180 likes | 363 Views
Communicating for Positive Results. Presented by Peninsula Conflict Resolution Center April 4, 2014. C ommunication challenging?. Agenda. Tips for managing emotions Effective listening and speaking techniques Skills for eliciting underlying needs and interests
E N D
Communicating for Positive Results Presented by Peninsula Conflict Resolution Center April 4, 2014
Agenda • Tips for managing emotions • Effective listening and speaking techniques • Skills for eliciting underlying needs and interests • A five-step process for resolving conflict • Getting support
“Dirt Precedes the Sprout” • When a new seedling emerges, the first thing that comes up is dirt, then the perfectly formed sprout • The first stages of a difficult conversation can feel emotionally messy • The “dirt” signals that something transformative may happen • Try to be present with the emotion and see it through
Conflict Conflict is a disagreement between two or more people or groups about something that is important to them.
Emotions and Conflict • Conflict can escalate when there is an increase in emotion (anger, frustration, shame, fear) • Conflict can de-escalate when emotions are acknowledged and validated
Tips for Managing Emotions • Step back and take three deep breaths • Cool-off from the immediate emotional heat • Reflect on what triggered you • Re-engage when you are calmer and can see the big picture • Work to de-escalate the situation
Listening So People Can Talk Active Listening Techniques: • Attend • Summarize • Rephrase • Reflect • Clarify • Validate
Summarize • Rephrase(facts): Restate the major ideas that have been expressed • Reflect(feelings): Describe the emotions you hear from the other person
Positions vs. Interests • Positions are what we say we want, often in the form of demands • Needs and interests are the why, or the underlying reasons behind what we want • It’s important to uncover needs and interests, so that what matters most can be addressed
Clarify • Ask clarifying questions to understand needs and interests • Use open-ended questions: • Tell me more about… • What would you like to do about… • In what ways are you concerned about… • How does that impact/affect you? • What about that is important to you?
Validate • Respectfully acknowledge the speaker’s participation in the problem-solving process • Even if nothing is resolved, express appreciation: “Thank you for taking the time to talk with me and trying to work something out.”
Speaking So People Can Listen • About Non-blaming language • Using “I messages” • Avoiding “poison” words
Steps to Resolve a Conflict 1. Cool off 2. Define the problem 3. Find needs 4. Brainstorm solutions 5. Make a plan and go for it
Getting Assistance • Prevention • Support • Intervention
Review We covered: • Tips for managing emotions • Effective listening and speaking techniques • Skills for eliciting underlying needs and interests • A five-step process for resolving conflict • Getting support