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Neighbours, Friends and Families

Neighbours, Friends and Families. Neighbours, Friends and Families. Purpose Neighbours, Friends and Families is a campaign to raise awareness of the signs of woman abuse so that people who are close to an at-risk woman or abusive man can help.

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Neighbours, Friends and Families

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  1. Neighbours, Friends and Families

  2. Neighbours, Friends and Families Purpose Neighbours, Friends and Families is a campaign to raise awareness of the signs of woman abuse so that people who are close to an at-risk woman or abusive man can help

  3. What Do I Need to Know About Woman Abuse? • How can I identify and help women at risk of abuse? • What are the warning signs? • What are the risks of future harm? • What safety planning tips can I keep in mind?

  4. What Does Woman Abuse Look Like? • Physical • Sexual • Psychological or Emotional • Spiritual • Economic

  5. Documentary “What everyone should know about woman abuse.” Lived Experience

  6. What Are The Warning Signs? “He could be very charming… but the more I got to know her I noticed Ed was not allowing her to leave the house…he just seemed controlling that way.” (Deb Ashbee)

  7. What Are The Indicators for Risk of Future Harm? “He quit his job because he couldn’t keep tabs on her… drive to see if she’s there or not… then we saw the van around the area a lot more.” (Leona Hegger)

  8. Public Service Announcements “The Game”“The Store”

  9. What Are The Warning Signs? The Game “I’m so sorry… …Hey baby, wait up”

  10. If you recognize some of these warning signs, it may be time to take action: He lies to make himself look good and exaggerates his good qualities He puts her down He does all the talking and dominates the conversation He checks up on her all the time – even at work He tries to keep her away from you He suggests he is the victim and acts depressed He acts as if he owns her He acts like he is superior and of more value than others in his home Warning Signs (The Game)

  11. If you recognize some of these warning signs, it may be time to take action: She may be apologetic and makes excuses for his behaviour or becomes aggressive or angry She is nervous about talking when he is there She seems to be sick more often and misses work She tries to cover her bruises She makes excuses at the last minute about why she can’t meet you or tries to avoid you on the street She seems sad, lonely, withdrawn and is afraid She uses more drugs or alcohol to cope Warning Signs (The Game)

  12. Is There A Risk for Future Harm? The Game “You’re ruining my son”

  13. Indicators for Risk of Future Harm (The Game) The danger may be greater if: • He has access to her and her children • He has access to weapons • He has a history of abuse with her or others • He has threatened to harm or kill her if she leaves him: He says “If I can't have you, no one will” • He threatens to harm her children, her pets or her property • He has threatened to kill himself • He has hit her, choked her • He is going through major life changes (e.g. job, separation, depression)

  14. Indicators for Risk of Future Harm (The Game) The danger may be greater if: • He is convinced she is seeing someone else. • He blames her for ruining his life (his son) • He doesn’t seek support • He watches her actions, listens to her telephone • conversations, sees her emails and follows her • He has trouble keeping a job • He takes drugs or drinks every day • He has no respect for the law (verbal abuse in public) • She has just separated or is planning to leave • She is pregnant

  15. What Are The Warning Signs? “I’m not paying you support for this!” The Store

  16. If you recognize some of these warning signs, it may be time to take action: He puts her down He does all the talking and dominates the conversation He checks up on her all the time He tries to keep her away from you He suggests he is the victim and acts depressed He acts as if he owns her He lies to make himself look good and exaggerates his good qualities He acts like he is superior and of more value than others in his home Warning Signs(The Store)

  17. If you recognize some of these warning signs, it may be time to take action: She may be apologetic and makes excuses for his behaviour or becomes aggressive or angry She is nervous about talking when he is there She seems to be sick more often and misses work She tries to cover her bruises She makes excuses at the last minute about why she can’t meet you or tries to avoid you on the street She seems sad, lonely, withdrawn and is afraid She uses more drugs or alcohol to cope Warning Signs(The Store)

  18. Is There A Risk for Future Harm? (The Store) The Store “You can’t be trusted. That’s why I keep tabs on you”

  19. Indicators for Risk of Future Harm (The Store) The danger may be greater if: • He has access to her and her children • He has access to weapons • He has a history of abuse with her or others • He has threatened to harm or kill her if she leaves him: He says “If I can't have you, no one will” • He threatens to harm her children, her pets or her property • He has threatened to kill himself • He has hit her, choked her • He is going through major life changes (e.g. job, separation, depression)

  20. Indicators for Risk of Future Harm (The Store) The danger may be greater if: • He is convinced she is seeing someone else • He blames her for ruining his life • He doesn’t seek support • He watches her actions, listens to her telephone conversations, sees her emails and follows her • He has trouble keeping a job • He takes drugs or drinks every day • He has no respect for the law ( stalking behaviour) • She has just separated or is planning to leave

