Non-violent Communication

1. Non-violent Communication Key: AWL to Study, Low-frequency Vocabulary Describe what you think violent communication might sound like.

2. Non-violent Communication • Fosterscompassion and understanding • Based on the premisethat all humans are inherently goodand possess the same universal needs • physical well-being, interpersonal connection, and personal autonomy of all people. Do you agree that all humans are inherently good and possess the same needs? Explain.

3. Conflict • Conflict is always the result of an unmet need. • When parties acknowledge each other’s needs, disagreements can be dealt with in an effective manner. Do you agree that conflict is the result of an unmet need?

4. Origins • Marshall Rosenberg • creator of the NVC technique • commissioned as peace-keeping negotiator among nations • conflict resolution specialist in business • Rosenberg claims we are raised on a language of violence. • we label, criticize, and judge Why do you think people label, criticize, and judge others? Explain.

5. Violent Communication • An outdated use of language: • historical remnant of hierarchical control-based societies, where ruling class dispensed moral education and external justice • Individuals have come to feel it is their right to label and judge. • They do not reflect on the internal mechanisms that are causing them distress. Have you ever judged another person? Do you feel that other people judge you unfairly?

6. NVC: Four-part Strategy • Part one: Identify bothersome behaviors • State behaviors in an unbiased and factual manner. • Say, “The last three times we have made plans, you arrived more than forty-five minutes late.” • Don’t say, “How dare you always make me sit and wait for hours on end?” • notwithstanding truth, implicationescalates hostility Why do you think that stating behaviors in an unbiased way is a good idea?

7. Part Two • Express feelings elicited by troublesome behavior. • own your feelings • Do not attribute your emotional state to an outside source: • Don’t say, “You make me angry…” • flawed logic because a person’s behavior can be the stimulus but not the cause of your emotions • Say, “I feel angry…” Have you ever said, “You make me angry”? Do you agree that this use of language is flawed logic?

8. Part Three • An unmet personal need results in anger. • Unmet need with unpunctual friend: • the proper consideration of one’s time • Say, “I’m feeling angry because I need you to acknowledge that my time is just as valuable as yours.” • Important for the listener to provide an empathetic response. • keeps channels of communication open • sets the stage for the resolution of conflict Do you find it easy or difficult to state your needs?

9. Part Four • Make a request • once feelings and needs have been clarified. • differentiated from a demand, because the receiver has the right of refusal • Say, “I am asking that you make an effort to arrive on time or call to let me know you will be late.” How would you react if a person refused to comply with your request? Explain.

10. Autonomy • Freedom to act autonomously • No one has the right to coerce another person into doing something against his or her will. Do you have autonomy in your life? Explain.