CONQUERING THE POWER OF A NEGATIVE SPEECH

1. CONQUERING THE POWER OF A NEGATIVE SPEECH

3. “The tongue can no man tame”Greek Philosopher provided the best dish of tongue.“It is the best of all dishes, because with it we may bless and communicate happiness, dispel sorrow, remove despair, cheer the fainthearted, inspire the discouraged, and say a hundred other things to uplift mankind.”

4. “The tongue can no man tame”Greek Philosopher provided the worst dish of tongue.“It is the worst, because with it we may curse and break human hearts; destroy reputations; promote discord and strife; set families, communities and nations at war with each other.”

5. I. AVOID THE TRAP OF NEGATIVE CONVERSATION 5 traps Satan uses

6. A. TRAP #1: TAKE MY SIDE WITHOUT HEARING BOTH SIDES • Esther 3:8, 9 • Haman was angry with a Jew named Mordecai, • who would not bow down to any one but God. • Haman paints a hateful and dishonest and distorted picture of all Jews to the Persian King Xerxes as a plot to annihilate the Jews. • The King was promised a great sum of money to adopt Haman’s plan without considering the other side of the story.

7. B. TRAP #2: “IT’S NOT JUST ME-OTHERS ARE CRITICAL OF YOU, TOO.” • Nehemiah 6:6, 7 • Nehemiah’s enemies tried repeatedly to keep • him from rebuilding the wall around Jerusalem. • Insecure people often feel threatened by legitimate and worthwhile changes, and in order to get their way will resort to selfish or subtle means to destroy the true work of God. • We hear complaint statements like… • “I am not the only one that feels this way.” • “There are others who are saying the same thing.” • “There are a lot of people who are feeling the same way.”

8. C. TRAP #3: “PLEASE TALK OPENLY TO ME NOW SO I CAN SECRETLY TWIST YOUR WORDS LATER.” • Luke 20:19, 20 • Jesus never sinned in His communication, • yet His critics tried to twist His words. • Be cautious of how much information you • reveal to someone with an axe to grind. • This is Satan’s trap to get you to destroy another person, and destroy your own spiritual perspective. • Once you lose the right perspective you will no longer be able to make the right spiritual decisions.

9. D. TRAP #4: “IF YOU TAKE MY SIDE THERE WILL BE SOMETHING IN IT FOR YOU.” • “Then the devil led Jesus to the top of a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and all the splendor. The devil said, ‘If you will bow down and worship me, I will give you all these things.’ Jesus said to the devil, ‘God away from me, Satan! It is written, You must worship the Lord your God and serve only Him.’” • Matthew 4:8, 9 • Satan does not win us over with things that look bad. He give us a sense of what is right and good, in order to trap us into a false image of God.

10. E. TRAP #5: “LET ME EMBELLISH AND EXAGGERATE MY STORY TO PROVE MY HOPELESS OUTLOOK.” • Numbers 13:32, 33 • Why believe the exaggerations of negative thinking people when we have the promises of God? • OPIE AND HOWIE PUTTING OUT THEIR OWN NEWSPAPER, THE MAYBERRY SUN • The positive comment never made it to the press. • Satan does not want the church to • hear the truth of the matter.

11. II. IDENTIFY IMPROPER SPEECH PATTERNS

12. A. IDENTIFY THE BACKBITER, ONE WHO SPEAKS AGAINST AN ABSENT INDIVIDUAL • “Lord, who may abide in Your tabernacle? Who may dwell in your holy hill? He who walks uprightly, and works righteousness, and speaks the truth in his heart; he who does not backbite with his tongue, nor does evil to his neighbor, nor does he take up a reproach against his friend.” • Psalms 15:1-3 (NKJV) • When we are tempted to say negative things about others behind their back we should remember that our fellowship with God is hindered and our effectiveness at being truly spiritual is diminished.

13. B. INDENTIFY THE BUSYBODY, ONE WHO SEEKS OUT NEGATIVE INFORMATION AND SPREADS IT • “But let none of you suffer as a murderer, a thief, an evildoer, or as a busybody in other people’s matters.” • I Peter 4:15 (NKJV) • We kill and steal the reputation and good name of others when we spread negative information about them. • “And besides they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house, and not only idle but also gossips and busybodies, saying things which they ought not.” • I Timothy 5:13 (NKJV) • “For we hear that there are some who walk among you in a disorderly manner, not working at all, but are busybodies.” II Thessalonians 3:11

14. C. IDENTIFY THE COMPLAINER, ONE WHO FINDS FAULT • “Now when the people complained, it displeased the Lord; for the Lord heard it, and His anger was aroused.” • Numbers 11:1a (NKJV) • Complaining insinuates that God is not doing His job. • God may be testing us, or we may be accentuating the negative when we should be focusing on the positive. • “Do all things without complaining and disputing.” • Philippians 2:14 (NKJV)

