October 18, 2005

1. ‘Top Ten’ Soft Skills in BusinessPresented at the Washington DC Chapter of the Project Management Institute October 18, 2005

2. Opening‘Top Ten’ Soft Skills in Business • Networking Jean Fleming • Making Introductions Russ Roseman • Speaking Extemporaneously in Public Russ Roseman • Giving Effective Praise Russ Roseman • Giving Constructive Criticism Stacie Sherwood • Listening Effectively Stacie Sherwood • Negotiating Joan Oosterhout • Coping With Difficult People Joan Oosterhout • Confronting Conflict Jean Fleming • Being Diplomatic Jean Fleming

3. OpeningWhy These Skills Are Important • Research from the Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers (IEEE) shows that ‘soft skills’ make or break a technical professional’s career: “Engineering and personal performance are being judged on the additional personal skills that you bring to the table—and that you practice daily with your organization.” (IEEE Director Emeritus Theodore Hissey) • Co-workers, colleagues, clients, and other business contacts tend to judge your competence based in part on these ten soft skills. • These skills are used every day, yet for most of us they require lifelong practice. • These skills are interrelated, so the impact of their use or misuse may be cumulative. • Your perceived behavior will likely be reciprocated.

4. OpeningWhy These Skills Are Important (concluded) • Why are these soft skills important? Used by permission of United Features Syndicate, Inc.

5. OpeningPurpose of This Presentation • This presentation is intended to provide memorable key points for both immediate and sustained use.

6. OpeningHousekeeping • The Team: • Jean Fleming • Joan Oosterhout • Russ Roseman • Stacie Sherwood • Structure of the presentation • Questions • Reference list • Take-away card

7. Networking

8. Networking What Is It and Why Is It Important? • What is it? • Expanding the number of one's business contacts by making connections through personal interaction. • Why is it important? • Many opportunities, both corporate and individual, materialize through relationships. • Organizations rely on new contacts for growth and resources.

9. NetworkingSome Key Points • Attend events where you will meet others with similar interests. • Consider every gathering a networking opportunity. • Bring an abundant supply of business cards. • Wear your name tag on your right lapel, where it will be in the line of sight of a person shaking hands with you. • Think of yourself as a host at the event: smile, introduce yourself first, try to make others feel comfortable, andwelcome newcomers to join your table or group. • Apply your knowledge of manners and etiquette.

10. NetworkingSome Key Points (concluded) • Prepare a memorable 30-second description of who you are and what you do. • Prepare yourself with topics of conversation prior to the event; current events, sports, and the speaker’s background are good sources. Avoid controversial or negative topics. • Rapport is built when both individuals share their experiences. Focus your attention on each person. Seek to learn about him or her. • Avoid taking snubs personally.

11. NetworkingSummary • What to remember? • Build the relationship by helping the other person first. Pay attention to what the other person needs and wants. • Follow through on any promises or commitments you make, even trivial ones. • Express appreciation for any help you receive. • Hot Tip: Everyone’s favorite topic of conversation is himself or herself. • Related topics: Making Introductions, Listening Effectively, Being Diplomatic

12. Making Introductions

13. Making IntroductionsWhat Is It and Why Is It Important? • What is it? • Using formal, business-appropriate etiquette to present one person to another, or to present one person to a group. • Why is it important? • Polished introductions help others feel comfortable. • Appropriate introductions provide ‘situational awareness’ to those present.

14. Making IntroductionsSome Key Points • Show deference to clients, senior executives, distinguished guests, and high-ranking dignitaries by stating their names first. In this way, you introduce the other person to them. If unsure of precedence, introduce: • A younger person to an older person • A co-worker to a client or a person from another company • A layperson to an official • Anyone at a party to a guest of honor If none of these applies, the order of introduction is not important, although some people feel more comfortable introducing a man to a woman. • “Mrs. Mary Jones, I’d like to introduce Mr. John Smith.” Adapted from www.successimages.com

