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Winning with People. Dr. John C. Maxwell. Critical Questions – People Principles. Are we prepared for relationships? Are we willing to focus on others? Can we build mutual trust? Are we willing to invest in others? Can we create a win-win relationship?. The Readiness Question.
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Winning with People Dr. John C. Maxwell
Critical Questions – People Principles • Are we prepared for relationships? • Are we willing to focus on others? • Can we build mutual trust? • Are we willing to invest in others? • Can we create a win-win relationship?
The Readiness Question Are we prepared for relationships?
People Principles • The Lens Principle • The Mirror Principle • The Pain Principle • The Hammer Principle • The Elevator Principle
The Lens Principle Who we are determines how we see others
Who You Are Determines… • What you see • How you see others • How you view life • What you do
Determining Who You Are • Genetics • Self-image • Experiences in life • Attitude & choices about those experiences • Friends
The Mirror Principle The first person we must examine is ourselves
The Mirror Test • Self-awareness • Self-image • Self-honesty • Self-improvement • Self-responsibility
The Pain Principle Hurting people hurt people and are easily hurt by them
Truths in Dealing with Others • There are many hurting people • Those hurting people often hurt people • Those hurting people are often hurt by people • Those hurting people often hurt themselves
Dealing with Hurting People • Don’t take it personally • Look beyond the person for the problem • Look beyond the situation • Do not add to their hurt • Help them find help
The Hammer Principle Never use a hammer to swat a fly off someone’s hand
Tempering Your Behavior • Total picture • Timing • Tone • Temperature
Developing a Softer Touch • Let the past stay in the past • Ask yourself, Is my reaction part of the problem? • Remember that actions are remembered long after words are forgotten
Developing a Softer Touch • Never let the situation mean more than the relationship • Treat loved ones with unconditional love • Admit wrongs and ask forgiveness
The Elevator Principle We can lift people up or take people down in our relationships
Four Kinds of People • Some people add something to life – We enjoy them • Some people subtract something from life – We tolerate them • Some people multiply something in life – We value them • Some people divide something in life – We avoid them
Being a Positive Influence • Commit to daily encouragement • Know the little difference that separates hurting & helping • Initiate the positive in a negative environment • Understand life is not dress rehearsal
The Connection Question Are we willing to focus on others?
People Principles • Big Picture Principle • Exchange Principle • Learning Principle • Charisma Principle • Number 10 Principle • Confrontation Principle
The Big Picture Principle The entire population of the world – with one minor exception – is composed of others
Breaking the Selfish Pattern • Perspective • Maturity • Responsibility
Improving Your Ability to See • Get out of your “Own Little World” • Check your ego at the door • Understand what brings fulfillment
The Exchange Principle Instead of putting others in their place, we must put ourselves in their place
The Power of Perspective • We naturally do not see ourselves & others from the same perspective • When we fail to see things from the perspective of others, we fail in our relationships • Learning to see things from others’ perspectives help us succeed in our relationships
Making the Exchange • Leave “your place” & visit “their place” • Acknowledge that the other person has a valid viewpoint • Check your attitude • Ask others what they would do in your situation
The Learning Principle Each person we meet has the potential to teach us something
What’s Your Attitude? • No one can teach me anything – Arrogant • Someone can teach me everything – Naïve • Everyone can teach me something - Teachable
Learning from Others • Make learning your passion • Value people • Develop relationships with growth potential • Identify people’s uniqueness & strengths • Ask questions
The Charisma Principle People are interested in the person who is interested in them
Making People Like You • Become genuinely interested in other people • Smile • Remember that a person’s name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound
Making People Like You • Be a good listener – encourage others to talk about themselves • Talk in terms of the other person’s interests • Make the other person feel important, and do it sincerely
The Number Principle Believing the best in people usually brings the best out of people
Five Things About People • Everybody wants to be somebody • Nobody cares how much you know until he knows how much you care • Everybody needs somebody • Anybody that helps somebody influences lots of bodies • Somebody today will rise up and become somebody
A High Belief in People • Our disappointment in a few people should not stop us from believing in people • A trusting heart is emotionally healthy • We behave in light of our beliefs
A High Belief in People • A healthy marriage is built on high expectations • Expressing belief in people’s potential encourages them to reach their potential
The Confrontation Principle Caring for people should precede confronting people
What We Know About Relationships • Conflict is unavoidable • Confrontation is difficult • How we handle conflict determines our success in tough situations
Road Map for Healthy Confrontation • Confront a person only if you care for that person • Meet together ASAP • First seek understanding, not necessarily agreement
Road Map for Healthy Confrontation • Outline the issue • Encourage a response • Agree to an action plan
The Trust Question Can we build mutual trust?
People Principles • Bedrock principle • Situation principle • Bob principle • Approachability principle • Foxhole principle
The Bedrock Principle Trust is the foundation of any relationship
Trust & Relationships • Foundation of any relationship • Frame of any relationship • Height of any relationship
Build Your Trustworthiness • Trust begins with yourself • Trust cannot be compartmentalized • Trust works like a bank account
Rebuilding Trust with Others • Forgive them • Explain that the violation must never happen again • Remember their better moments
The Situation Principle Never let the situation mean more than the relationship
Keeping the Proper Perspective • Do I see the big picture – or just the bad picture? • Do I communicate the big picture along with the bad one? • Is this a one-time situation or an oft-repeated one?
Keeping the Proper Perspective • Do I make too many situations a life-or-death issue? • Do I show my unconditional love during difficult situations?