NYS, the funds are administered by the NYS Unified Court System and the NYS Dispute Resolution Association. Services are offered in all 62 counties of the state.

44. Community Dialogue on Challenging Issues We can help you host productive, respectful conversations on challenging issues facing your community Dialogue and discourse; not argument and debate

46. Sample Principles and Ground Rules for Community Conversations Everyone is encouraged to participate. No one or two individuals dominate. All the major choices or positions on the issue are considered. We remember that conversation is the natural way humans think together. Seek to understand rather than persuade We listen to each other. Speak from the heart. Be brief One person talks at a time. Don’t cut people off. We expect it to be messy at times.

47. 4 Pine West Plaza; Suite 411; Albany, NY 12205 Peter Glassman -- Statewide Director of the NYS Agricultural Mediation Program peter@nysdra.org