Exercise 27

1. Exercise 27

2. No.1 • (Worse)Modification of environmental technologies transferred from abroad for the local industrial sector is performed by the research institute. • (Better)The research institute modifies environmental technology transferred from abroad for the local industrial sector.

3. [Note 8.1] • Switching from passive voice to active voice makes this sentence more direct, concise and persuasive.

4. No.2 • (Worse) Accurate prediction of the boundary parameters by mathematicians is of heavy emphasis. • (Better)The mathematicians heavily emphasize accurately predicting the boundary parameters.

5. [Note 8.2] • Like in the previous sentence, using passive voice makes the sentence wordy or indecisive. • However, active voice makes the sentence more direct and clear.

6. No.3 • (Worse) An outline of how to install the software program is made in the following section. • (Better 1)The following section outlines how to install the software program. • (Better 2) The following section outlines the installation of the software program.

7. [Note 8.3] • Using a verb instead of a noun simplifies this sentence. • Avoid sentences that contain phrase like is made, is done, is performed, is conducted, isundertaken and is achieve. Such phrases often make the sentence unnecessarily long. • Consider the following examples:

8. [Note 8.3] (cont.) • (Original) Simulation of the program is done. • (Revised) The program is simulated. • (Original) Implementation of the program is performed. • (Revised) The program is implemented. • (Original) Optimization of the output is achieved. • (Revised) The output is optimized.

9. No.4 • (Worse) A more thorough description of the environmental impact on the ozone layer was made by Smith (1985). • (Better)Smith (1985) more thoroughly described the environmental impact on the ozone layer.

10. No.5 • (Worse)Contributing factors to rainforest depletion include overpopulation. • (Better) Overpopulation contributes to rainforest depletion.

11. [Note 8.4] • A writer should use strong verbs that imply a precise action. In this case, contributes implies a more precise action than include. • Avoid overusing verbs like make, come, take, is, are, was, and were which often have a general meaning rather than a precise one. • Consider the following examples:

12. [Note 8.4] (cont.) • (Original) (Unclear action) The purpose of this study is to understand the underlying factors. • (Revised)(Clear action) The study attempts (aims) to understand the underlying factors . • (Original) (Unclear action) The committee made a decision on what to do next. • (Revised)(Clear action) The committee decide what to do next.

13. No.6 • (Worse)Awareness of external factors that contribute to industrial pollution must be known by the urban planner. • (Better)The urban planner must be aware of external factors that contribute to industrial pollution.

14. No.7 • (Worse)No significant variation between the two temperatures occurred. • (Better) The two temperatures did not significantly vary.

15. No.8 • (Worse)It is impossible to forecast all potential workplace hazards. • (Better) All potential workplace hazards can not be forecasted.

16. [Note 8.5] • Writers should try to avoid sentence start with It and There to save space and to achieve a greater emphasis. • Consider the following examples:

17. [Note 8.5] (cont.) • (Original) There are many programs available in Taiwan. • (Revised) Many programs are available in Taiwan. • (Original) It is possible to create many designs with software. • (Revised) Many designs can be created with software.

18. No.9 • (Worse)There is no need for the assessment of the production capacity of the factory floor to be undertaken by the foreman. • (Better)The foreman does not need to assess the production capacity of the factory floor.

19. [Note 8.6] • In this revised sentence, not only does the writer avoid the There is sentence opener but also turns a noun (assessment) into a verb (assess), thus shortening the sentence.

20. No.10 • (Worse) Carpooling can be arranged by means of a designated driver if conditions are such that commuters to the same workplace live in close proximity to each other. • (Better) Carpooling can be arranged by designated driver if commuters to the same workplace live near each other.

21. [Note 8.7] • The writer should try to avoid needless and redundant words and phrases that only make the sentence lengthy. • Replacing if conditions are such that with if and in close proximity with near greatly simplifies the sentence.

22. No.11 • (Worse) A definite decision about future plans should not be made until a major breakthrough in product development occurs. • (Better 1) A decision about plans should not be made until a breakthrough in product development occurs. • (Better 2)Plans should not be made until a breakthrough in product development occurs.

23. [Note 8.8] • Another form of redundancy is putting two words together that have the same meaning. • Since definite implies something that is a decision, future, implies plans, and major implies a breakthrough, the writer can easily cut this phrase in half by simply saying decision, plans and breakthrough.

24. No.12 • (Worse)It is well known that telecommunications technologies happen to be expanding rapidly for the purpose of satisfying the growing consumer demand. • (Better) Telecommunications technologies are expanding rapidly to satisfy the growing consumer demand.