Broken people in a broken world: Member care and suffering

1. Broken people in a broken world: Member care and suffering Dr Debbie Hawker InterHealth debbie.hawker@interhealth.org.uk www.interhealth.org.uk

2. Member care and suffering • What is there to say? • Suffering happens • Suffering happens everywhere, whether we stay or go • I do not follow the ‘gospel of emotional prosperity’ (constant happiness) • Following Jesus means a willingness to sacrifice and to accept risk & suffering

3. God does not promise to protect us from suffering • Almost the opposite (‘you will suffer’) • But He promises that if we abide in Him, He will be with us while we suffer, and we will be with Him in eternity (with no more sorrow) • ‘He will never leave you’ (Deut 31:6) • ‘Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death … you are with me’ (Ps 23:4) • ‘When you pass through the waters, I will be with you’ (Is 43.2).

4. This is not a new issue • Mission has always involved sacrifice, risk and suffering • In the past, some mission personnel were advised to pack their belongings in a coffin, and assume they would not return alive • The suffering may have been different (e.g. more died through topical illnesses) • Some were martyred then. More are martyred now.

5. Current trends There are approximately 3 times as many lethal natural disasters during any given year than there were 25 years ago (due to more people living in disaster prone areas, and increase in hurricanes, floods, droughts etc)

6. Current trends • Kidnapping of humanitarian workers has increased by 350% over the last 3 years • In 2008, 260 humanitarian aid workers were killed, kidnapped or seriously injured in violent attacks, representing a 12-year high

7. Christians at risk • Targeted because of their faith or nationality • But more are killed in traffic accidents

8. The need is for more than just a good psychologist/ counsellor • These people don’t need me to just offer a good ‘treatment’ (for trauma, depression or whatever) – although that can be very important • A psychologist or counsellor may be able to offer some help, but what really matters is for them to know God sustaining them • There is more to member care than good counselling • Our ultimate goal is not to remove all problems or suffering or to make everyone happy

9. What is member care? • Some people believe it is ‘just counselling’ or even ‘coddling’ (‘wrapping missionaries in cotton wool’) • Some see it as preventing, reducing or removing risk and suffering • Some see it only as reactive – if there is a problem, member carers come in to help solve it

10. What is member care? • In fact, it aims to prevent as well as tackle problems • But IT IS MORE THAN THIS • 20 years ago, there was much less member care • Few people were debriefed; now debriefing is commonly accepted and expected

11. What is member care? • 20 years ago, few evangelical Christians went on retreats or had spiritual directors or mentors • Now, these are becoming more accepted. I’m encouraged that by the ‘spirituality track’at this EMCC, and the sessions on retreats, spiritual formation etc. • I believe spiritual growth is the next major area to move to in member care • Many mission partners now have less ‘grounding’ in the Bible than in previous generations • Assisting spiritual growth and discipleship is key

12. So, what can we do, as member care providers? • Pray – for those who are suffering, and for wisdom • Help people work out what is ‘wise risk’ and what is unnecessary risk (especially where children/ vulnerable people are involved) • Help people cope with difficulties and remain close to God and glorify Him

13. Before people go • Wise selection of people & placements

14. Good preparation (foster resilience) • Emotional: Humour; expectations; talking/ journaling • Spiritual: * theology of suffering/ risk * consideration of ‘call’ and purpose * on-going spiritual growth * attitude of gratitude * forgiveness * eternal perspective • Relationships: A healthy support network; teams • Physical: Maintaining healthy life-style (including exercise, rest, etc) • Thought processes; problem-solving; sense of purpose

15. While people are away • Maintaining good links/ communication • Dealing with problems early (including conflict) • On-going support • Mentor/ spiritual director/ retreats/ help with spiritual growth • Also support for extended family • Intervention if there are difficulties (conflict, crises etc) • Discussion about the future/ prep for ‘what’s next’

16. At times of crisis • Additional support • May involve helping them decide whether to stay or leave • Don’t assume that leaving is always best (e.g. MCS – better to stay with peer group) • Risk/ benefit analysis (children ‘at home’ face risks – bullying/ no faith/ self-harm/ drugs/ depression etc)

17. When people return ‘home’ • Welcome, affirmation • Good debriefing • On-going care and support • Where there has been post-traumatic stress, don’t just treat that, but help to foster post-traumatic growth including spiritual growth

18. Guidelines for good practice in member care (UK) • New value is under discussion • ‘Serving Christ involves risk and suffering; our aim is not to remove all difficulties, but to help personnel cope with them in a way which glorifies God’ • Member care is not an end in itself. The aim is to help equip personnel for effective and sustainable ministry. Holiness is more important than happiness.

19. Our aim • Whilst member care often reduces difficulties and increases wellbeing, a more important aim is to help personnel cope with difficulties, so that they can be more effective in ministry. • We do what we can to help, and trust the rest to God.

