College Transfer:

1. College Transfer: The Personal Statement http://faculty.uoit.ca/hughes/Writing/TheWritingProcess.gif

2. Personal Essay = Self-Introduction What do you say to introduce yourself? It depends on your audience and your purpose

3. Personal Statements • Five Main Questions • Form and Style • Things to Avoid • How to Be Concise

4. Five Main Questions • What is your academic history? • What significant challenge or positive experience has influenced your academic career? • What are your intended major and career goals? • What cultural experiences have you had and what did you learn? • Why this school?

5. (1) Academic History • What have you studied and why? • What are your accomplishments? • What have you done in school (at BC and/or other colleges) that brings you to where you are now?

6. Academic History When I established residency, I transferred to Green River Community College. I met interesting people with diverse life experiences and professors who encouraged my interests. As I immersed myself in literature, I found that I loved it and wanted to become a writer. . . . . I set my sights on the creative writing program at the University of Washington and took classes to prepare me for that course work. Returning to writing and literature had restored my confidence. When Summer 2011 came, I enrolled at Bellevue College to continue the course work that would prepare me for the program I wanted to enter.

7. Academic History The more I listened to the radio and read the newspapers about what had happened, the more I learned, and the more I learned, the more I wanted to know. At one point, I had at least four news sources bookmarked on my computer. I was home schooled, and every day before I started my homework I would read through the headlines and some of the stories of each newspaper.

8. Academic History . . . . I decided I would look into journalism. I attended a summer course on digital media production, and the next year I did a 6-week internship at KUOW in Seattle. I produced several stories, and I found that I really enjoyed writing the stories and then voicing them on the radio. I started attending Bellevue College, and it was there that I discovered my love of writing. I had written papers for school, but I had not really enjoyed them. When I took my first English class in college, I found that I really enjoyed being able to express what I was feeling through writing.

9. (2) Challenge or Positive Experience • What happened? • What did you learn from the experience? • How will you deal with this situation if it should happen again? Focus on showing how your experience empowers you and prepares you for university challenges.

10. Challenge or Positive Experience After many years, I learned a likely answer to why I had struggled so much with grades and emotional problems: a particular learning disability called Non-verbal Learning Disability (NLD). When I was a child, I had been diagnosed with a learning disability, although the specialists were unable to identify it with any certainty. The IQ tests showed that my aptitudes were drastically lop-sided, strongly favoring verbal skills over non-verbal. Now I had a label for what had always made me different as a learner. I also found a set of rules and ideas that others had used to cope with NLD; I'd found my key to success.

11. (3) What are your intended major and career goals? • Why did you choose this major? • What do you want to do after you graduate?

12. Show Specific Knowledge Demonstrate knowledge of the field or subject you want to study and the careers that are related to it. Support your statements with informed sources “I read in The Wall Street Journal last year . . .”“My sister, who is a researcher at Johns Hopkins, . . .”“After meeting with an advisor in the department, . . .”

13. Intended Major Show you have a drive to study the subject, illustrate your passion But be honest: if you’re not passionate, just curious, say so!

14. Intended Major With my fascination with all things, picking a major was a bit of a challenge. When I asked myself what I wanted to do with my life, I wasn't sure. Who spends their time learning, first of all, and who spends their time learning about everything in the world? My father suggested I look at something like international studies, and when I saw the definition, I was decided. Even the name was perfect.

15. Career Goals I want to become a book editor and a teacher of creative writing, helping both established and would-be authors craft effective and powerful stories. I hope to publish stories of my own and build a successful career as a writer. I'm experiencing the wonder of the creative process and I hope to push that journey to new frontiers at the University of Washington–Seattle.

16. Career Goals I want to be able to go and experience the life outside of my world. I want to step through the door that opened on the morning of September 11th and see what's on the other side, not just hear about it or read about, but see it and smell it and taste it for myself. I want to be able to tell other people and make it come alive for them at times when it needs to be alive. I'm still not sure what this will look like for me. One day I'll be looking back on my life, and I might be able to say that I was a government worker, or I worked for a non-profit, or I was a journalist for some news agency, I don't really know. Right now, though, I think I just want to start.

17. (4) Cultural Experiences Define your experience and display your self-awareness of this subject.

18. Culture Examples My neighbors were mostly immigrant families from all over the world, and during the summer when we children would play kickball in our backyard, the whole neighborhood would come to play. There would be kids from Mexico, America, India, Russia, Ukraine and many other countries. I would leave my front door, and I could go from hearing Russian, to Spanish, to Farsi, all in the first two minutes. When a new kid came into the neighborhood, asking where they were from was second only to asking their name.

