When two humans show up, they see the world differently. Fundamentally, we disagree..

1. At some level of detail, we always see the world differently. We even have different definitions for every word. When two humans show up, they see the world differently. Fundamentally, we disagree.. Your view. Hello people who like Peaceful relationships. Click Space Bar to go forward. You can also click Forward key. To go back, click Backup key. My view. All relationship stuff starts here. Just two people, coming together. al.turtlecounseling.com

2. Most of us seemed trained in early childhood to fear hearing or displaying disagreement. This is a big problem! Your view. My view. And I’ve found we have, and display, three choices al.turtlecounseling.com

3. Extinguish the Differences MasterTalk It’s your call! 1 Your view. My view. And I’ve found we have, and display, three choices al.turtlecounseling.com

4. Extinguish the Differences MasterTalk It’s your call! 1 • Stating “facts” or the “single truth” • “We’re going into town this afternoon.”  • “He really liked that yesterday.” • “It is hot in here.” • “Your partner is a liar.” • “You are Bi-polar.” • “Everyone likes chocolate ice cream.” • Confronting with “facts” • “You are wrong.” • “That is not right.” • “That is not what happened.” • “You are full of errors.” • “Everything you are saying is B.S.” • “That is a flat lie.” • Asking for “facts” • “What should we do about this?” • “What is the right way?” • “What happened yesterday?” • “I don’t know.” • “What should I do about my problem?” A sentence that implies there is a single truth. Only one way is right! Your view. • This sends a warning or threat to anyone who may disagree. • The warning is to KEEP QUIET. • After years of training, most people experience this threat at the unconscious level. Also most people who speak in MasterTalk do so unconsciously. • However, MasterTalk is simple for an observer to notice. • I think of this unconsciously threatening behavior as the first clue to the tactics of Extinguishing Differences. My view. If the threat in the MasterTalk is not heeded, if listeners speak up in disagreement, proceed to the next step. al.turtlecounseling.com

5. Extinguish the Differences Arguing Interrupting MasterTalk It’s your call! 1 • Verbal assault. • A clear sign of emotional reactivity, defensive or aggressive. • Act of two bullies verbally putting down each other’s point of view. • Verbal jabbing attempts to get the other to give in and shut up. • Legal and common in our culture. • Often called emotional battery. • Threats, put-downs and shaming. Your view. My view. If these threats are not heeded, proceed to the next step. al.turtlecounseling.com

6. Extinguish the Differences Domestic Violence Social Brawling Arguing Interrupting MasterTalk It’s your call! 1 • Physical assault • Act of one or more bullies physically putting down each other’s point of view. • Attempts to get the other to give in and shut up. • Currently criminal • Major threats. Your view. My view. • If these threats are not heeded, proceed to … Oh my God! al.turtlecounseling.com

7. Extinguish the Differences Domestic Violence Social Brawling Arguing Interrupting MasterTalk It’s your call! 1 • Remove those who dare to disagree. • Kill them. • Leave them. • Family or culture feuds • Genocide • And this step always works! • It ends the relationship. Your view. My view. al.turtlecounseling.com WAR

8. Extinguish the Differences Domestic Violence Social Brawling Arguing Interrupting MasterTalk It’s your call! 1 Divorce Suicide Murder One person cooperatively is silent. No sharing. Conflict Avoidant Political Correctness Avoids “offending, insulting, upsetting.” Looks like PEACE. But… Your view. 2 Building resentment. A pause before the explosion. “Out of the blue,” violence erupts. Victim defendant. Hide the Differences My view. Silence gives way to slow emergence of passive aggression, talking back and arguing. A second choice that that people display. al.turtlecounseling.com WAR

9. Extinguish the Differences Domestic Violence Social Brawling Arguing Interrupting MasterTalk It’s your call! Culture of deception 1 Both choices 1 & 2 involve withholding, or suppressing information. This leads to increasing tension about “the unknown.” People have little Predictive Information. Therefore they become tense, and anxious. One person cooperatively is silent. No sharing. Conflict Avoidant Political Correctness Avoids “offending, insulting, upsetting.” Looks like PEACE. But… Your view. 2 Building resentment. A pause before the explosion. Hide the Differences My view. 3 Relax with the Differences P E A C E A sentence that implies there are multiple points of view and all are acceptable. The third Choice. Use Communologue Use Dialogue • People are Dialogical • Fully sharing of differences. • Requires speaking/listening skills • Patience & self-containment People relax when they know what is going on and what will happen next. We call this Predictive Information. • This sends a welcome to those who disagree. • It invites sharing. • It creates a sense of safety in most people, at the unconscious level. Choice 3 involves sharing everything safely and peacefully. How? Guided and facilitated Dialogue in groups. • Boundaries, • Respect • Validation, • PreValidation, al.turtlecounseling.com WAR

