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‘Tricky People’

‘Tricky People’. The ‘Continuum of Safety’. Feeling safe - safe place Fun to feel scared - roller coaster, bunji-jump, scary movie etc. Risking on purpose - may not be fun but we want the outcome Feeling unsafe - may not have ‘Choice, Control or Time-Limit’

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‘Tricky People’

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  1. ‘Tricky People’

  2. The ‘Continuum of Safety’ Feeling safe - safe place Fun to feel scared - roller coaster, bunji-jump, scary movie etc. Risking on purpose - may not be fun but we want the outcome Feeling unsafe - may not have ‘Choice, Control or Time-Limit’ Early Warning Signs - our body telling us we don’t feel safe

  3. Unwritten Rules The unwritten rules are social expectations and stereo-types that we encounter through our lives. Over time we may internalise them as part of our personal belief systems and they usually include the following characteristics: . External- family, religion, school, media etc. We can choose - whether to follow them Change over place and time - cultures, life styles, generations Can be helpful - can encourage socially acceptable behaviour Possible basis of discrimination - label people/groups Contradictory - can give confusing messages Often command language - Should, Ought, Must Underlying heterosexual assumptions - gender roles etc.

  4. No Longer ‘Stranger Danger’ • We need to STOP telling our children not to talk to strangers... BECAUSE they might need to talk to a stranger one day. • Instead, we need to teach them which sorts of strangers are safe...e.g. A mum with kids.

  5. ‘Tricky People’ • It is unlikely our children are going to be abused by a ‘weirdo’ at the park. • An ‘Offender’ is going to come up to our child and introduce himself. Voila! He isn’t a stranger anymore. • We need to teach our children about TRICKY PEOPLE, instead. • TRICKY PEOPLE are grown-ups who ASK KIDS FOR HELP (no adult needs to ask a kid for help) or TELLS KIDS TO KEEP A SECRET FROM THEIR PARENTS (including, IT’S OKAY TO COME OVER HERE BEHIND THIS TREE WITHOUT ASKING MUM FIRST. Not asking Mum is tantamount to KEEPING A SECRET.)

  6. 1. DO NOT DO ANYTHING, or GO ANYWHERE, with ANY ADULTS AT ALL, unless they can ask for your parent’s permission first. Safety Rules

  7. AT ALL?????????? • That’s because: • It’s far more likely our child is going to be abused by someone they have a relationship with, because most cases of abuse follow long periods of grooming — both of the child and his or her family. • Offenders groom us and our children to gauge whether or not we are paying attention to what they’re doing, and/or to lure us into dropping our guard. • Children who Offenders think are flying under their parents’ radars, or who seem a little insecure or disconnected from their parents, are the children who are most at risk.

  8. Safety Rules contd. 2. THE NEVER, NEVER RULE Never:Accept sweets or treats; enter someone’s home; go for a walk; or get into a car with someone UNLESS you haveyour parent’s permissionFIRST.

  9. Safety Rules contd. 3.FAMILY SAFETY RULE: Pay attention to your inner voice, especially that “uh-oh” feeling.

  10. ‘We all have the right to feel safe all of the time.’ ‘We all- PB’s universal equal opportunities statement have the right- not always able to exercise right to feel safe to feel safe- difference between feeling safe and being safe all of the time.’- all times, places, people and situations Others have the right to feel safe with us Rights and Responsibilities - Responsibility ‘to and for’ Safe place- visualisation - a personal concept of safety

  11. ‘There is nothing so awful, [or too little],that we can’t talk about it with someone we can trust’ There is nothing - absolutely no thing so awful- terrible dreadful, ghastly, disgusting, embarrassing etc. [or too little]- small, unimportant, insignificant, nothing etc. That we can’ttalk about it - relief, share, embarrass, relax etc. with someone we can trust- difference talk with/talk to someone

  12. SO...WE NEED TO BE... • Suspicious of gifts that adults in positions of authority give our kids. • Suspicious of people who tell our child he is so special they want to offer him more one-on-one time, or special outings. • Be wary of the adult relative who’s always out in the yard with the children and never with the grown-ups? • Vigilant and keep an eye on our children.

  13. Building a Personal Network Talk - what talking can do for us Qualities - the qualities of someone we might talk with How to know - finding out if someone has those qualities Who - a comprehensive list of possible network people How to contact - many different ways to contact network people Friend Network - 4 friends in addition to those we live with. Adult Network - 4 adults, in addition to adults we live with.

  14. The Seven PB’s Strategies Theme Reinforcement - visual, and verbal, role modeling One-Step-Removed - third person, puppets, stories, pictures Network Review - frequent, on the spot review (available people) Persistence - keep on telling till EWS subside. If return tell again Protective Interruption - potential/actual unsafe situation Risking on Purpose - do something because we want the outcome Language of Safety - quality, shared meaning, ownership, clarity

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