19. Culture Examples My goals changed while I served my mission. My focused service required that I avoid any media that wasn't related to my work. This distance gave me a new perspective on many things, including the press. I found that, while the press can bring people together, it often divides people, relaying gossip and encouraging tribalism. I no longer wanted any part of journalism. In fact, I had quit writing altogether. But on my mission I had also discovered the richness of the history of my own people. I learned that they were the only group to ever be expelled by force from the borders of the United States for their beliefs. This got me excited about the historical patterns that influenced other races, creeds, nations, and families. I decided to change my plans and study history.

20. (5) Why this school? • What can this school do for you that perhaps another school cannot? Are you “place-bound,” needing to stay near a job or family, and this school meets your needs? Does the school offer a unique program or faculty?

21. Why this school? At the University of Washington I hope to find knowledge, of course, but also good people. My experiences have taught me that the individuals I encounter in the course of my education are just as important as the diploma itself. I hope to be taught by talented classmates and faculty, and to help others find their way. Employment to support my family is a strong factor in my need to attend the University of Washington. While my family is just my wife and I right now, we're expecting our first child, a son, this Christmas. But I also know that attending this University will help open doors and help me lay a strong foundation for lifelong achievement.

22. Form and Style • Tell them about YOU—who you are today, what you can do in the school, what sets you apart from other applicants • Appeal to emotions—to hook and keep hooked • Use thesis statement to unify and stay focused • Tell short, descriptive stories in each paragraph to illustrate the point you are making.

23. Form and Style The style does not need to be related to your intended major Content matters most

24. Form and Style Liz Mendez, UW Admissions advises: Be clear Be descriptive Be genuine Write at a college level Stay within the word limit

25. Name Withheld If your reader couldn’t see your name, would the text still be clearly written by and about you? Tell stories that illustrate your personality and character

26. Things to Avoid • Starting with a quote (yawn). —That’s someone else, not you! • Generalizations—those phrases any applicant could say: “I am eager to face challenges . . .”“I want a job that contributes to society.”“The program at your school is highly ranked . . .” • Personal difficulty that you have not resolved or that you cannot say you could overcome.

27. Things to Avoid The Cliché Immigrant Story: “I came to the U.S. It was hard. I had culture shock. My grades were bad. I joined clubs and made friends. Now I am succeeding in school, and I want to get a BA in America.”

28. What’s wrong with my life story? The “immigrant story” is something that is not unique. It may be your true experience, but colleges and universities are looking for outstanding individuals. Being outstanding is in the details of your experiences. Being remarkable is about being different from other people.

29. Tell them about your best self • Focus on what is best & most distinctive about you • It should be features that a stranger cannot discern from your transcript, résumé, or test scores • Describe examples that illustrate your strengths

30. What makes you different? I dabbled with short stories and read the novels of my literary heroes. I even won third prize in a short fiction contest held by The Stranger. I also learned more about my own tastes, determining what kind of stories I wanted to tell. I joined a feedback group for writers which met at a local bookstore and found weekly affirmation and encouragement. All this kept me going through the grind of work by day, and school by night.

31. Be Concise • Use as few words as possible • Make sentences simple: Subject Verb (Object) • Use simple tenses • Avoid “There are/There is . . . ” beginnings to sentences

32. Concise Examples I learned how to set priorities and establish short-term goals through the class project.  Completing the project taught me how to prioritize and set goals. I want to attend the University of Washington because the school is the only public college in the state that offers graduate-level degrees in linguistics. (25 words)  The UW appeals to me most because no other public college in the state offers graduate degrees in linguistics. (19 words)

33. Examples Practicing medicine has been my dream for as long as I can remember. (12 words)  For years, I’ve prepared to practice medicine.(7 words)

34. “Paramedic” Method What the OWL at Purdue calls the “paramedic method” of revision to slim down sentences to their most basic forms: 1. Circle the prepositions (of, in, about, for, . . .) 2. Draw a box around the "is" verb forms 3. Ask, "Where's the action?" 4. Change the "action" into a simple verb 5. Move the doer into the subject (Who's kicking whom) 6. Eliminate any unnecessary slow wind-ups. 7. Eliminate any redundancies. Brizee, H. Allen. “Paramedic Method: A Lesson in Writing Concisely.” The OWL at Purdue.Purdue University. 28 Sept. 2007Web. 15 July 2009.

35. “Paramedic” Method Wordy example: In this paper, I am going to discuss many aspects of this current problem which is troubling to many people who are involved in this endeavor and need the public to become aware of their problem and try to solve it. (41 words) Revised: Many people need the public’s help to solve the current problem. (11 words)

36. Personal Statement Recap Personal story, not just a list of activities Let whoever reads your essay see you as a unique individual Show how your struggles and triumphs have taught you how to be successful

37. Web Resources The University of Washington Admissions: http://admit.washington.edu/ Recommended: the Quick Answers link under “Admission” For international students: https://www.applyweb.com/apply/uwi/ For all other transfer students: https://www.applyweb.com/apply/uwt/ Examples of memorable opening lines: http://www.washington.edu/alumni/columns/june09/hub_lines.html