Identifying Family Roles

1. Identifying Family Roles Family Rules and Chemical Dependency

3. Identifying Family Roles Dependent person --This is the alcoholic or addict (or someone with another compulsive behavior).

4. Identifying Family Roles Chief enabler --Often the spouse or partner of the dependent person. this person�s role in the family is taking care of the dependent person, cleaning up after him or her, covering up for him or her, and so on, thereby sheltering the dependent person from the consequences of his or her actions. This person is often controlling, full of self-pity and resentment, and burned out.

5. Identifying Family Roles Family hero --the one who helps the family look good and healthy to the outside world. Often the oldest child; this person makes the family proud; is a super-achiever; his or her role is to be the one nobody has to worry about. This person also tends to take care of the rest and may share common traits with the chief enabler. However, this child often feels inadequate and angry and strives for perfection to feel adequate.

6. Identifying Family Roles Scapegoat --This child's role is to be the lightning rod, the one who lets everyone else off the hook of responsibility for the family's problems, and to distract attention from the dependent person's actions. Often a middle child; this is the person who is always in trouble and may be blamed for the dependent person's using or drinking ("Having a kid like you would make anyone drink).

7. Identifying Family Roles Lost child --this person has developed the survival tactic of avoiding trouble by being invisible, either not being around or fading into the background when trouble erupts. Often another middle or younger child; his or her role is to be the one who never asks anyone for anything.

8. Identifying Family Roles Mascot --this is the person who is always clowning around and distracting people from the family problems. Often the youngest child, he or she seems never to be serious about anything, and this person's role in the family is to prevent big scenes and keep people from getting too upset by making them laugh whenever the atmosphere starts to get too tense.

9. Identifying Interaction Patterns The following is a description of some unhealthy ways the members of a chemically dependent or dysfunctional family relate to one another.

10. Identifying Interaction Patterns 1. Dishonesty --refusing to admit how bad the problem is, covering up, avoiding confronting problems until too angry to keep silent. Blaming others for problems in the family that are clearly the result of substance- abusing behavior

11. Identifying Interaction Patterns 2. Breaking promises --not following through on commitments to children or spouse

12. Identifying Interaction Patterns 3. Isolating --keeping secrets from "outsiders." Not allowing visitors or friends to visit so there is no speculation that something is wrong in the family. Instilling the "no talk rule ", sometimes withdrawing from other family members who may serve as support for the children but are merely nuisances for the adults as they may comment on the substance-abusing behavior.

13. Identifying Interaction Patterns 4. Emotional and physical abuse and neglect --parents hitting children and each other, yelling, calling names, bullying, belittling, leaving kids alone and un-fed, ignoring school problems, ignoring medical needs of children.

14. Identifying Interaction Patterns 5. Parentiftying children --forcing older children to function as parents and caretakers to younger siblings and possibly to parents when hung-over, high, drunk, or absent.

15. Identifying Interaction Patterns 6. Influencing children to be self-destructive --pressuring children to drink or use other substances with the parents, role-modeling drunk driving. Avoiding addressing problems with children (e.g., shoplifting, and truancy), allowing siblings to abuse one another.

16. Family Rules and Chemical Dependency Rules are created in family systems to keep the family in balance.

17. Family Rules and Dependency Roles are adapted to cope with ongoing dysfunction in the family, rules are developed to protect and isolate family members from one another -- to prevent family members from sharing their thoughts and feelings with one another and to keep distance.

18. Family Rules and Dependency Following is a list of rules that often exist in families where substance abuse occurs: ? It's not okay to talk about problems. ? Do as I say, not as I do. ? Don't make waves.

19. Family Rules and Dependency ? It's not okay to talk or express any feelings openly. ? You can't trust anyone. ? Always be strong, good; perfect.

20. Family Rules and Dependency ? Don't communicate in relationships directly. ? Others' needs are more important than my own. ? It's not okay to be a child; to play.

21. Family Roles and Rules People often take on different roles at different times. Which role(s) best fits your own behavior in childhood?

22. Family Roles and Rules What would a child in each of the roles be like as an adult if he or she stayed in those roles? What strengths and problems might he or she have? It is important to realize the strengths as well as the problems that adult children tend to have as a result of growing up in an alcoholic or drug-dependent home.

23. Family Roles and Rules How would you expect each of these children to behave with their own children when they are adults. What are your thoughts and feelings about the possibility that you might be that way with your own children.

24. Family Roles and Rules How it would feel to look in the mirror and see your father or mother. How many group members want to spare their children from experiences like their own?

25. Family Roles and Rules How it would feel to look in the mirror and see your father or mother. How many group members want to spare their children from experiences like their own? How well could you keep that promise.