Shame What is it?

1. ShameWhat is it? Match the pictures to the labels as best you can. What is shame, in general? Which definition best sums up the others? Losing your dignity in front of others The guilt of hurting someone Found out for being a worse person • Losing your • self-respect

2. Mark the situations that you would find shameful. Order them to find what the 3 most shameful are. Explain what the most shameful situations are for you. Explain in your own words what shame is for you. **What is the difference between shame and guilt? • Looking different, including dressing wrong or strangely. • Being personally rejected as a friend or from a group for your personality or style. • Failing at something • Showing up your true feelings to someone who doesn’t care • Being tricked or used by someone to do something • Being criticised or told off in public • After lying, stealing, or hurting someone • Not controlling a bodily function eg being caught farting/ picking your nose/ wetting yourself • Knowing that you have a bad habit you try to hide • Being seen naked by someone you don’t mean to • Being betrayed by someone you love • Not being brave enough to do something others want you to do • Not being independent eg relying on someone else to do things for you

3. 1. In Genesis, “Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” They knew they had given themselves completely to each other and could trust each other. They were confident in being naked in front of each other, because they lived in love – in God’s presence, and knew only goodness. Why did Adam & Eve feel no shame in the beginning? Explain what changed after they fell away from God. How can shame be a good thing? **Do you think the insights in this story are true? Does it tell us something useful about what shame is and how to avoid it? No Shame 2. When they disobeyed God and fell away from God, (symbolised by eating the fruit of the forbidden tree) “their eyes were opened, and they saw that they were naked”. They realised that their love could be selfish - they could use each other for their own pleasure, not in a self-giving and loving way. This awareness made them vulnerable before each other - afraid of being looked at in this way. 3. Shame is actually a good thing – it protects our dignity, from abuse by others – without love. If you have no shame, you have no dignity or self-respect to lose. But people who have given themselves to each other in true love, have no shame, because they have no fear of being hurt.

4. Recap.. • Shame is… • Naked people feel shame because.. • Shame is a good thing because…

5. Sometimes shameis NOT a good, protective feeling that comes from us - but from other people making us feel we are worthless. Which of these have you heard before? • "You'll never amount to anything!“ • "You are worthless!“ • "I wish you were never born!“ • "What would _____ think of you if they knew...?“ • "You look ridiculous!“ • "Don't you have any self-respect?“ • And it comes from being threatened "I can and will treat you any way I want to... You are a worthless weakling at my disposal!" With your partner, come up with or positive statements starting with “I am...” to build up someone who is being made to feel shame in this way.

6. What sort of person would say this? Why?