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Habit 5

Habit 5. Seek first to understand, Then to be understood. What is Habit 5? . Empathetic listening: Hearing everything a person is communicating before responding Communication is more than words. Watch body language; tone; & other non-verbal cues . Why is Habit 5 Important?.

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Habit 5

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  1. Habit 5 Seek first to understand, Then to be understood

  2. What is Habit 5? • Empathetic listening: Hearing everything a person is communicating before responding • Communication is more than words. Watch body language; tone; & other non-verbal cues

  3. Why is Habit 5 Important? • In order for people to trust you and be open to you, you need to do the same. • Analogy: What if you went to a doctor and they prescribed some medication without diagnosing your illness or hearing your complaints ?Would be sure that the meds would cure you? Would you trust or follow the doctors orders?

  4. Obstacles to Habit 5 • If you don’t listen carefully, you will not be able to truly understand someone • Typically we are too busy preparing a response, judging, or thinking about our own issues. This is known as the 5 poor listening styles

  5. 5 poor listening styles • Spacing Out • Pretend Listening • Selective Listening • Word Listening • Self-centered Listening

  6. Spacing out • Someone is talking to you, but you ignore him or her because your mind is elsewhere

  7. Pretend Listening • You’re not paying attention to the person talking, but you pretend you are. When you the person wants a response, you say “uh-huh, cool, yeah, hmm”

  8. Selective Listening You pay attention only to the part of the conversation that interest you or relates to you. You key in on specific words and then go off on your own conversation rather than listening to what the other person is trying to tell you

  9. Word Listening You pay attention to the words but you miss the point because you’re ignoring the tone, feelings, and body language. When you focus only on words, you miss the deeper meaning

  10. Self-centered listening • You apply everything you hear to your own point of view. You say “Oh I know just what you mean? “ Well you don’t know exactly how he or she feels when you haven’t listened long enough to show you even care

  11. Skills for Habit 5 • To do empathetic listening, • Listen with your eyes, heart, and ears • Stand in the other’s shoes • Mirror (use your own words to reflect the other person’s feelings)

  12. Skills for Habit 5 • Caveat: Make sure you use these skills when appropriate. You can discern if it is appropriate by thinking in the other’s person’s paradigm. If you use them when inappropriate, people may think you are weird or insincere.

  13. Practice • Read the following scenarios and then answer: • Was this an example of genuine listening or poor listening? Why? • If poor listening was demonstrated, how could the scenario be changed to show genuine listening?

  14. Scenario 1 Ellie sat in her chair, head hanging down. Marie looked up from her book and said, “Tough day?” Ellie: “Something like that.” Marie: “Want to talk?” Ellie: “No.” Marie: “Ok.” Marie continues to read. Ellie: quiet at first, sighs a few times, then “Boys are stupid you know?” Marie: “Yah they are.” Marie CLOSES her book Ellie: “I don’t know why I even bother with them. Guess what Rick told me the other day?” Marie: “What?”

  15. Scenario 2 Kim: (answers phone) “Hello?” Anna: “Hey, I got to talk to you.” Kim: “What’s up?” Anna: “Remember that cute blue dress we saw at the mall- the spaghetti strap with a low back?” Kim: “I think so. Was it the one I where I tried on that cute pink thing? I should’ve bought it. Mike would’ve gone crazy when he saw me in it. You want to go to the mall?” Anna: “Uh not right now. So anyway the blue dress was on sale the other day…” Kim: (excited) “On sale. Let’s go to the mall then, maybe the pink thing is on sale too. Anna: “I can’t go today. I have dance class” Kim: “You can skip it. You want the dress right? You’re going to regret it if we don’t go, plus you look so good in it.” Anna: I’m glad you think so because…(interrupted by Kim’s call waiting) Kim: “Hold on a sec. I have another call” Anna: “I just want to say my mom bought it for me as a surprise.” (And then she hangs up)

  16. Scenario 3 Christian is lost in the hallway in a new school and is looking for his class. • John: “Hey man. Are you lost or just ditching?” • Mike: “Lost unfortunately. This school is bigger than my old one.” • John: “So what you’re saying is that this school is a big school and you feel lost in it.” • Mike: “It is a big school and I literally am lost. Do you know where room 108 is?” • John: “You feel confused and alone.” • Mike: “You’re making me confused by trying to analyze my feelings. I’m supposed to be in room 108 for Core Leadership and I don’t know where it is. So if you know where it is, I’d appreciate your help. If not, I’ll just find it on my own” • John: “I can see that you’re frustrated” • Mike: “Ugh!”

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