COMM 470 Agenda - Week 13

1. COMM 470 Agenda - Week 13 LC2 – I Will Return Next Week LC3 – Due last class Final Exam – Friday, May 19, 10:30 – 12:30 Review Listening Exercise for Week 12 Lecture - Tannen ITE 13 Listening Exercise for Week 13

2. In-Class Team Exercise # 13a Discuss: • How did you do with Noticing Complaining this week? • Count how many times; share 2 examples • Was it easy? Difficult? Deliverable - Summarize in a table how many conversations you each had where you:1) charted that same day2) charted before class today, but not the same day3) didn’t chart at all 4) ADDED: estimate your TOTAL # of conversations last week • ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

3. In-Class Team Exercise # 13b Discuss: • How did you do with Noticing Gossip this week? • Count how many times; share 2 examples • Was it easy? Difficult? Deliverable - Summarize in a table how many conversations you each had where you:1) charted that same day2) charted before class today, but not the same day3) didn’t chart at all 4) ADDED: estimate your TOTAL # of conversations last week • ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

4. Speaking into the Listening of Others What are some examples of “weak speaking?”

5. Speaking into the Listening of Others What are some examples of “weak speaking?” • Being indirect (not stating a request as a request) • Being non-committal • Being tentative • Putting yourself down What are some words that connote “weak speaking?”

6. Speaking into the Listening of Others What are some words that connote “weak speaking?” • “Sort of” • “Kind of” • “Try” What are some examples of “weak speaking?” • “We’re going to, sort of, learn about listening.” • “I’ll try to e-mail you tonight.” • “Why don’t we have Chinese for lunch?”

7. Speaking into the Listening of Others What are some words that connote “STRONG speaking?” • Yes • No • I want, I request, I agree, I disagree What are some examples of “STRONG speaking?” • “We are going to learn about listening.” • “I will e-mail you tonight.” • “I’d like to have Chinese for lunch?”

8. Speaking into the Listening of Others Other forms of “weak speaking” • Talking about the Past (Unless we focus on a lesson) • Complaining (Almost always wasteful of time and focus) • Gossiping (It reduces the listening we have for the object of the gossip) Forms of “Strong speaking” • Talking about the Present / Future (If planning or building) • Taking Your Complaints to Someone with Power • Acknowledging Others

9. Electronic Text Communication Categories of Rules for Clear E-Text Communication: • General Rules – Apply to ALL Electronic Text Communication • E-mail Rules • Instant Messaging (IM) Rules • Text Messaging Rules (Do Some Differ from IM?) • Discussion Board Rules • ‘My Space’ Rules

10. In-Class Team Exercise # 12c What are the five (5) most important rules for clear DISCUSSION LIST communication? Discuss: • Each person should first rank their own top 3 • Hint: Think of examples when people have violated unwritten rules – what is the rule? • The team should hold 3 rounds of discussion – individuals discuss 1 of their 3 – by using an example - each round • The team should compare and choose the 5 most important NOTE: When you find a “general” rule – one that applies to all (or most) forms of electronic text – take it out of this list and add it to the team’s list of General Rules for E-Text • ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Deliverable: List the team’s top 5

11. In-Class Team Exercise # 12d What are the five (5) most important rules for effective “My Space” communication? Discuss: • Each person should first rank their own top 3 • Hint: Think of examples when people have violated unwritten rules – what is the rule? • The team should hold 3 rounds of discussion – individuals discuss 1 of their 3 – by using an example - each round • The team should compare and choose the 5 most important NOTE: When you find a “general” rule – one that applies to all (or most) forms of electronic text – take it out of this list and add it to the team’s list of General Rules for E-Text • ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Deliverable: List the team’s top 5

12. In-Class Team Exercise # 12e What are the five (5) most important GENERAL rules for effective Electronic Text communication? Discuss: • Each person should first rank their own top 3 • Hint: Think of examples when people have violated unwritten rules – what is the rule? • The team should hold 3 rounds of discussion – individuals discuss 1 of their 3 – by using an example - each round • The team should compare and choose the 5 most important NOTE: When you find a “general” rule – one that applies to all (or most) forms of electronic text – take it out of this list and add it to the team’s list of General Rules for E-Text • ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Deliverable: List the team’s top 5

13. Gender Issues in Communication Deborah Tannen found - • Women view comm as Rapport; Men as ‘Report’ • Women experience comm as relatedness; Men experience comm as status (one-up or one-down) • Women are more likely to be indirect; Men direct • Women report a lack of comm in relationships; Men don’t Differences When Looking at Kids - • Girls base relationships on talking; boys base them on doing • Girls’ groups are small; Boys groups larger (also inclusive, hierarchical) • Girls face each others, boys often don’t • Girls support by sharing the same problem, boys minimize Women & Men • Women verbalize agreement (participatory listenership), men use silence • Women assume listener’s job is agreement; Men assume listener’s job is to challenge or probe

14. Issues in Communication Girls & Boys • Boys have a hierarchy during play, Girls less so • Boys see mistakes as more serious than girls do • Play is ‘performance art’ for boys, girls worry less about getting credit • Boys solve disputes physically, girls use negotiation Direct vs. Indirect Comm • Being Involved vs. Being Independent • Deference vs. Camaraderie • Positive Politeness (involvement) vs. Negative Politeness (not imposing) – Brown & Levinson • Forging/eliciting consensus vs. manipulating • Implying ‘no’ without saying no • Dishonesty vs. Hypocrisy

15. Issues in Communication Arguments • Discussions in the media are more polarized today • Cooperation and compromise is not much valued – so people sit it out • Tannen’s example of the smoker • Relationships are about getting what you want • How can that be done 1) without domination, and 2) allowing others to get what they want • The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. (F. Scott Fitzgerald) • Everybody’s right.(Ken Wilber) Family Communication • Literal meaning vs. meta-messages • Alignment – do you have to choose sides?