The Power of Speech

1. The Power of Speech

2. Session Aims • The Power of speech workshop generally focuses on three areas • The Psychology of speaking • The speech process • Speaking techniques This session will take a look at the psychology of Speaking.

3. Session Assumption • We have the ability to speak and communicate extremely well - its why they don’t that is the question • When we don’t communicate well we tend to blame others for this

4. What do we mean by the Power of Speech • The power to project • The power to vary pitch and tone • The power to structure • The power to flow • The power to pause, watch and listen

5. Difference between Speech and Communication • Although we focus on the power of speech, we essentially mean the Power of Communication as we believe that to speak effectively you need to have the required response which involves a two way process (Communication).

6. How well do you communicate • On a scale of 1 – 10 (1 poor – 10 perfect), how well do you speak / communicate • Generally

7. COMPETENCE • Unconscious Incompetence • Conscious Incompetence • Conscious Competence • Unconscious Competence

8. The Ladder of Inference I TAKE ACTIONS I ADOPT BELIEFS I DRAW CONCLUSIONS I MAKE ASSUMPTIONS I ADD MEANINGS I SELECT DATA I OBSERVE DATA

9. Constant Communication • We need to consider how well we speak / communicate at all times, not just key times as skill / success builds

10. How Well Do You Communicate Exercise When do you speak well? 1 2 3 4 5 When do you not speak well? 1 2 3 4 5

11. TRANSACTIONALANALYSIS YOUR OK WIN / WIN WIN / LOSE I’M NOT OK I’M OK LOSE / LOSE WIN / LOSE YOUR NOT OK

12. EGO STATES CHILD TAPE PARENT TAPE ADULT TAPE

13. “JOHARI WINDOW”

15. INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS

16. Interpersonal Skills are behaviours, used face to face, that succeed in helping progress towards a useful outcome.

17. Relative Importance of Communication Elements Relative Importance of Communication Elements Many surveys of of Human Communication have shown that the following distribution of the elements is needed to transmit a message Words 7% Body Language Tone of Voice 38% 55%

18. Seek Ideas Build Support Seek Clarification/ Information Give Ideas Disagree State Difficulty Give Clarification/ Explanation/ Information Verbal behaviour

19. Body Language • Facial Expression • Gesture \Gesticulation • Posture/Stance • Appearance • Spatial Awareness

20. TRANSACTIONALANALYSIS

21. EGO STATES CHILD TAPE PARENT TAPE ADULT TAPE

22. Ego State Characteristics

23. P P P P A A A A C C C C

24. Fundamental Interpersonal Skills • Analyse the situation • Establish a realistic objective • Select appropriate ways of behaving • Control behaviour • Shape others behaviour • Monitoring own and others behaviour.

25. STROKING • POSITIVE • NEGATIVE • PLASTIC / CROOKED • ZERO

26. Contact & Core Communication • Able to initiate conversations with anybody • Enjoys meeting people • Remembers personal details about people • Matches and Mirrors verbal and non verbal behaviours • Is self confident • Is highly observant

27. Applies two ears and one mouth strategy Uses positive visual and verbal signals to demonstrate listening Ask Questions Allows others to complete sentences Open Questions Closed Questions Reflective Questions Directive Questions Focusing Questions Calming Questions Silent Questions Listening & Questioning

28. Supporting • Provides bigger picture information • Always explains why • Allows others to say what they feel without judgement

29. Directing • Is clear and concise • Tends to speak slowly • Has a good grip of language • Gives good directions • Can be dominant in conversation

30. Confronting & Challenging • Always asks WHY • Never takes things at face value • Has good questioning ability • Believes strongly in self development

31. STROKING • Positive • Negative • Plastic / Crooked • Zero

32. NO INFLUENCE INFLUENCE CONTROL Circles of Influence

33. THE LEFT HAND COLUMN WHAT YOU WERE THINKING WHAT WAS SAID Oh no, you’re the last person in the world i wanted to see right now. Please don’t start a conversation with me as I find you so boring I’ve got to get out of this before I end up hearing his/her normal moans and groans Oh, hello, its nice to see you. I’m very well thank-you and how are you. I’m sorry I can’t stop I’ve got an appointment that I’m late for.