15. Making IntroductionsSome Key Points (concluded) • If you are unsure of how to pronounce someone's name, you may say, "I'd really like to pronounce your name correctly.” The person will supply the correct pronunciation. • If you have forgotten the name of an individual you wish to introduce: • Look at the person’s name tag. • If all else fails, regretfully excuse your memory and ask the person to please introduce himself or herself. • To introduce yourself, use a phrase such as “Hello, I’m John Doe; I don’t believe we’ve met.” Refrain from using a courtesy title or honorific before your own name. Adapted from www.successimages.com

16. Making IntroductionsSummary • What to remember? • Use complete names in the introduction. • Phrases such as “May I introduce …” or “I’d like you to meet …” are appropriate and gracious. Avoid commands, such as “Dr. Johnson, meet Dr. Logan.” • When possible, include some information about each individual in order toprovide a basis for conversation. For example, “Ms. Smith, this is Dr. Williams, Vice President of Marketing at ABC Company. Ms. Smith is president of XYZ Company. I believe you both attended Ypsilanti University and majored in basket weaving.” • Hot Tip: An imperfect introduction is better than no introduction at all. • Related Topics: Networking, Listening Effectively Adapted from www.successimages.com

17. Speaking Extemporaneously in Public

18. Speaking Extemporaneously in PublicWhat Is It and Why Is It Important? • What is it? • Speaking without preparation or practice when you areunexpectedly asked to ‘say a few words’ to a group. • Why is it important? • You have an opportunity to make yourself or your organization known to an audience that may form a lasting impression of you and your organization.

19. Speaking Extemporaneously in PublicSome Key Points • Rise from your chair slowly and calmly, smile, and thank the requestor for giving you the opportunity to address the topic. Use this time to gather your thoughts and prepare your response. • Speak from the perspective of the audience. • Use humor sparingly. • Look around the room as you speak. Make eye contact with several audience members. Adapted from www.toastmasters.org

20. Speaking Extemporaneously in PublicSummary • What to remember? • Avoid extreme or provocative comments. • Make a maximum of three points and keep them simple. • Speak for only two or three minutes. • Hot Tip: If you suspect you will be asked to speak, formulate your “sound bites” in advance. • Related topics: Being Diplomatic

21. Giving Effective Praise

22. Giving Effective PraiseWhat Is It and Why Is It Important? • What is it? • Expressing approval, commendation, or admiration in a way that creates a desired impact on the person or group being praised. • Why is it important? • Praise is one of the most effective forms of positive reinforcement in the workplace. • Giving effective praise is one of the strongest workplace motivators. • Receiving recognition is highly valued.

23. Giving Effective PraiseSome Key Points • The purpose of praise in the workplace is to increase morale and productivity. • Only sincere praise is credible. • Praise the deed, not the doer. For example, “Your analysis provided useful additional insight” is more effective than “You are so smart!” • Provide praise during an effort, rather than withholding recognition until completion. • Praise noticeable improvements, even if the final outcome has not been reached. • Avoid negating praise after giving it. For example, don’t undermine a positive comment by following it with “It’s about time!” • Like effective listening, decision making, and problem solving, effective praising requires know-how and practice.  (American Management Association)

24. Giving Effective PraiseSome Key Points (continued) • To praise anyone: • Target your praise to specific accomplishments, rather than general work. • Believe your praise. In order for praise to work, you need to be sincere and honest about it. • Praise in proportion. Too much praise dilutes the effect. Too little is also ineffective.

25. Giving Effective PraiseSome Key Points (concluded) • To praise someone subordinate in the organizational hierarchy: • We’ve all heard, “Praise in public and reprimand in private,” but: • Be cautious when praising individuals in public because some find this embarrassing. • Praising a team in public is recommended. • To praise someone equivalent or superior in the organizational hierarchy: • Praise peers in public, but use caution regarding time, place, audience, and choice of words. • Praise managers and supervisors in private. Public praise may make managers or supervisors feel uncomfortable.

26. Giving Effective PraiseSummary • What to remember? • Praise with purpose • Target your praise • Believe your praise • Praise in proportion • Hot Tip: Sincere and specific praise is greatly appreciated. Virtually no one believes he or she receives enough recognition in the workplace. • Related topics: Listening Effectively, Being Diplomatic

27. Giving Constructive Criticism

28. Giving Constructive CriticismWhat Is It and Why Is It Important? • What is it? • Directing criticism to the originator of an action, event, product, or process with the objective of changing behavior in a positive way. • Why is it important? • Constructive criticism is one of the most crucial elements in establishing a connection between what people are doing and how their actions are perceived by others.

