Communication

1. Communication Last time, we looked at “pushing” and “pulling” in relation to your own communication skills. Today. I’d like to delve a little deeper into this. Let’s start by asking - Why might just “being yourself” not be enough when you are trying to communicate with others? Wyn Owen – Adain 2003

2. OK – so there are a number of reasons why you might have to be aware of your communication style, and know when to use different parts of your communication skills. One of these is the fact that you are always dealing with real people – and all people are different! Going back to the “meeting” scenario – please write down one-word descriptions of the types of people you might have attending a meeting: Wyn Owen – Adain 2003

3. Why are people sometimes seen to be “difficult”? Wyn Owen – Adain 2003

4. There are certain points to remember when communicating with “difficult” people: • They are difficult because of the attitude or approach they adopt in their dealings with you. It’s not that they are difficult with you – they’re probably difficult with everyone. • As a result of 1 – DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY! • The art is to be able to recognise their “difficultness” and use the correct approach to counter-act it rather than to try and change them. • If you “get one over on them” – everyone loses. But if you get to a satisfactory conclusion for everyone – then everyone wins. At all times – go for the “win-win”. Wyn Owen – Adain 2003

5. I’d like to suggest 6 different ways of categorising people for which you might have to make a conscious effort to change your approach: • Mr or Mrs “Shouter”(or Angry) - we looked at him/her last time • Mr or Mrs “Talkative” • Mr or Mrs “Rude” • Mr or Mrs “Inquisitive” • Mr or Miss “Shy” • Mr or Mrs “Well-balanced” (That’s all of us of course!) We’ll now go on to look at these individually, and consider how to recognise them and how best to deal with them. Wyn Owen – Adain 2003

6. Mr Shouter How do you recognise this person? How should you handle him or her for a “win-win”? Wyn Owen – Adain 2003

7. Dealing with Mr or Mrs “Shouter” • Avoid the temptation to shout or argue back – this will only “fan the flames” • Our natural tendency might be to “grovel” to Mr Shouter, trying to win them over by being overly nice. • The way to gain the “win-win” will be: • Stay cool & calm and apologise for any specific inconvenience if it is your fault – and take immediate action to put it right – TELL THEM WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND WHY • Remember to PULL – ask questions! Wyn Owen – Adain 2003

8. How do you recognise this person? Mr Talkative How should you handle him or her for a “win-win”? Wyn Owen – Adain 2003

9. Dealing with Mr or Mrs “Talkative” • What would be the effect of trying to “bully” this person to shut up? • The way to gain the “win-win” will be: • Use your best listening skills to spot gaps in his or her conversation flow – and “go for that gap” • Ask a question in that gap – and what type of question will ensure that they cannot rabbit on? Wyn Owen – Adain 2003

10. How do you recognise this person? Mr Rude How should you handle him or her for a “win-win”? Wyn Owen – Adain 2003

11. Dealing with Mr or Miss “Rude” • Remember – Mr. Rude is rude with everyone – and their goal in life is to get people riled. If they manage to wind you up – then they feel that they have won – and it’s a “win-lose” for them. • Most important – DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY • Admit defeat in so far as you cannot stop them being rude (“give me the child until he is 7 and I will give you the man” – so trying to change them in a 1hr meeting will be impossible) • The way to gain the “win-win” will be: • Ignore the rudeness, stay calm and avoid getting riled. • Keep to a calm & steady tone – avoid being sarcastic in tone & manner • This will lead to them thinking they’ve got a “win” –and you knowing that you’ve got a “win” by handling them correctly – a “win-win” situation. Wyn Owen – Adain 2003

12. How do you recognise this person? Mr Inquisitive How should you handle him or her for a “win-win”? Wyn Owen – Adain 2003

13. Dealing with Mr or Miss “Inquisitive” • Mr inquisitive is the suspicious type – always out to catch people out. Their mission is to catch other people out so that their own lack of knowledge / understanding is not highlighted. • Their persistence is meant to rattle people, and they will repeat questions to delve for contradictions. • The way to gain the “win-win” will be: • Be patient – and use your listening skills to ensure that you have an understanding of the discussions that have taken place. • ALWAYS STICK TO THE KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU DO HAVE – if you don’t know the answers, tell them that you will find out. Finish be asking – “Is that OK?” or something similar. • NEVER try and fabricate an answer. Wyn Owen – Adain 2003

14. How do you recognise this person? Shy How should you handle him or her for a “win-win”? Wyn Owen – Adain 2003

15. Dealing with Mr or Miss “Shy” • The natural response with someone who is very quiet is to talk a lot to them – but what effect does this have? • Remember – they may be quiet – but they may also have the best ideas! • The way to gain the “win-win” will be: • Asking OPEN QUESTIONS. “What do you think George?” / “What’s your opinion on that Jane?” etc • Draw theminto the meeting & help them have their say. Wyn Owen – Adain 2003

16. That just leaves Mr or Mrs “Well-balanced” – which is us of course! • A couple of points on this: • Remember that in any meeting situation you are as important as all the other people there. • Rember that we all have our “good days” and our “off days” • Respect is the key – and even when you don’t feel that you are being respected, avoid the temptation to “fight back”. (Remember the “good teachers” at school?) • Always go for the WIN-WIN. • NOW LET US LOOK AT SOME REAL SITUATIONS WHERE WE’VE HAD COMMUNICATION ISSUES IN THE PAST. • We’ll move over to a whiteboard for this. Wyn Owen – Adain 2003