34. GET ANYONE TO DO ANYTHING

35. People to like you • Familiarity breeds fondness not contempt • Talk to people when they are in a good mood – they associate that mood with you • Find common interests • Listen • If you respect or admire them let them know • Let people do favour for you • Match and mirror • Be confident – laugh at yourself • Compliment • Be positive – we are drawn to positive people.

36. People to find you attractive • Engage others when emotional arousal is high – gym, ride etc • Perception of youth – posture, walking style • Look into eyes • Others are more attractive when we are less confident • Let them know your attracted – ego boost

37. First Impressions • Make the initial moment the best – (Primacy Effect) – Ladder of Inference • Smile • Lay positive groundwork before meeting

38. Gain Advantage in relationship • People want what they can’t have – don’t be too visible • Introduce elements of uncertainty • Make others feel good

39. Selling Yourself 1. Price and availability are most dominant psychological factors

40. Appearing calm and controlled • Avoid sugars and refined carbohydrates – keep blood sugar levels down • Smile • Breathe Deeply • Yoga / Pilates

41. Is someone a friend? • Interest – Are they interested in your life? • Loyalty – Can you trust them – tell a secret about a mutual friend – see if it comes back • Pride – Are they proud of your successes? • Honesty – Are you told what you don’t necessarily want to hear? • Respect – Tell someone you have good news but can’t share it now – see their response – if they respect you they will wait • Sacrifice – will they give something up to make you happy?

42. Does their Story check out? • Make up a fact and ask them about it – they will hesitate and then probably lie

43. How to tell if someone is trying to manipulate you • Guilt – I’m hurt you don’t trust me • Intimidation – Whets the matter, can’t make a decision? • Appeal to ego – your smart you’ll be able to do it • Fear – This is your last chance at it • Curiosity – You only live once try it • Desire to be liked – no-one likes a quitter • Love – if you loved me your wouldn’t question me

44. How to tell if someone’s bluffing • Notice how a person tries to appear. A person who is bluffing will always overcompensate to create the illusion that he is 100 percent behind his convictions.

45. How to see through people • Ask a question that does not accuse the person of anything but rather alludes to it. Then simply gauge his response you’ll learn right away if their hiding anything. E.g. if you think their stealing supplies – tell him you know45 and ask them their advice on how to stop it –who has this problem and ask their or tell them you have a friend advice.

46. Get someone to say what they are thinking • Ask them whether they like the idea – if yes – ask them what they might do to improve it.

47. Get anyone to take immediate action 1. Limit options 2. Give a deadline • Makes people move becomes we are inherently • Make it rare – people will then want it 3. Law of inertia • Start with a small request that can easily be accomplished then move to the larger task you really wanted done. Once people are moving they will continue to do so. Charities ask for a penny then get the pound later as those who

48. Get anyone to take immediate action (continued) • 4. Expectation • People will do what you expect them to do – be confident say something and then use actions to back up words. E.g. say follow me and then start walking • 5. Processing information • When we like something we single task – large chunks – like cooking – go shopping, buy something nice – cook it yum • When we don’t like something we multi-task – don’t like cooking – go shopping, expensive queuing, car journey, parking, carrying bags etc • 6. Additional incentive • Always add something at the end – we can have ice cream, I’ll put the rubbish out etc.

49. Get anyone to take your advice • Get them to say what the commitment is • Get a specific time • Develop a sense of obligation – tell them you will cancel something to be with them • Engage their conscience – tell them the repercussions if it isn’t done • Have him tell you how it will be – make them see themselves doing it • End conversation with verbal confirmation – e.g. so I’ll see you on Saturday then. • Let them know you appreciate people who follow through on commitments and/or that he knows the true value of friendship.

50. Get anyone to follow through on a commitment to you • Ninety percent of our decisions made are based on emotion. We then use logic to justify our actions. You must arouse emotions in your attempts to persuade. • Offer a clear game plan with a specific clear cut course of action for proceeding • Add to this how they will prevent negative consequences if they listen to you • If true remind someone it was their idea and that the idea is consistent with who they are. • Don’t be seen as a know it all. • Remember that enthusiasm is contagious