10. Extinguish the Differences Domestic Violence Social Brawling Arguing Interrupting MasterTalk It’s your call! 1 Both these choices are non-Dialogical One person cooperatively is silent. No sharing. Conflict Avoidant Political Correctness Avoids “offending, insulting, upsetting.” Looks like PEACE. But… Your view. 2 Building resentment. A pause before the explosion. My view. Hide the Differences 3 Dialogical Relax with the Differences P E A C E Use Communologue Use Dialogue • People are Dialogical • Fully sharing of differences. • Requires speaking/listening skills • Patience & self-containment "If you are not dialogical at home, and are not guiding, teaching, and promoting dialogue at work, then you are probably part of the problem." • Boundaries, • Respect • Validation, • PreValidation, al.turtlecounseling.com WAR

11. Extinguish the Differences Domestic Violence Social Brawling Arguing Interrupting MasterTalk It’s your call! 1 One person cooperatively is silent. No sharing. Conflict Avoidant Political Correctness Avoids “offending, insulting, upsetting.” Looks like PEACE. But… Your view. 2 Building resentment. A pause before the explosion. Hide the Differences My view. 3 That is the chart. Let’s pause and give some examples, share some implications. Relax with the Differences P E A C E Use Communologue Use Dialogue • People are Dialogical • Fully sharing of differences. • Requires speaking/listening skills • Patience & self-containment “We believe that it is impossible for two people to agree on anything!” the old woman said. • Boundaries, • Respect • Validation, • PreValidation, al.turtlecounseling.com WAR

12. Extinguish the Differences Domestic Violence Social Brawling Arguing Interrupting MasterTalk It’s your call! 1 One person cooperatively is silent. No sharing. Conflict Avoidant Political Correctness Avoids “offending, insulting, upsetting.” Looks like PEACE. But… Your view. 2 Building resentment. A pause before the explosion. Hide the Differences My view. 3 Relax with the Differences P E A C E Use Communologue Use Dialogue “If two people are agreeing, you know one thing for sure. At least one of them is lying,” the old man said. • People are Dialogical • Fully sharing of differences. • Requires speaking/listening skills • Patience & self-containment • Boundaries, • Respect • Validation, • PreValidation, al.turtlecounseling.com WAR

13. Extinguish the Differences Domestic Violence Social Brawling Arguing Interrupting MasterTalk It’s your call! 1 One person cooperatively is silent. No sharing. Conflict Avoidant Political Correctness Avoids “offending, insulting, upsetting.” Looks like PEACE. But… Your view. 2 Building resentment. A pause before the explosion. Hide the Differences My view. 3 Relax with the Differences P E A C E “100% of couples I see are pre-Domestic Violence.” Use Communologue “40% of couples I see admit incidents of Domestic Violence.” Use Dialogue • People are Dialogical • Fully sharing of differences. • Requires speaking/listening skills • Patience & self-containment • Boundaries, • Respect • Validation, • PreValidation, al.turtlecounseling.com WAR

14. Extinguish the Differences Domestic Violence Social Brawling Arguing Interrupting MasterTalk It’s your call! 1 One person cooperatively is silent. No sharing. Conflict Avoidant Political Correctness Avoids “offending, insulting, upsetting.” Looks like PEACE. But… Your view. 2 Building resentment. A pause before the explosion. Hide the Differences My view. 3 Relax with the Differences P E A C E I believe MasterTalk is the primary language of our TV and radio media. Use Communologue Use Dialogue MasterTalk is the primary language of our politicians. • People are Dialogical • Fully sharing of differences. • Requires speaking/listening skills • Patience & self-containment • Boundaries, • Respect • Validation, • PreValidation, al.turtlecounseling.com WAR

