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“Are you a real man?”

“Are you a real man?”. “Of course I am, baby. Was there any doubt?”. “Then you have to treat me with respect. That means no name calling, no pushing me around, and I’m not sure I like you calling me ‘baby.’ I hardly know you.”. What is Relationship Aggression?. Domestic Violence/Abuse

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“Are you a real man?”

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  1. “Are you a real man?”

  2. “Of course I am, baby. Was there any doubt?”

  3. “Then you have to treat me with respect. That means no name calling, no pushing me around, and I’m not sure I like you calling me ‘baby.’ I hardly know you.”

  4. What is Relationship Aggression? • Domestic Violence/Abuse • Dating Violence/Abuse • Physical, Sexual, Psychological • Physical: hitting, kicking, punching, slapping, using physical force

  5. Who does it? • Perpetrator and victim can be either male or female • Most common scenario is male perpetrator and female victim • This activity will use a male perpetrator and female victim in its examples, but remember, either sex can take on either role Perp Victim Perp Bystander Victim

  6. “She started it.” • Society tends to overlook it if the female started the violence. We focus on the male’s actions • You will get in trouble if you let it escalate It doesn’t matter. You have to stop it.

  7. “She deserved it.” “C’mon man! No one deserves to be the victim of violence.”

  8. “I didn’t do it.” • Look at why the claim is being made • People have different definitions of violence • If she thinks what your doing is violent, don’t do it Yes you did

  9. Tension Building Remission or Honeymoon The Cycle of Violence Explosion

  10. Stage 1: Tension Building • Tension builds around victim • Arguing, blaming, anger toward victim • Victim tries to please aggressor

  11. Stage 2: Explosion • Event of severe violence • Built-up stress and tension eliminated • Victim blames self

  12. Stage 3: Remission or Honeymoon • Aggressor supports victim • Aggressor offers justifications and apologies • Shortens in length over time, and may eventually disappear

  13. Reflection: Tension-Building • Think about how tension built up before violence happened • What was happening? • What were you feeling?

  14. Reflection: Explosion • Think about the explosion • What happened? • How did you feel?

  15. Reflection: Honeymoon • Think about the honeymoon period that came after the explosion • How did you act during this stage? • How did you feel? • How long did the honeymoon last?

  16. Reflection: The Cycle • Did the cycle repeat itself?

  17. What is violence?

  18. Violence in your Past • What were you taught about violence as you grew up? • What were models of violence that you grew up with? • You still have to accept responsibility for your own actions.

  19. Your Personal Strengths • What are your strengths? What are you good at? • Use your strengths to help deal with situations that could potentially turn violent

  20. Your Plan for Keeping a Cool Head • Plan to help avoid using violence in the future • Complete “My Plan for Keeping a Cool Head” worksheet

  21. Step 1: Identify Warning Signs • Breathing hard • Increased heart rate • Tunnel vision • Repetitive movements (like tapping) • Trouble focusing on environment • Voice changes • Sweating • Shaking or trembling • Clenched jaw

  22. Step 2: Things to Tell Myself • Write down some of your personal strengths from the worksheet • Use these to help you avoid using violence in the future

  23. Step 3: Avoiding Violence • Walk away • Take a deep breath • Take a break from the relationship • Listen to music • Take a nap • Talk to somebody • Read a book • Have something to eat • Watch TV or a movie

  24. Step 4: People I can Talk To • Teachers • Family members • Mentors • Religious leaders • Friends • Neighbors • Counselors • Specific names of people

  25. Your Finished Crisis Prevention Plan • What will you do with this? • Where will you keep it?

  26. What are you going to do?

  27. References • Ozark Guidance, (n.d.). Anger management: Recognizing anger signs. Retrieved January 19, 2008, from http://www.ozarkguidance.org/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=5812&cn=116. • Domestic Violence Intervention Center, (n.d.). The cycle of violence. Retrieved December 21, 2007, from http://www.dvic.org/Cycle-of-Violence.php. • Murray, Christine E. & Kardatzke, Kerrie N. (2007). Dating violence among college students: Key issues for college counselors. Journal of College Counseling, 10, 79-89. • Seligman, Martin E. P. (2002). Authentic happiness: Using the new positive psychology to realize your potential for lasting fulfillment. New York: Free Press

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