  21. How Can I Support Her? • Examples: Talk to her about what you see and assure her that you are concerned Tell her you believe her and that it is not her fault Provide information about safety

  22. Safety Planning for Women Developing a Safety plan Getting Ready to Leave Leaving the Abuser After Leaving Information: The Assaulted Women’s Helpline, local Women’s Shelter, Sexual Assault Crisis Centre, SADVC, and other women’s services in your area

  23. What Can I Say?

  24. Talking To Men Who Are Abusive • Choose the right time and place • Approach him when he is calm. • Be direct and clear about what you have seen. • Avoid making judgmental comments about him as a person • Don’t validate his attempt to blame others • Don’t try to force him to change or to seek help • Tell him that you are concerned for the safety of his partner and children and that there is help for him • Never argue with him about his abusive actions • Recognize that confrontational, argumentative approaches may make the situation worse and put her at higher risk

  25. Overcoming Your Hesitation to Help You may have concerns about whether you should help: Examples: • You feel it’s none of your business • You don’t know what to say • You might make things worse • You are afraid he will become angry • with you (or the woman) • Both partners are your friends • You think it is a private matter

  26. What ToDo • Learn the 15 warning signs and 23 high risk factors • Recognize that helping women who are abused, or at risk, is a socially acceptable behaviour • Talk to the Assaulted Women’s Helpline for support and/or advice about what you have seen • Call the police in an emergency

  27. What ToDo Offer the woman at risk the safety planning brochure/card Talk to men who are abusive and let them know you are concerned for the woman’s/children’s safety and that there is help for them Promote the brochures and safety cards in your community

  28. Key Messages • Neighbours, Friends and Families have a crucial role to play in preventing woman abuse • You can learn about the warning signs of woman abuse and you can learn how to help • You can make the brochures and safety cards available to people you know

  29. Key Messages • Communities working together can make a difference in abused women’s and children’s lives • Talking to abusive men is critical to ending woman abuse • Abusive behaviour won’t go away by itself. There are services to help men who abuse

  30. Research The Domestic Violence Death Review Committee (DVDRC) was developed to assist the Ontario Office of the Chief Coroner to investigate and review deaths occurring as a result of domestic violence. Many consistent factors were found during several years of review: 2002 - 2006

  31. Death Review Findings …in every case reviewed, family members, neighbours, and/or professionals had some knowledge of the escalating circumstance between perpetrators and victims. (DVDRC 2003)

  32. Death Review Findings …the greatest need continues to be educating all members of the community about the warning signs of domestic violence and the appropriate action necessary to prevent it. (DVDRC 2005)

  33. Death Review Findings One example of raising awareness about the warning signs of woman abuse, safety planning and risk reduction strategies is the Neighbours, Friends and Families Campaign. (DVDRC 2005)

  34. Why Are Women Abused? • Abusive behaviour is the responsibility of the abuser, yet social conditions and beliefs reinforce the abusive behaviour • Women are not truly equal in our society • Acts of woman abuse often occur in isolation. The belief that woman abuse is a private matter is a common myth that perpetuates the abuse

  35. Why Are Women Abused? • The inequality of women is sustained by the belief that one gender, race, religion, sexual orientation, class, age or physical ability is better than another • Abuse occurs because one group or person has power over another and believes they are entitled to it

  36. Vocabulary • The term woman abuse has been incorporated throughout the NFF materials • The underlying systemic issues of power and control are less apparent when terms such as domestic violence or marital conflict are used.

  37. Neighbours, Friends and Families • The NFF materials are highly adaptable (not a one size fits all solution) • Neighbours, Friends and Families • Voisins, amis et familles • Kanawayhitowin • Brochures and Safety Cards have been translated and culturally adapted

  38. Arabic Chinese Simplified Chinese Traditional Characters English  Farsi French  Korean Punjabi Indian Punjabi Pakistani Russian Somali Spanish Tamil Vietnamese Brochures & Safety Cards

  39. Neighbours, Friends and Families Most Ontarians feel a personal responsibility for reducing woman abuse...recognizing it is the first step Take the warning signs seriously

  40. Partnership Neighbours, Friends and Families is the result of a partnership between the Ontario Government and the Expert Panel on Neighbours, Friends and Families, through the Centre for Research and Education on Violence Against Women and Children

  41. Neighbours, Friends and Families Website www.neighboursfriendsandfamilies.on.ca www.kanawayhitowin.on.ca www.voisinsamisetfamilles.on.ca Contact information: info@neighboursfriendsandfamilies.ca Alfredo Marroquin 519-471-6590

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