Teen Parent Relationship Boundaries - Genzandu

1. Dealing with new boundaries in teen/parent relationships Parenting a teenager is one of the most confusing human dynamics we will face in our lifetime. The child we birthed and raised, is now no longer a child but a budding adult and has autonomy of their own. However, they are also not fully independent. Their brains are not totally developed. They’re still young, impulsive, and hormonal. It’s a fine line striking the balance between keeping baby birds corralled to the nest, and pushing them out a bit too quickly.

2. It’s a challenging time for your teen themselves; their bodies and minds are changing rapidly. They’re discovering new freedoms on the daily, and venturing further and further into the world. They may be actively preparing for the future, acquiring new worldviews, exploring careers, and learning how to be an adult. They are also constantly navigating difficult social dynamics, and shifting expectations. If your child is Gen Z, there is a political and financial crisis as well as a world that is consistently experiencing some kind of conflict. And among all this, they are trying to navigate boundaries with their parents – finding a place between healthy independence, and safe reliance on authority and parental figures. Your teen may set new boundaries as the relationship evolves – the bedroom door may be closed and you may be asked to knock before you enter now when it was previously always open. They may be more private with what they share about their friends or school or maybe less free with their emotional expression. As a parent, this can be challenging. They’re your child, your baby, why aren’t they sharing with you? I urge you to take a step back and look at things from your teen’s point of view. Your teen is trying to set some healthy boundaries – they are no longer at the point in their lives where their parents curate everything or have deep involvement in all aspects of their lives. Privacy and autonomy are becoming more important to them. To them, their parents wanting to know every little detail about their lives may not feel caring; it may feel invasive. It’s understandable that you may be hurt by these changes – it can be difficult to watch someone you used to have free exploration with, tighten their reigns. But I can assure you, this is a healthy thing. Many of you ask, what if the boundaries my teen sets are unhealthy? What if they tell me nothing about their lives at all, or I can sense something is wrong? This is where I encourage a few different steps. First, make it known to your child that they can come to you at any time with any topic, and you will not punish them. If they fear retaliation for discussing something with you, they never will! It will stay hidden, and you’ll never hear about anything. You are welcome to open a conversation with your teenager, and express your concern – but be careful in

3. expressing your concern that you do not pry, and you do not assume you know what is going on. That may cause them to shut down again. If all else fails, consider professional intervention. There is no shame in utilizing therapy or other mental health resources to help you and your teen navigate this period together –it’s a challenging phase of life, and needing outside help does not mean you have failed; it simply means working through it alone wasn’t the right solution. It is helpful to set some boundaries with your teen during this period as well – for example, one night a week there is a no-phone session, where you and your family sit down for dinner without devices. Maybe, one night a week is date night for you and your spouse, and you ask your teen to respect that time. You could even begin closing your bedroom door, and asking your teen to knock before they walk in! It’s important to know that although not adults yet, they have a much better understanding of the world than we think. Talking to them in adult language and treating them as though they are an adult who can understand these complex dynamics instills confidence in them and reminds them that we have their backs; we are not trying to infantilize them, but rather empower them to explore this changing dynamic with us. Book a free session with Dr. Unnatti Jain, Call at +1(202) 615-7739 or, visit: www.genzandu.com