Marriage by Our Design

1. Marriage by Our Design Worldstory Bible Study St. Matthew Lutheran Church January 6, 2019 Rev. Steve Andrews Jr.

2. Scripture to Consider on Divorce • Hosea 1-3 • Profound analogy that expresses just how deep the love of God is for us. • What did Hosea do for his adulterous wife? • What does God do for His adulterous bride?

3. As we have discussed numerous times recently, marriage points us to Christ. To who He is, and what He has done for us. We are forgiven, restored, made new!!!

4. Divorce Rate • According to a study published in the American Law and Economics Review, women file slightly more than two-thirds of divorce cases in the US. There is some variation among states, and the numbers have also varied over time, with about 60% of filings by women in most of the 20th century, and over 70% by women in some states just after no-fault divorce was introduced, according to the paper. (No-fault grounds for divorce include incompatibility, irreconcilable differences, and irremediable breakdown of the marriage.) (by late 1983, every state but South Dakota and New York had adopted some form of no-fault divorce) - Wikipedia

5. Divorce Rate • That data shows us a couple of things: • Divorce, approximately 70% of the time, is filed by the wife. This fits with the Genesis 3 curse as a reversal of marriage. A desire for independence, headship, not helping, etc. • With the advent of no-fault divorce, an exceptionally high number of wives abandoned their marriage for the same reasons dating couples split (the lust ended). • Annual rates per 100,000 people • Pre – 60 wives, 40 husbands • Now – 149 wives (up 148%!), 63 husbands (up 58%)

6. Divorce Rate • Nearly half of US marriages end in divorce. • As the marriage rate decreases, the divorce rate increases. • View and discuss graph: https://www.unifiedlawyers.com.au/blog/global-divorce-rates-statistics/ • Because of this prevalence, we also discuss divorce in pre-marriage counseling.

7. Divorce • What I share in pre-marriage counseling: • “The craziest thing about marriage is that one cannot get divorced. We just do not seem to make it out of intimate relationships. It is obviously possible to divide up property and to decided not to live together any more, but it is impossible to go back to being single. Marriage is like a stew that has irreversible and irrevocable characteristics that the parts cannot be rid of. Divorce is leaving part of the self behind, like the rabbit who escapes the trap by gnawing one leg off. – Carl Whitaker, Whitaker & Keith, 1977, pg. 71 • Apply that to cohabitation…

8. Divorce in PMC

9. In marriage, the two become one flesh (husband and wife are now one). • In marriage, the two become one flesh (the one flesh union creates a new life, a new one, a child). • The picture of divorce then applies not only to the couple, but also their offspring. • This is why divorce is so tragic upon children. The child is also ripped in two.

10. Divorce in PMC • 3 Stages of divorce (PLEASE come see me before 3) (most wait until 3): • anger/hurt, focus on negative traits, evaluating marriage’s rewards/costs, hope remains frequent, optimistic of future. • anger intensified, more pervasive, apathy sets in, problem-solving now more direct and assertive, stop trying to please spouse, often first separation is here, • anger is the prevalent feeling, apathy up, hurt down, most thoughts are ending the marriage, problem-solving attempts drop off significantly • First turning point in marriage: 40% in first 6 months, 20% more in months 6-12. Could argue that all experience it, only some are able to resolve it. The rest never “attach” to one another in early phase, become married, but do not become family.

11. Divorce and Remarriage –What does the Scripture Teach? • Deuteronomy 24:1 • Malachi 2:16 • Matthew 5:31-32 • Matthew 19:1-12 • Mark 10:1-12 • Luke 16:18 • 1 Corinthians 7:10-16

12. Deuteronomy 24:1 • “When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house…” • What is divorce according to this verse? • We’ll see the same in the New Testament.

