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Crucial Conversations

Crucial Conversations. Adapted from  Crucial Conversations Tools For Talking When Stakes Are High Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron Mcmillan, and Al Switzler McGraw-Hill Companies, New York, 2002. ISBN 0-07-140194-6. Your Moderator Today is Karen Tobias

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Crucial Conversations

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  1. Crucial Conversations Adapted from  Crucial Conversations Tools For Talking When Stakes Are High Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron Mcmillan, and Al Switzler McGraw-Hill Companies, New York, 2002. ISBN 0-07-140194-6 • Your Moderator Today is • Karen Tobias • VP of Professional Development • NMA Headquarters • 2210 Arbor Blvd. • Dayton, OH 45439 • 937-294-0421 • E-mail: karen@nma1.org CEU code 05109wb .1 CEU

  2. Objectives for Crucial Conversations Discover how to communicate best when it matters the most • Manage your communication “style” under stress • Make it safe to talk about anything • Fill the Pool of Shared Meaning • Turn conversations into actions and results you want

  3. Tools for talkingWhen the stakes are high… • At work • Boss – Performance reviews • Co-workers - Conflicts on how to… • Customers – Angry • At home • Family – Children, Parents, S______ • Friends – ____________ • Neighbors – ____________

  4. We Can Fight “Violence” Attack Label Control We Can Flee “Silence” Withdrawn Avoid Mask Behavior Choices “Conversation Killers” Chapter 4, Learn to Look, pp. 52-54.

  5. Behavior Choices Fight Camp Flight Camp

  6. The Dialogue Model Silence Withdrawing Avoiding Masking Safety Dialogue Controlling Labeling Attacking Violence

  7. “Conversation Killers” What is happening to you… • Feel fear • Question their motives • Feel you aren’t respected • Feel threaten What shouldbe happening to you… • Feel safe • Trust their motives • Respect the person • Understand their meaning

  8. Start with your own heart The only person you can change is yourself…start there. • Focus on What You Really Want • Pay attention to your motives. • Ask yourself: “What does my behavior tell me about what my motives are?” • Then, clarify what you reallywant. Ask yourself: “What do I want for myself? For others? For the relationship?” • And finally ask: “How would I behave if this were what I really wanted?” Chapter 4 , Learn to Look, p. 63.

  9. Learn to Look Learn to  • Look at contentand conditions • Look for when things become crucial • Learn to watch for safety problems • Look to see if others are moving toward silence or violence • Look for outbreaks of your Style Under Stress Chapter 4, Learn to Look, p. 63.

  10. Refuse the Sucker’s Choice • As you consider what you want, notice when you start talking yourself into a Sucker’s Choice. • Watch to see if you’re telling yourself that you must choose between peace and honesty, between winning and losing, and so on. • Break free of these Sucker’s Choices by searching for the and. • Clarify what you don’t want, add it to what you do want, and ask your brain to start searching for healthy options to bring you to dialogue. Chapter 3, Start with Heart, p. 43.

  11. Make it Safe “…Step out of the conversation, build safety, and then find a way to dialogue…” Decide which condition of Safety is at risk • Mutual Purpose • Do others believe you care about their goals in this conversation? Do they trust your motives? • Mutual Respect • Do others believe you respect them? Chapter 5, Make It Safe, p. 91.

  12. Make It Safe • Apologize when appropriate. • Contrast to fix misunderstandings • When others misunderstand either your purpose or intent, use Contrasting. • Start with what you don’t intend or mean. Then explain what you dointend or mean. Chapter 5, Make It Safe, p. 92.

  13. Make It Safe CRIB to Get to Mutual Purpose When you are at cross-purposes, use four skills to get back to Mutual Purpose: • Commit to seek Mutual Purpose. • Recognize the purpose behind the strategy. • Invent a Mutual Purpose. • Brainstorm new strategies. Chapter 5, Make It Safe, p. 92.

  14. Resources Crucial Conversations Tools For Talking When Stakes Are High Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler McGraw-Hill Companies, New York, 2002. ISBN 0-07-140194-6 Http://www.crucialconversations.com

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