15. SIX KINDS OF TOXIC PEOPLECheryl Robinson • BLAMERS – Always complaining about what is wrong and blaming others • DRAINERS – Vampires who suck everything out of you, because they want something from you. Everything evolves around them • SHAMERS - Cut you off, put you down, criticize you • DISCOUNTERS – Challenge everything you say, and they have to be right, or find fault with your position • GOSSIPS – talk about others behind their back to avoid talking to them • DEMONIZERS – demonize those they disagree with

16. D. IDENTIFY THE SLANDERER, ONE WHO TRIES TO INJURE SOMEONE ELSE’S REPUTATION BY INFLAMMATORY SPEECH • “Whoever secretly slanders his • neighbor, Him I will destroy.” • Psalms 101:5a (NKJV) • “You know you shouldn’t repeat stories about others.” That makes you a gossip!” • “I am not a gossip!” “I am a news analyst.”

17. E. IDENTIFY THE GOSSIP, A PERSON WHO SPREADS NEGATIVE INFORMATION, ESPECIALLY BY EXAGGERATION • “Gossip is hearing something you • like about someone you don’t.” • “Being filled with an unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents…” • Romans 1: 29, 30 (NASB) • Gossip is found in the listing of the sins which characterize man’s downward spiral of sinful rebellion away from God.

18. “Be not deceived, evil communications corrupt good manners.”I Corinthians 15:33 Don’t fill your mind with the garbage of gossip or you will constantly struggle with peace of mind.

19. III. TALK BY FAITH

20. A. SPEAK SOFTLY AND DON’T CARRY A BIG EGO • “A gentle answer will calm a person’s anger, but an unkind answer will cause more anger.” • Proverbs 15:1 (NCV) • We become more effective at positive conversation if we will maturely swallow our pride and respond with a kind and calm answer. • Angry people may be behaving drastically because they have a hurt that we can help to heal.

21. B. SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD • “Be gracious in your speech. The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down, not cut them out.” • Colossians 4:6 (Msg) • THE PRINCIPLE • Instead of bringing out the best in others our conversation aim is often to draw attention to ourselves or our point of view.

22. Steven CoveyFive Levels of Listening Ignoring Pretending to listen Selective listening Attentive listening Empathetic listening Our goal is to aim at listening on the highest level, trying to identify with others as they seek to communicate their feelings and opinions.

23. C. SWEAR OFF PROFANITY • “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” • Ephesians 4: 29 (NLT) • Our goal should be to speak in ways that influence others to aspire to purity and positive and uplifting lifestyles. • The more we hear something the more we get use to it and it does not bother us anymore. • Our conscience becomes desensitized to it.

24. D. APPLY THE BRAKES TO YOUR BABBLE • “I promise you that on the Day of Judgment, everyone will have to account for every careless word they have spoken.” • Matthew 12: 36 (CEV) • “My dear friends, you should be quick to listen and slow to speak or to get angry.” • James 1: 19 (CEV) • We must practice walking with Jesus whose words were carefully chosen and masterfully spoken.

25. IV. USE POWERFUL POSITIVE SPEECH HABITS

26. A. ADMITTING WHEN YOU HAVE DONE WRONG SO RELATIONSHIPS CAN BE RESTORED • “Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.” • James 5: 16 (NIV) • When we have sinned against others and it has negatively impacted our inner peace, and in some cases our health, we should practice admitting our sin to those we have hurt and asking for their forgiveness so that healing may take place. • When confession goes unspoken closeness is sacrificed. Even our prayer life is affected.

27. B. TALKING ABOUT GOD IN POSITIVE PRAISE EVERYDAY • “And my tongue will tell about how right and good You are, and about Your praise all day long.” • Psalms 35:28 (NLV) • When we please God we are able to draw nearer to Him and receive His blessings. • Thinking about God’s attributes helps us counteract the doubt and temptation around us. • “The mouth of the man who is right with God speaks wisdom. And his tongue speaks what is fair and right.” • Psalms 37: 30 (NLV)

28. C. HEALING OTHERS BY THE THINGS I SAY • “There is one whose foolish words cut like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” • Proverbs 12: 18 (NLV) • After we have dealt with the things making us bitter and angry, we need to develop the habit of saying things that are intended to heal hurting hearers. • If more Christ followers developed the habit of using wise healing words, others would not need to turn to others sources for healing.

29. THE AUTHORITY OF THE BELIEVER The moment we do not speak words that affirm God’s truth, words that are a lie, or a false accusation we have lost our authority to be delivered, healed, and restored.