13. Malachi 2:16 • 16 “For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.” – ESV • 16 “ For I hate divorce," says the LORD, the God of Israel, "and him who covers his garment with wrong," says the LORD of hosts. "So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously." – NASB • Hard to tell who is the subject of the verb “hate” in the Hebrew text. • Either way, how does God feel about divorce?

14. Matthew 5:31-32 • "It was also said, 'Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.' But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”

15. Notes on the grammar: • There are three textual variants here in verse 32: • One simply makes the phrase “whoever divorces his wife” match the Greek wording in Matthew 5:31 and 19:9. • A second changes the verb “marries” in the final clause from subjunctive (mood of contingency, potential action, future orientation) to a participle, “the one who is marrying.” • A third omits the final clause altogether. According to Metzger, this is most likely due to repetition, the released/loosed woman is committing adultery with the new man, so that new man is also committing adultery is already implied. • No variant that changes the text

16. Notes on the meaning: • Why does divorcing the wife make her commit adultery? She is going to need a place to land. • Why the exception? Quite simple, the husband is not causing her to commit adultery, because she has already done so herself. • Anyone who marries a divorced person is committing adultery. Why would this be? They are already someone’s spouse! • What about roles in marriage? The husband is to care for and provide for his wife. Is he doing that by sending her away?! The wife is to help her husband. Is she doing that by sending him away?!

17. Matthew 19:1-12 • Now when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. 2 And large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. • 3 And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?” 4 He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” 

18. 7 They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” 8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” • 10 The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” 11 But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. 12 For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”

19. Notes on the grammar: • There are several textual variants: • V. 6 • A few manuscripts add “into one” after “what therefore God has joined together” • No difference in the reading here.

20. V. 9 • Some manuscripts say instead “whoever divorces his wife makes her to commit adultery,” while dropping the rest of the verse. This reading is in line with Matthew 5:32. • Others read “whoever divorces his wife, except for in the case of sexual immorality, causes her to commit adultery.” This, too, drops the end of the verse. This is also then in line with the Matthew 5:32 reading. • Several manuscripts add to the end of this verse: “and the one having been released and who is being married commits adultery.” There are two major Greek New Testaments today, the Nestle-Aland (BGT), which we typically use, and the Byzantine Text Form (BYZ). The Byzantine Text will usually simply print the majority reading, so whatever is the most common. Interestingly, this variant is the most common reading. • These first two variants are interesting and pivotal. They leave off entirely the idea of the man committing adultery, and like chapter 5, focus on the woman, the wife. What’s so pivotal here is that this is the only time the New Testament sounds like it is granting a person who is divorced the ability to marry another without committing adultery.

21. Notes on the meaning: • As mentioned already in the grammar notes, this is THE exception clause noted in the New Testament. This is the only place where the text of Scripture reads as though someone who is divorced can marry another person without committing adultery. • A possibility here: what was the punishment for the adulteress wife at the time? Stoning. So, if she’s been stoned to death for her crime, the husband is now without a spouse.

22. Note that it is only mentioned in one direction. It is the man sending away his wife, not a wife her husband. This opens up the text to the possibility of polygamy, a relatively common Old Testament practice that sees little attention in the New Testament. The husband would not be committing adultery by taking an additional wife, because he is treating her as he would regardless of having another wife or not. He is removing her from the family (excommunicating her in hopes of repentance). In the case of divorce where she hasn’t been unfaithful, he is committing adultery because he is failing to care for and provide for his wife. He’s removing her from the family in order to love another.

23. The Scripture does clearly define marriage as one man and one woman for life. In the Old Testament, polygamy seems to have two separate reasons behind it. • The perhaps legitimate angle is that of loving the neighbor. In a society where women owned nothing, and they lost their husband or tragedy struck their father/brother’s home where they were living, what were they to do? Sadly, many would fall into prostitution to avoid homelessness and starvation. Or, they’d marry into another family. • Levirate marriage (if your brother’s wife dies, you take her into your own home, and the first child she bears is your brothers, not yours) becomes a legitimate practice for a two-fold purpose, both to prevent the above neglect, death, and/or adultery of the woman, but also continuing the first husband’s family tree and inheritance within the Promised Land). Polygamy may have served in some instances, a similar function. Imagine a war torn society where there were simply far fewer males than females.

