Don’t treat your kids Equal

1. Why You Should Treat Your Kids Unequally A guide by Arjun & Arya @ThelessonsGuy

2. I am the mother of two daughters, and the two of them have opposite characters. One is very responsible while the other seems unconcerned. Parenting is always on a trial and error basis, and over time my style also evolved. From my experience, I have concluded that treating the kids equal is almost impossible. I have seen many parents trying to ensure equal treatment for all their kids. They provide similar gifts, dresses, care, and so on without caring about their individual needs. Now imagine a situation where two of your kids would like to look over a wall, but one is short while the other requires glasses. If you want to treat them equally, you either need to buy two stools or glasses or maybe two of them each. I know this example was a bit of a stretch, but think about it. Do you want to treat your kids equally? Or do you want to treat them fairly?

3. How can we treat our kids fairly? 1) Know your kids love language You might be expressing your love in a way in which you like to be loved, but your kid might not feel it because that is not the way they wished to be loved. To understand each other, you need to understand each other’s love language. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are five ways people feel they are loved, and below are my take on it. a) Words of Affirmation You need to tell these types of kids that you love and appreciate them. Even if you are not present in person, they should feel that you will be there to support them no matter what or where. Giving positive affirmations could also create a deep-rooted feeling in their mind.

4. b) Quality Time For this type of kid, you need to give them your undivided attention. Listen to them, play with them, explore, and discuss with them. Creating good memories together will create a deep-rooted bond with you. Read- How to get your kids to Focus c) Receiving Gifts Everyone loves gifts and surprises, and it is especially true for these types of kids. They measure the love towards them by the gifts they receive. It need not be expensive, and they will love it for the entertainment value and the personal touch.

5. 5) Saving is entertaining When I was a kid, I used to enjoy playing PC games, but once I started earning, I couldn’t enjoy them any longer. No matter what I did, gaming made me feel empty inside. Now I have invested in gold, stock market, mutual funds, bank deposits, digital currency, and much more. It excites me to see a small amount of money coming from all these sources, and now I am getting the same kind of kick from managing these resources as I used to get while playing games. d) Act of Service These types of kids like it when we help them overcome hurdles. Encourage them to pursue hobbies and be a part of their activities e) Physical Touch These kids feel love through physical touch, like a kiss on the forehead or a pat on the back. Hold them tight to ensure you are there for them. The best way to identify which category your child falls onto is to ask them questions. The most memorable moment with you? What made them frustrated or sad? What more do they want from you? Etc. From the answers to these questions, you will be able to figure out your child’s love language is. Read and know about the Sexual Behaviour in Kids

6. 6) Save up an emergency fund When I crisis, If you don’t have an emergency fund, you might have to take up unfavorable deals like High-interest loan Take out your investment when in loss Asking your friends Ideally, you need to have a minimum of 3 to 6 months of your living expenses in a savings account. 2) Be Honest with your Kids At times we may have to give preferential treatment for one, especially when they fall sick. Explain to them the situation and make them understand the necessity of extra support. If possible, let the others help even though they could not contribute much, it helps them feel better. 3) Don’t compare your kids Even though kids grow up in the same environment, they have different interests and capabilities. Understand each one’s strengths and weaknesses and encourage them to focus on their strengths. Be careful with the choice of words, and do not compare your kids with each other. If you play your cards right, siblings will cover up each other’s weakness. Read- Role of Play in Child Development

7. 6) Save up an emergency fund When I crisis, If you don’t have an emergency fund, you might have to take up unfavorable deals like High-interest loan Take out your investment when in loss Asking your friends Ideally, you need to have a minimum of 3 to 6 months of your living expenses in a savings account. 4) Give opportunities & exposure Introduce your kids to different areas when they are young, be it music, craft, or anything else. Depending on their interests let them focus on the path of their choosing 5) Discipline your kids based on their personality It is the same as carrot, egg, and coffee bean story. Each one takes each situation differently, so the treatment cannot be the same. For one an advice will do, as for the other, it may require some scolding. When you punish or discipline your kids, understand what works well for whom. 6) Sibling Conflict Set some ground rules and give your kids enough time to solve their conflicts for themselves. Your involvement could make it worse especially for older kids.

8. Conclusion Having said, you should treat your kids differently doesn’t mean it should be because of gender but due to differences in their unique interests. Both parents should follow the same rules, and it is preferable not to have daddy’s or mama’s pet as it could put a damper on the fairness factor. Thank You!! Related stories from @The Lessons Guy 8 Ways to reduce Suicide in kids Tips to Prepare Your Child for Online Learning at Home