15. Extinguish the Differences Domestic Violence Social Brawling Arguing Interrupting MasterTalk It’s your call! 1 One person cooperatively is silent. No sharing. Conflict Avoidant Political Correctness Avoids “offending, insulting, upsetting.” Looks like PEACE. But… Your view. 2 Building resentment. A pause before the explosion. Hide the Differences My view. 3 Relax with the Differences P E A C E “Argument is the verbal form of physical battery.” Use Communologue “Domestic violence is the physical form of arguing.” “I never saw an incident of DV that was not proceeded by argument.” Stop the trouble one step before it happens. Where? Here! Use Dialogue • People are Dialogical • Fully sharing of differences. • Requires speaking/listening skills • Patience & self-containment • Boundaries, • Respect • Validation, • PreValidation, al.turtlecounseling.com WAR

16. Extinguish the Differences Domestic Violence Social Brawling Arguing Interrupting MasterTalk It’s your call! 1 One person cooperatively is silent. No sharing. Conflict Avoidant Political Correctness Avoids “offending, insulting, upsetting.” Looks like PEACE. But… Your view. 2 Building resentment. A pause before the explosion. Hide the Differences My view. 3 Relax with the Differences P E A C E Let’s dialogue. Use Communologue Use Dialogue • People are Dialogical • Fully sharing of differences. • Requires speaking/listening skills • Patience & self-containment • Boundaries, • Respect • Validation, • PreValidation, al.turtlecounseling.com WAR

17. Extinguish the Differences Domestic Violence Social Brawling Arguing Interrupting MasterTalk It’s your call! 1 One person cooperatively is silent. No sharing. Conflict Avoidant Political Correctness Avoids “offending, insulting, upsetting.” Looks like PEACE. But… Your view. 2 Building resentment. A pause before the explosion. Hide the Differences My view. 3 Al’s Beliefs Relax with the Differences P E A C E “Domestic violence intervention is primarily an educational activity. Law enforcement is part of the process. Use Communologue Use Dialogue • People are Dialogical • Fully sharing of differences. • Requires speaking/listening skills • Patience & self-containment 1) All who respond to a DV incident should be well trained in being dialogical.” • Boundaries, • Respect • Validation, • PreValidation, al.turtlecounseling.com WAR

18. Extinguish the Differences Domestic Violence Social Brawling Arguing Interrupting MasterTalk It’s your call! 1 One person cooperatively is silent. No sharing. Conflict Avoidant Political Correctness Avoids “offending, insulting, upsetting.” Looks like PEACE. But… Your view. 2 Building resentment. A pause before the explosion. Hide the Differences My view. 3 Al’s Beliefs Relax with the Differences P E A C E “Domestic violence intervention is primarily an educational activity. Law enforcement is part of the process. Use Communologue Use Dialogue • People are Dialogical • Fully sharing of differences. • Requires speaking/listening skills • Patience & self-containment 2) All who work with ‘perpetrators’ should be well trained in modeling and teaching dialogue.” • Boundaries, • Respect • Validation, • PreValidation, al.turtlecounseling.com WAR

19. Extinguish the Differences Domestic Violence Social Brawling Arguing Interrupting MasterTalk It’s your call! 1 One person cooperatively is silent. No sharing. Conflict Avoidant Political Correctness Avoids “offending, insulting, upsetting.” Looks like PEACE. But… Your view. 2 Building resentment. A pause before the explosion. Hide the Differences My view. 3 Al’s Beliefs Relax with the Differences P E A C E “Domestic violence intervention is primarily an educational activity. Law enforcement is part of the process. Use Communologue Use Dialogue • People are Dialogical • Fully sharing of differences. • Requires speaking/listening skills • Patience & self-containment 3) All involved in the DV incident should go into training: “perpetrator” “victim” “witnesses.” • Boundaries, • Respect • Validation, • PreValidation, al.turtlecounseling.com WAR

20. Extinguish the Differences Domestic Violence Social Brawling Arguing Interrupting MasterTalk It’s your call! 1 One person cooperatively is silent. No sharing. Conflict Avoidant Political Correctness Avoids “offending, insulting, upsetting.” Looks like PEACE. But… Your view. 2 Building resentment. A pause before the explosion. Hide the Differences My view. 3 Relax with the Differences P E A C E Use Communologue Use Dialogue • People are Dialogical • Fully sharing of differences. • Requires speaking/listening skills • Patience & self-containment • Boundaries, • Respect • Validation, • PreValidation, al.turtlecounseling.com WAR