24. The second reason behind polygamy, is certainly not legitimate, and that’s the lustful heart of sinful man that treats women like a buffet. Today, we just have pornography and Tinder. • The New Testament texts that would most support polygamy are actually in regard to church leaders. • 1 Timothy 3:1-13 – speaks of pastors/overseers/elders in verse 2 as “the husband of one wife,” and deacons in verse 12 as “the husband of one wife.” • Titus 1:5-8 – again the mention that an elder/overseer/pastor ought to be “the husband of one wife.” • Why would this even be mentioned unless the practice of polygamy existed among them? • But these leaders are told to be examples to the flock, and the believers are told to follow the example of the apostles, disciples, and leaders. [Phil 3.17; 4.9; 1 Thess 1.6,7; 2 Thess 3.7,9; 1 Tim 4.12; Tit 2.7; 1 Pet 5.3; 1 Cor 4.6; 1 Cor 11.1]

25. While there is no verse in Scripture that prohibits the practice of polygamy, • There is also no instance in Scripture where polygamy ends well. • So, with the variant readings, this verse would simply ditto the others in Matthew and Mark. If left as is, this verse stands alone as a key concept: if a woman cheats on her husband, he is free to kick her out of his home and marry another. • A different possibility here is “The stoning of the guilty party. Jesus was speaking to Jews living under the Old Covenant. The Mosaic law demanded the death penalty for an adulterer. If these legal steps were taken, a person was freed by death, and hence could remarry.” – Church of the Lutheran Brethren study “Marriage, Divorce , Remarriage: An Exegetical Approach, May 1988, pg. 33, the Minority Report

26. Mark 10:1-12 • And he left there and went to the region of Judea and beyond the Jordan, and crowds gathered to him again. And again, as was his custom, he taught them. • 2 And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” 3 He answered them, “What did Moses command you?”4 They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.” 5 And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. 6 But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ 

27. 7 ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. 9 What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” • 10 And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. 11 And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, 12 and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

28. Notes on the grammar: • V. 11 and 12 variants: • There is a variant that reads, “And He said to them, if a woman looses her husband and marries another, she commits adultery, and if a husband looses the wife, he commits adultery.” • This one is strikingly different that the rest of the texts of Scripture. Here, the woman is first mentioned as the initiator of divorce, and commits adultery by marrying again. And the husband is said to commit adultery simply by divorcing his wife. The first part is similar to what is said of the husband elsewhere. The latter part is fitting with the idea of a husband’s role in caring for his wife. He must not depart from her.

29. A slightly more common variant has this for verse 12: “and if she looses her husband and marries another she commits adultery.” It puts the verse into her action, in the subjunctive mood (future contingency, something not guaranteed to happen). The verse in the text has the husband as the doer of the verb, the wife having “been loosed.” • There is another variant that reads similarly to the last, “and if she goes out from her husband and marries another she commits adultery.” This, too, makes her the actor, the instigator of divorce, leaving her family.

30. Notes on the meaning: • The phrase “hardness of heart” is an interesting one. Those words are used together 43 times in Scripture, 19 of them in reference to Pharaoh in the Exodus. On its most basic level, it means the sheer stubbornness to do one thing rather than another. But, it also carries the idea of unbelief (Proverbs 28:14, Isaiah 63:17, Ezekiel 3:7, Daniel 5:20, Zechariah 7:12, Mark 3:5, John 12:40, Romans 2:5, Ephesians 4:18, Hebrews 3:8, Hebrews 3:15, Hebrews 4:7). So, at least 31 of 43 (perhaps more) uses speak to people who lacked faith.

