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Getting Comfortable Talking About Sex

Getting Comfortable Talking About Sex. TX Transition Conference - Austin, TX February 24, 2009 Patti Hackett, M.Ed. HRTW National Resource Center. Do you have “ICE” in your cell phone contact list?. To Program………. Create new contact Space or Underscore ____

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Getting Comfortable Talking About Sex

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  1. Getting Comfortable Talking About Sex TX Transition Conference - Austin, TX February 24, 2009 Patti Hackett, M.Ed. HRTW National Resource Center

  2. Do you have “ICE” in your cell phone contact list? To Program………. • Create new contact • Space or Underscore ____ • (this bumps listing to the top) • Type “ICE – 01” • – ADD Name of Person • - include all ph #s • - Note your allergies • You can have up to 3 ICE contacts (per EMS)

  3. Getting Comfortable Talking About Sex • Remember when spring fever meant more than baseball season? • Youth with disabilities have sexual needs. Get a basic overview of what is new, resources to share, and experts with whom to connect. • This is not a how-to, but a why-not session.

  4. Getting Comfortable Talking About Sex • This session –what do you want? • Write your questions. • What is your comfort zone? • Experts in the audience • Who is here

  5. Session • Let’s talk about some issues • Ask Questions during presentation • Dialogue with goal to be more comfortable talking about “it” • eCopies of ppt & handouts

  6. Session • Resources & New Info • My Journey to Support My Son • Myths • Sexuality & You!

  7. Hmmmm……. Reactions? Discussion First thoughts?

  8. Correspondence with Family The Masturbation Letter • About the student • Teacher to Mom – what did it take? • Mom to Teacher – thoughts about response?

  9. Doing “It”! Yes, Youth Feel Sexy While we all work towards AYP, NCLB and improved individual productivity levels of our students in their academic areas how do we address what’s important to them? SEX, feeling sexy and avoiding heartaches and STDs. Whose job is it anyways? Sexuality is not an after school activity, and what happens if you require some adaptations and creativity?

  10. Doing “It”! Yes, Youth Feel Sexy This keynote will make you laugh alot, squirm a little and learn ways to introduce the issues, balance the needs. Patti, a former teacher and a mother of a son whowas disabledshares with humor what you need to know, where to go and how to make it look easy even when you may be blushing. She says she was born with the Irish horn%! gene.

  11. Attitudes &…..Embarrassment? So do you have one? Received one? The Erection Letter Why do these words – make you blush? • sex • masturbation • adaptive masturbation

  12. Transitions – adult view • Adult body • Mature (abstract) cognitive style • Separate from family/leave family home • Sustained peer relationships • Intimate relationships • Increasing autonomy….Interdependence • Define a productive adult role

  13. What’s on their minds?

  14. Transitions – youth viewpoint • Preoccupation - body & physical changes • Strong need to "belong" • Primacy of the peer group • Experimentation and risk-taking • More like those without a diagnosis than different

  15. A Million Dollar Blanket VC VD

  16. The Myths People with disabilities • are asexual • should not have sexual needs or feelings • are hypersexual

  17. The Concerns - Families • sexual abuse • inappropriate behavior • pregnancy • STDs • education will lead to arousal, irresponsible behavior

  18. The Concerns - Youth • what to do about “the feelings” • how to be (more) attractive/desirable • masturbation – dos / do nots • Doing IT! how, when, supports Sexualityis about acceptance of self and acceptance by others

  19. The Concerns - Youth • social segregation • lack of referrals - “experts” - adults with disabilities - CILs - rehabilitation phsychologist - sexologist • emotional survival • manage sexual urges • overcome social stereotypes: childlike, need of constant care

  20. "Love," can't be stopped by cultural differences or different faiths. "Love can't be stopped by Down syndrome." Quote from Minister who married Carolyn Bergeron, 29, and Sujeet Desai, 25, TIME, Sunday, Jul. 16, 2006

  21. Learning to Savor a Full Life, Love Life Included NY Times, April 20, 2006 The one time their romance was in trouble — a girl "was spending too much time at Gary's house, and I didn't like it," Ms. Graham said — they went to couples' counseling and worked it out. Their next hurdle will be moving from their family homes, both in Brooklyn, to a group residence. There, for the first time, Ms. Graham, who is mentally retarded, and Mr. Ruvolo, who hasDown syndrome, will be permitted to spend time together in private.

  22. The Concerns -- Teachers • What is my role?(legal too!) • Balance need to know • Balance cultural / religious beliefs • Open dialogue - respect and privacy • What to share or not with parents? • Where are the experts? Role models?

  23. Who Starts the Discussion? • Medical (Doc, Nurse, OT/PT) • Family (how early?) • Teachers • Community resources Everyday messages: TV, videos, Friends, Internet – family, community

  24. Family Roles • What pediatricians & teachers don’t know - don’t want to know • Discussion with primary care - referral • Medical Homewww.medicalhomeinfo.com (Sexuality as part of REAL comprehensive care plan) • Including in the IEPs, OT/PT plans

  25. Medical Provider Role: Transition • HEALTH - IHTP(Individualized Health Transition Plan) Create a written health care transition plan by age 14: what services, who provides, how financed Consensus Statement on Health Care Transitions Pediatrics 2002:110 (suppl) 1304-1306 American Academy of Pediatrics American Academy of Family Physicians American College of Physicians/American Society of Internal Medicine

  26. Family Roles • Changing role: Parent  Personal Support • Honesty & Dignity (before puberty) • Pre-plan (smoothing out awkward moments) • When personal values differ • Terminal does not mean asexual

  27. Personal Assistance Services(PAS) • PAS for sexual expression • Choosing a provider • Family as providers • Feeling safe & comfortable with choice • No PAS  No sex  No choice

  28. What We Did: Supporting My Son • Masturbation Time! • Supplies: Youth (directs) Parent (gathers) • Role Switch: parent personal support • Clean-up (no talking) • Role Switch: personal support  parent

  29. Youth & Family Roles • Assess - The Plan, Supplies & Support • Revise supports - disease progression • Libido change: Rx Traditional - Alternative

  30. Sexuality & YOU • Myths: Green M&Ms • The # 200 ??? • Dr. Oz Recommendation 200

  31. Sexuality & YOU • Before your conversation with Child/Youth know first get comfortable with Your Values

  32. Contact Linda R. Mona, Ph.D. VA, Long Beach Healthcare System MyPleasure.com Patti Hackett, M.Ed. Healthy & Ready to Work National Resource Center www.hrtw.org pattihackett@hrtw.org

  33. Resources • www.MyPleasure.com • www.Sexualhealth.com • The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability (Kaufman, Silverberg, & Odette, 2003) • Quality Mall – Person Centered services supporting people with developmental disabilities • http://www.qualitymall.org/directory/dept1.asp?deptid=16

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