29. Giving Constructive CriticismSome Key Points • Deliver the criticism in private. • Focus on the behavior, not the person. • Ask questions to give you insight and develop understanding. • Learn to interpret reactions accurately. • Keep in mind that your reality is not THE reality. • If you are angry, take time to calm down before communicating. • Avoid using “never,” “always,” and “worst.” • Avoid ascribing or implying intent to the action being addressed.

30. Giving Constructive CriticismSummary • What to remember? • Give clear, specific feedback with examples while the behavior is fresh in your mind, focusing on behaviors that the receiver can change. • Provide an alternative course of action. • Get a commitment from the person to try to change the behavior. • Hot Tip: Be honest with yourself about your motivations and how they impact the objective of your feedback. • Related Topics: Giving Effective Praise, Coping with Difficult People, Confronting Conflict, Being Diplomatic Adapted from The Results Driven Manager: Dealing With Difficult People Adapted from Smart Moves Adapted from“Ten Tips for Delivering Criticism” (Successful Meeting, 54, no. 9)

31. Listening Effectively

32. Listening EffectivelyWhat Is It and Why Is It Important? • What is it? • Focusing your attention during communications so that you are able to process, comprehend, and remember the message being conveyed to you. • Why is it important? • The effectiveness of the spoken word hinges not so much on how people talk but mostly on how they listen. • Effective listening not only is a means of receiving information you need to be successful, but is also a way to convey respect to the people with whom you communicate.

33. Listening EffectivelySome Key Points • Recognize obstacles to listening effectively • Lack of training • We think faster than we can talk (sidetracks/spare thinking time) • Thought deconstruction and reconstruction (facts vs. ideas) • Emotional filters • The need to talk • Use your spare thinking time efficiently • Weigh the speaker’s evidence for validity and completeness, without judgment. • Periodically mentally review and summarize the points of the talk thus far. • Listen between the lines; pay attention to non-verbal cues such as facial expression, gestures, and tone of voice. • Hear them out • Boyle principle of listening: “When in doubt, shut up and listen further.” • Consciously consider points contrary to your current position.

34. Listening EffectivelySummary • What to remember? • Stop what you are doing and shift your focus to the speaker. • Don’t plan your response while the person is talking. • Don’t interrupt: You can’t talk and listen at the same time. • Hot Tip: Withhold your evaluation until the speaker is finished. • Related Topics: Networking, Giving Effective Praise, Negotiating, Coping with Difficult People, Confronting Conflict, Being Diplomatic Adapted from The Harvard Business Review on Effective Communication Adapted from Smart Moves Adapted from A Manager’s Guide to Effective Listening

35. Negotiating

36. NegotiatingWhat Is It and Why Is It Important? • What is it? • Engaging in a process by which two or more parties with different needs and goals work to find a mutually acceptable solution in the workplace. • Why is it important? • IEEE acknowledges negotiation skills as a significant determinant of career success. • Given that organizations are becoming • Less hierarchical • Less dependent on positional authority • Less focused on clear boundaries of responsibility and authority it is likely that conflict will be an even greater component of organizations in the future, making negotiation even more important. Adapted from Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In

37. Negotiating Some Key Points • Every negotiation involves two levels that determine its outcome: • A rational decision-making (substantive) process • A psychological (emotional) process • Despite the fact that negotiations occur every day, it is not easy to negotiate. • Understand common tricky tactics in order to counter them: • Deliberate deception: “phony facts,” ambiguous authority, dubious intentions • Psychological warfare: stressful situations, personal attacks, threats • Positional pressure: extreme or escalating demands, refusal to negotiate, calculated delays • Unsuccessful negotiations leave people feeling dissatisfied, worn out, alienated, or all three. Adapted from Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In

38. Negotiating Some Key Points (concluded) • Successful negotiations strive to reach agreement so that everyone wins—neither party should claim victory. • Prepare and use a concrete plan. • Aim for an outcome based on measurable, objective criteria. • Focus on issues, not personalities; separate the people from the problem. • Consider the other party's situation and focus on interests, not positions. • Create viable options for mutual gain. • Use active listening skills—rephrase, ask questions, and then ask some more. • Be aware of both verbal and non-verbal communication. Adapted from Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In