31. Marrying another individual after you have divorced/been divorced is adultery. Why? Because you are still married. Divorce doesn’t sever the marriage. It’s a release, a loosing, a sending away. • The text makes another distinction between man and woman. The remarrying woman simply commits adultery. The remarrying man commits adultery “against her,” that is, his first wife. He is not caring for, providing for, and protecting the woman he pledged that he would. He is causing her harm.

32. Luke 16:18 • “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.”

33. Notes on the grammar: • There are no variants of note. • Notes on the meaning: • This now reads like the Matthew 19 passage, that a husband who divorces his wife and marries another is guilty of adultery. But, there’s no exception clause here. • If you marry a divorced woman, you commit adultery. Why? She already has a husband!

34. 1 Corinthians 7:10-16 • 10 To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband 11 (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife. • 12 To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. 16 For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

35. Notes on the grammar: • v. 10-11 • A better rendering of these verses might read, “But to the ones already having been married I command, not I but the Lord, a wife is not to be separated from her husband, but even if she is separated, she is to remain unmarried or let her be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to let go/give up/send away a wife.” • In the original Greek, the verbs around the wife are not her action. She is passive, being acted upon. • One variant then changes the verb from passive to middle voice, so from “a wife is not to be separate from her husband” to “a wife is not to separate herself from her husband.” • A similar variant changes the same verb to a present middle passive, in other words, allowing the context to determine whether the wife is being acted upon or doing the action. • V. 15 • There’s a variant that changes “you (y’all)” to “us” at the end. It’s the majority reading.

36. Notes on the meaning: • Women should not divorce their husbands. Men should likewise not divorce their wives. • What options does Paul (God really) give to a wife who divorces her husband? • Remain unmarried. • Be reconciled to her husband. Her what? • She is still his bride. They are still one flesh. She can either seek a restored relationship with him, or remain alone for the rest of her days. • No similar statement is made of the man.

37. Paul's language is interesting and foreign to us as Americans. After divorce, he says the Lord commands the woman remain unmarried, or reconcile to her husband. Despite the divorce, they are still husband and wife. The Old Testament certificate of divorce was a document allowing a man to send his wife away, but the language of God is different. Matthew 19:6 "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” • 47 out of the 50 states in our country actually have this law on the books. You can be legally separated, that is, you go your own ways, there's protection financially, emotionally, physically, etc., from various forms of abuse. The government, however, still believes you to be husband and wife. I've never known anyone who's done this. All those I have known personally had intentions, even if only minor, of maybe finding love again someday, and thus went straight for the divorce.

38. Paul then moves into practical advice. If your spouse is not a Christian, but they are willing to remain with you, you should not divorce them. Why? So the family is made holy. They are set apart. There is the opportunity to continue to share Christ with them, to share His love and His forgiveness with them.

39. If, however, the unbelieving spouse leaves, let them leave. The believing spouse is not “enslaved.” Paul uses the same word again in 9:19, where he says, “I have made myself a slave to all, that I might win the more.” The image given here is that we would continuously chase after the wayward spouse, enslaved to their every move and whim, trying to please them, when they clearly don’t want it. They’ve rejected the gift of God in marriage. Let them go.

40. This verse has in recent church history been used to create a new exception, that abandonment allows for faithful new marriages. • “We believe verse 11 refers to the sworn obligation a spouse has to fulfill a marriage covenant. Where it is impossible to fulfill he obligations of marriage, we are not to be reckoned guilty by such non-performance. Our position is that to read into these verses a cancellation of the instruction to remain single is to assume too much.” – Church of the Lutheran Brethren study “Marriage, Divorce , Remarriage: An Exegetical Approach, May 1988, pg. 32, the Minority Report

41. A Couple Notes on the Texts • Marriage only ends in death. • Divorce = sending away, not a dissolution. • The one who marries another still marries. • We are now looking at a situation of polygamy, of having multiple spouses. It’s been coined “serial monogamy.” • Polygamists, however, continue to care and provide for all spouses. We treat the earlier spouses as though they aren’t spouses at all, and tend to stop caring and providing for them. • As it is with all our sin, we make a mess of our life and God’s creation.