20. Literature on suffering What matters is not the cause or the extent of the suffering, but the meaning we make of it and how we respond to it. Suffering can make us or break us. We are damaged, or we recover, or we grow through it

21. Suffering is an opportunity • If we don’t suffer, how can we identify with the suffering people we minister to? (2 Cor 1:3-4 ‘Praise God … who comforts us … so that we can comfort others’). • Through suffering, we grow to maturity • God is glorified when we suffer and continue to trust Him • Simon Guillebaud speaks powerfully of embracing risk and expecting suffering

22. Before my first mission trip 20 years ago I read book with 4 chapters • Ch. 1: Prepare to be misunderstood • Ch. 2: Prepare to be persecuted • Ch. 3: What we can learn from the Peace Corps • Ch. 4: Prepare for culture shock (‘Don’t go overseas until you’ve read this book’ by Neil Gallagher) Do we still prepare people for suffering? (Brother Yun does…)

23. From suffering to work-life balance • We should talk about suffering • And also about rest and looking after oneself • It’s not one or the other; both have a place • Jesus wept and Jesus went to parties

24. Posttraumatic growth • There is now a lot of literature on this • Spirituality can lead to posttraumatic growth, or be a source of struggle when trauma occurs (faith is shattered as the trauma does not fit in with our beliefs about God)

25. Phil 4:12-13 ‘I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength’

26. Quote from Philip Yancey Christians in affluent countries tend to pray, ‘Lord take this trial away from us’. I have heard prisoners, persecuted Christians, and some who live in very poor countries, pray instead, ‘Lord, give us the strength to bear this trial’. (Reaching for the invisible God, 2000)

27. So much depends on attitude • I come from a culture which wants to avoid risk, and promises instant gratification • A culture of ‘rights’, and complaints

28. Complaints written by those visiting the Bridger Wilderness (one of the wonders of USA) (A magnificent, unspoilt region of over 400 acres, with mountains & glaciers, forests, lakes & wildlife) • ‘Trails need to be wider, so people can walk while holding hands’ • ‘Please avoid building trails that go up hill’ • ‘Too many bugs and leeches and spiders webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the areas of these pests’

29. Complaints written by those visiting the Bridger Wilderness • Escalators would help on steep uphill sections’ • ‘Chair-lifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike them’ • A McDonalds would be nice at the trailhead’

30. Feedback from short-term mission trips • Is sometimes rather similar (e.g. ‘we were told about the lovely beaches, but hardly got any time to spend on them’)

31. Factors increasing resilience among African missionaries • Strong sense of community and family • Not expecting to get everything they would like (no ‘it’s my right’ attitude) – i.e. acceptance • A tendency to forgive mistakes • An expectation that life will be difficult • High value placed on hospitality & generosity (giving to others who have less) (Carr, 2006) Also add: • Gratitude for what we have; eternal perspective; joy; praise

32. Can we help build these resilience factors, among Europeans also?

33. When something bad happens • Do I complain? • Or thank God it wasn’t worse, and pray for anyone who might have done it to me?

34. And foster LOVE • Love can help us endure much pain (‘social support’/ knowing we are loved) • Love can help teams/ co-workers accept each other despite differences • Love can provide a sense of meaning which helps us keep going despite difficulties (loving those we minister to) • Love for God, our neighbours, our family … and ourselves

35. There is suffering which we can’t change • But there is also suffering which we CAN change. • Sometimes our actions can help PREVENT suffering. It might be as simple as advising mission personnel to take more care in what we put on Facebook/ internet. Or to go on security courses (simulation training). Or to address problems early…

36. What’s the worst part of mission? Mission workers often report coping well with traumatic experiences (they are prepared for them; they are one-off and soon over; they are not aimed at them personally). They struggle more with on-going stresses of life in a ‘difficult’ culture, and relationship problems (more personal), & over-work.

37. ‘What was the worst part of your mission experience?’ % Cultural frustrations 21 Relationship problems 18 Dissatisfaction with work/ agency 17 Missing home/ problems at home 12 Traumatic incidents8 Living conditions/ health 6 Isolation 5 Returning home 5 Everything/ no response 8

38. Can busyness cause suffering?

39. Quote from Anthony de Mello ‘the great tragedy of life lies not in how much we suffer, but in how much we miss’

40. What can we do about the suffering which arises due to busyness? • The MKs I come across rarely complain about the traumatic events they experienced • More complain about not having enough time with their parents (‘they cared more about ministry than about me’).

41. During war in Nepal & Darfur • Missionaries told me that over-work caused them more stress than the war

42. Obstacles to growth survey (2001-2007) Data from over 20,000 Christians in 139 countries found that 40% of Christians around the world said they ‘often’ or ‘always’ rush from task to task. About 60% said it’s ‘often’ or ‘always’ true that ‘the busyness of life gets in the way of developing my relationship with God’.

43. What can we do to reduce over-busyness? • In our lives, and to help others?

44. Those who have been close to death • Often learn to value every moment • But many of us are too busy to do that, and we become depressed not because of major traumas, but because of ongoing, cumulative stress

45. Searching for treasure • On 1st Jan 2008, a Dad & his 7-year old son agreed to spend at least 15 minutes daily searching for treasure together • They found coins, golf balls, recyclable bottles & other items worth E720 in the year, & enjoyed hours of fun together • What do we invest 15 minutes a day in? Time with God? Family?

46. What can member care providers offer? • Allow people, including leaders, to express their ‘doubts’, differences, and questions (e.g. will this person who committed suicide go to hell?’ or even ‘does God send anyone to eternal torment?’) • This can lead to growth, and protect from disaster • Don’t be judgemental • Be humble, and willing to admit ‘I don’t know’.

47. What can member care providers offer? • Let God be judge, not us. • ‘For your thoughts are not my thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord’ (Is 55: 8).

48. What if you feel broken? And what about broken people who apply to be mission personnel?

49. God chooses and uses people who have been broken • Look at the Bible (Moses, David, Rahab, Peter, Saul/Paul etc) • I would probably not pass most standard missionary selection procedures • Marjory Foyle (who has been working in missions since 1949) received a reference from her pastor saying she should ‘never be sent to India because she was a very nervous person’!

50. Strength from weakness • ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness’ (2 Cor 12:9) • Those ‘whose weakness was turned to strength’ (Hebrews 11: 34)