39. NegotiatingSummary • What to remember? • Negotiating is about finding solutions. Arguing is about trying to prove the other person wrong.  • “Negotiation is to make sure that you don't win the battle and lose the war.” • Keep in mind that you may need to work with this person again. • Hot Tip: Orient yourself toward a win-win approach—your attitude going into negotiation plays a huge role in its outcome. • Related Topics: Listening Effectively, Coping with Difficult People, Confronting Conflict, Being Diplomatic

40. Coping with Difficult People

41. Coping with Difficult PeopleWhat Is It? • The ability to identify types of difficult people and determine which strategies to deploy when engaging them in any effort of consequence. • The subject (like the book of the same name) was developed for the “results-driven manager” and others concerned with motivating people around a common idea. • NOTE: This briefing is concerned with difficult people who exhibit the most frustrating or disruptive patterns of behavior, and so does not deal with all types of difficult people. Adapted from Coping With Difficult People

42. Coping with Difficult PeopleWhy Is It Important? • Failure to cope with difficult people wastes time and money. • In the 1980s, management consultant Robert Bramson, Ph.D., empirically surmised that most of his clients spent “more time talking about how to cope with problem employees, bosses, customers, and co-workers than about anything else.” • The need to cope with difficult people is a daily phenomenon requiring the exercise of special skills throughout the workday. Adapted from Coping With Difficult People

43. Coping with Difficult PeopleSome Key Points • Anger in the workplace is more prevalent than it used to be. • In 1992, 47% of—or 19,218—workplace assaults involved hitting, biting, scratching, squeezing, kicking, beating, stabbing, shooting, rapes, and threats of violence. • The National Crime Victimization Survey indicates that for each year between 1987–1992, nearly 1 million persons were assaulted at work or on duty. • The United States averages 20 murdered workers and 18,000 assaulted workers per week. • Additionally, charges of discrimination, harassment, intimidation, and litigation are on the rise. • The Bureau of Labor Statistics, looking at occupational injury deaths, reported 856 workplace homicides in 1997 for both high-risk occupations and office workers. Adapted from Workplace Violence at the Office?, by Chris E. McGoey, CPP, CSP, CAM Adapted from Violence in the Workplace, CDC National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health

44. Coping with Difficult PeopleSome Key Points (concluded) • People considered difficult display certain patterns of behavior that are, for them, the norm rather than the exception. • People often become defensive in situations where they feel both threatened and under pressure. • Difficult people have found that they can gain control over others. • Not necessarily motivated to manipulate others • Mostly unaware of the long-term implications (costs) • Nonetheless, their behavior puts the recipient at a disadvantage • Coping enables you and the difficult person to get on with the business at hand. • Assess the situation • Stop wishing the difficult person were different • Put some distance between you and the difficult behavior • Formulate a coping plan • Implement it • Monitor the effectiveness of your strategy and revise it as needed Adapted from Coping With Difficult People

45. Coping with Difficult PeopleType: Hostile Aggressives Adapted from Coping With Difficult People

46. Coping with Difficult PeopleType: Know-It-All Experts Adapted from Coping With Difficult People

47. Coping with Difficult PeopleTypes: Negativists and Stallers Adapted from Coping With Difficult People

48. Coping with Difficult PeopleTypes: Complainers, Unresponsives, and Super-Agreeables Adapted from Coping With Difficult People

49. Coping with Difficult PeopleSummary • What to remember? • In the world of work, the blows we receive most frequently are psychological, and the deepest wounds we get from them are to: • Our motivations • Our feelings of self-worth • Coping methods work by interfering with the behavior mechanisms that difficult people use to function successfully. • Manage rather than avoid conflicts brought on by difficult people. • Analyze your own actions and reactions to minimize the possibility that you are exacerbating the difficult behavior. • Hot Tip: Remain calm and unemotional during an encounter. • Related Topics: Listening Effectively, Negotiating, Confronting Conflict, Being Diplomatic Adapted from Coping With Difficult People

50. Confronting Conflict