42. The Inevitable Question • What does repentance from divorce then look like? • Before we can answer that, we have to deal with this one: • What is repentance? • Turning away from sin…

43. The Bible teaches that we are sinners, through and through. • If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. – 1 John 1:8 • Not that sin is only an action, but that we are constantly in sin. • Contrary to what many Christian churches today teach, we aren’t capable of achieving perfection in this life. We can’t live without sin. • This is how the new Catechism Explanation handles original sin:

44. 23. How does original sin affect every human creature? • It means that every person is now born • Without the ability to fear and love God – we are spiritually blind and dead • With an endless desire to sin – we are enemies of God • Deserving God’s temporal and eternal death sentence • Enslaved in a lifelong sinful condition from which we cannot free ourselves • Note: Christians are at the same time saints and sinner who continue to struggle daily against sin. Read Romans 7:14-25, where Paul describes this ongoing struggle against sin.

45. So…repentance? • “When our Lord and Master Jesus Christ said, ‘Repent’ (Mt 4:17), he willed the entire life of believers to be one of repentance.” – Martin Luther, 95 Theses, #1 • Repentance isn’t a one-time action precisely because sin isn’t a one-time action. • We are constantly sinner and saint. Constantly creatures of wrath who lay everything at the foot of the cross.

46. Smalcald Articles, Part III, Article III. Of Repentance • 33] In the same way Paul also preaches, Rom. 3:10-12: There is none righteous, there is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God, there is none that doeth good, no not one; they are all gone out of the way; they are together become unprofitable. 34] And Acts 17:30: God now commandeth all men everywhere to repent. "All men," he says; no one excepted who is a man. 35] This repentance teaches us to discern sin, namely, that we are altogether lost, and that there is nothing good in us from head to foot [both within and without], and that we must absolutely become new and other men.

47. 36] This repentance is not piecemeal [partial] and beggarly [fragmentary], like that which does penance for actual sins, nor is it uncertain like that. For it does not debate what is or is not sin, but hurls everything on a heap, and says: All in us is nothing but sin [affirms that, with respect to us, all is simply sin (and there is nothing in us that is not sin and guilt)]. What is the use of [For why do we wish] investigating, dividing, or distinguishing a long time? For this reason, too, this contrition is not [doubtful or] uncertain. For there is nothing left with which we can think of any good thing to pay for sin, but there is only a sure despairing concerning all that we are, think, speak, or do [all hope must be cast aside in respect of everything], etc.

48. 37] In like manner confession, too, cannot be false, uncertain, or piecemeal [mutilated or fragmentary]. For he who confesses that all in him is nothing but sin comprehends all sins, excludes none, forgets none. 38] Neither can the satisfaction be uncertain, because it is not our uncertain, sinful work, but it is the suffering and blood of the [spotless and] innocent Lamb of God who taketh away the sin of the world.

49. 39] Of this repentance John preaches, and afterwards Christ in the Gospel, and we also. By this [preaching of] repentance we dash to the ground the Pope and everything that is built upon our good works. For all is built upon a rotten and vain foundation, which is called a good work or law, even though no good work is there, but only wicked works, and no one does the Law (as Christ, John 7:19, says), but all transgress it. Therefore the building [that is raised upon it] is nothing but falsehood and hypocrisy, even [in the part] where it is most holy and beautiful.

50. 40] And in Christians this repentance continues until death, because, through the entire life it contends with sin remaining in the flesh, as Paul, Rom. 7:14-25, [shows] testifies that he wars with the law in his members, etc.; and that, not by his own powers, but by the gift of the Holy Ghost that follows the remission of sins. This gift daily cleanses and sweeps out the remaining sins, and works so as to render man truly pure and holy.