“Big Things First” September 27, 2009 rsmarriage

1. “Big Things First” September 27, 2009 www.rsmarriage.org

2. “Big Things” from Psalm 103 • Last Week: Forgiveness • Today: Know and Be Known; Chris and Kendra Testimony • Oct 4: Respect and Honor, Dignity and Civility • Oct 11: Purpose and Order--Dan and Miracle Mallett • Oct 18: Limits, Boundaries and Our Old Friend, the JA • Oct 25: Faith and Faithfulness (not unfaithfulness--that’s in Jan ‘10) • Nov 1: Anger, Conflict, Mercy and Grace • Nov 8: Your Best Interest at Heart and the One Anothers • Nov 15: Security, Provision and Protection • Nov 22: Thankfulness and Worship • Nov 29: No class • Dec 5: Christmas Dinner in the Atrium • Dec 6: Oneness and Covenant • Dec 13: Love • Dec 20: Couple Panel on Big Things of Psalm 103 • Dec 27: No class • Jan 3: Happy New Year --1st class of the 2010

3. At Your Tables • Intros please, and be ready to intro new couples. • In a light-hearted way, what was the biggest surprise you learned about your spouse during the 1st year of marriage?

4. Psalm 103:11-14

5. How well do you know your spouse, and how well are you known?….11 basic questions(actually there is a 12th I’ll ask now as a warm-up) 1. What is your spouse’s favorite article of clothing? 2. What is their favorite thing to do recreationally? With you? 3. Does/did your spouse have the approval/support of their parents? 4. What is your spouse’s greatest strength? 5. What is their biggest weakness? 6. How has your spouse been wounded the worst in their life? 7. When you argue, what do you think is the biggest issue that is at the heart of who your spouse is and why they react? 8. What are your mate’s biggest 2 fears in life and marriage? 9. What hurts your spouse’s feelings the easiest in your relationship? 10. What is your spouse’s dominant personality---control, submissive, outgoing, shy, risk taker, studious, loves change, avoids conflict, resolves issues quickly vs, sweeping them under the rug, communicator, physical touch, processor, strategic/tactical, soul/heart/feeling driven or fact/circumstance/evidence driven, relationship or event driven…….? 11. What are your spouse’s top 3 priorities in their life as we sit here today?

6. How well do you know your spouse, and how well are you known? Compare your answers and score how well you did on each question: 5= On target 4= Very Close 3= Close 2= Missed by a mile 1= You have no clue

7. Where/why does all this matter? • When you fight---what is the real issue behind your spouse’s behavior? • What ‘lights your spouse up’ the fastest? • What feeds your spouse’s priorities? • How is your spouse’s personality played-out in your marriage? • How can you better REACT to your spouse?

8. R-E-A-C-T • Recognize • Engage • Accept • Console • Thanks

9. Your Homework this week, and every week • Re-look the Basic 11 questions and discuss the answers. • Are we listening to the heart beat of the other? • Do we really want to know them? • Do we really want to have them know us? • Try the ‘R-E-A-C-T’ technique when issues arise.

10. Your Rock Solid Marriages Service Teamswww.rsmarriage.org Fellowship - Michele Rupprecht michelemhayes@yahoo.com Service - Rebecca Stark naturalstark@gmail.com Small Groups - Shawn and Kristen Hallinan kristen.hallinan@gmail.com New Members - Michele and Phil Rupprecht michelemhayes@yahoo.com philiptr2@hotmail.com Rock Solid Moms- Becky Del Ponte rldelponte@comcast.net Meals for new moms and illness - Martha-Lynn Henshaw ml@henshaw.net Class Treasurer - Ashley Byars abyars@na.ko.com Any issues, questions, complaints, ideas, help - mike@henshaw.net