Normal Guilt, Guilt Induced by Extreme Abuse, and Some Suggestions for Working with Guilt

1. Normal Guilt, Guilt Induced by Extreme Abuse, and Some Suggestions for Working with Guilt Jeannie Riseman

2. Chat ground rules • Be respectful, be concise • Use the chat ONLY to write down questions for the QandA periods. • Hide chat column if it distracts you • Click the arrow on right top of the chat column to hide or show it • There will be an "open Chat" at the end of the

3. Private Chat • If you wish to chat privately with somebody: • There is s a list of people attending at the left of your screen • Click the green dot in front of the person's name • A private box will appear on the lower left side of your screen.

4. QandA Period Ground Rules • Be respectful, be concise • Say on the topic of guilt • There will be two 15 minutes QandA periods • One in the middle and one at the end of the presentation • The remaining time (until 2 PM Pacific time) will be "open discussion"

5. QandA periods: How to talk • Write your question or write ??? in the chat column • You will be called on in order. • Press Star 6 to talk • Press Star 6 after talking (so we don't hear your background noise)

6. We will cover: • Why appropriate guilt is good • How healthy guilt develops • How normal parents induce unhealthy guilt • How cults magnify guilt • Types of guilt • Some suggestions on handling guilt

7. Life without Guilt

8. Development of Guilt in Normal Children • Magical thinking --- baby is the center of the world, • Slowly realizes he doesn't control everything • Starts to sort out what he can control, what he can't • Parents start to teach rules

9. Different Authorities Teach Different Rules • Parents • School • Church • Peers • Television • Cult

10. Moro Reflex

11. Moro Reflex

12. QandA Period • Be respectful, be concise • Say on the topic of guilt • Write your question or write ??? • in the chat column • You will be called on in order. • Press Star6 to talk • Press Star6 after talking • (so we don't hear your background noise)

13. Cults Intensify Guilt by: • Regression • Outright lies • Trickery and deceit • Blaming, over and over again • Name calling -- bad, evil, etc. • Double binds

14. Categories of Guilt • Healthy guilt • Unhealthy guilt or false guilt

15. Some Types of Guilt • I did something against my values at the time • I did something against my present values • Guilt for actions taken or not taken that endangered others. • Survivor guilt • Guilt for "causing" it

16. More Types of Guilt • Prediction -- I did something that caused it • I didn't do enough at the time • I can never be good enough to make up for all the bad things I did

17. Qand A Period: 15 Minutes • Write your question or write ??? in the chat column • You will be called on in order. • Press Star 6 to talk • Press Star 6 after talking (so we don't hear your background noise)

18. Recognizing Guilt • Recognizing that I actually do feel guilty • Is this from the present or from the past? • Is this healthy, or unhealthy, false guilt?

19. Is This from the Present or the Past? • Guilt about a minor thing may raise all sorts of past guilt -- a feelings flashback • Sort out what part of the feeling belongs to past and what to present • Flashback worksheet is helpful here

20. Am I Getting any Benefits from Feeling Guilty? • Does it feel better to feel guilty or helpless? • Does taking on the guilt protect others (inside or outside)? • Does feeling guilty about this keep me from facing other issues? • Or other emotions? Like maybe anger or grief?

21. Handling Healthy Guilt • Acknowledge to yourself and/or others your role in the wrong-doing • Make amends non-destructively • Seek forgiveness (includes forgiving yourself) • Learn from the situation so you don’t repeat the same mistakes • Let go of the past and move on

22. Handling Unhealthy or False Guilt • Slow process, no short cuts • Correct distortions • Assign responsibility where it belongs • Inner parenting • Get angry, grieve

23. We have Covered • Why appropriate guilt is good • How healthy guilt develops • How normal parents induce unhealthy guilt • How cults magnify unhealthy guilt • Some suggestions on handling guilt

24. We will Send You: • References • Information on accessing the recording, slides, and chat on our website • An evaluation form

25. References • Guilt Following Traumatic Events. Kathleen Nader (article) • Survivor Guilt: A Self-Help Guide. Aphrodite Matsakis (book) • I Can't Get Over It: A Handbook for Trauma survivors. Aphrodite Matsakis (book) • An article on OCD

26. Coming Webinars • “Understanding Nazi Influence in Ritual Abuse” Alik of the OwlClan January 9 • Topic to be Announced Mike Skinner February 6 • “Art and Activism: What the Public Sees” Lynn Schirmer March 13