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Relational Aggression. How can we give our girls the skills to deal with the pressure of friendships and group behaviour?. Relational aggression is broadly defined as “ behaviour that is intended to harm someone by damaging or manipulating his or her relationships with others ”.
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Relational Aggression How can we give our girls the skills to deal with the pressure of friendships and group behaviour?
Relational aggression is broadly defined as “behaviour that is intended to harm someone by damaging or manipulating his or her relationships with others”. It is more common amongst girls, and is difficult to monitor or observe due to its covert nature.
Today, we see increasing numbers of girls showing ‘mean streaks’ in a variety of ways. In particular, girls display "hidden" and "indirect" aggression in the form of rumor spreading and/or social exclusion. They are also increasingly using forms of verbal violence using electronic social media.
While boys tend to inflict bodily pain through physical forms of bullying (e.g., kicking, pushing), or direct verbal aggression, girls most often display aggression through indirect means. Females typically engage in ‘covert bullying’, which involves concealed methods of hostility based on communication-based attacks.
Relational aggression occurs between girls of all ages, but is most salient during adolescence, which is marked by an increase in peer interaction. Girls aged nine and upwards begin to realize the power they have over the emotions and allegiances of others, and it is during this time that bullying behaviour may first manifest itself.
The key to relational aggression is its covert nature, whereby behaviours are masked to not appear aggressive. In this way, a girl can operate without ever interacting with the victim; attacking in circuitous ways through third parties in order to conceal her intent.
Acts of relational aggression include gossiping, spreading rumors, ignoring, staring, giving nasty looks, exclusion from a friendship group, isolation, alienation, writing hurtful letters, and stealing friends or boyfriends.
These more subtle forms of attack involve girls’ manipulation of other children in order to injure or control those children’s ability to maintain rapport or social standing with their peers, or their own self-esteem.
Female bullies often thrive because the conflicts they create are often misinterpreted as squabbles between friends, and taken less seriously than if had been recognized as bullying incidents with clearly identified ringleaders and victims.
A number of studies have noted the powerful influence of non-verbal communication between females. For example, by rolling the eyes, glaring, ignoring, turning away, pointing, giggling, or using the ‘silent treatment’, an aggressive girl can socially isolate her victim from former or potential friends.
Given the complex interpersonal nature of this form of aggression, strategies for dealing with the problem require careful consideration. Simply applying the Code of Conduct has limited likelihood of success. The most effective approaches involve education and learning at all levels.
The key to success is understanding the social emotional world of pre-teen and teenage girls. Our modeling and conversations with them are the first place to start. Results take time and require patience and determination.
