Teen dating violence

1. Teen dating violence February is National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month

2. Teen Dating Violence • Definition: A pattern of controlling, aggressive, and abusive behaviors of one person over another within a romantic relationship. • It can include verbal, emotional, physical, sexual, financial, and digital abuse. • It can be both male and female driven. • It knows no boundaries and crosses all lines of race, socio-economic status, etc. • It can happen to ANYONE!

3. Teen dating violence statistics • Girls and women between ages 16 and 24 experience the highest rate of intimate partner violence. • Teen girls face relationship violence 3 times more than adult women. • 1 in 5 high school girls is physically or sexually hurt by a dating partner. • 1 in 3 teens experience some kind of abuse in their romantic relationships. • 1 in 3 teens reports knowing a friend or peer who has been hit, punched, kicked, slapped, or physically hurt by a partner.

4. Teen dating violent statistics • 45% of teen girls know someone who has been pressured or forced into having intercourse or oral sex. • Nearly 1.5 million high school students report physical dating violence each year. • Only 33% of teens who have been in or known about an abusive dating relationship report having told anyone about it. • 25% of victims say they have been isolated from family or friends. • More than half of victims say they have compromised their own beliefs to please a partner.

5. Teen dating statistics • A third of teens worry about their physical safety. • Many teens think it is normal. • Teens report dating abuse via cell phones is a serious problem. • Cell phone calls and texting means constant control: 1 in 3 teens say they are text messaged 10, 20, 30 times an hour by a partner keeping tabs on them. • 82% of parents whose teens were emailed or text messaged 30 times an hour were not aware of this. • The majority of parents of teen victims are unaware of the abuse.

6. Types of violence • 1. Verbal-name calling, using put downs, accusing, blaming, lying, yelling, accuses you of cheating, threatens to harm or kill you, threatens to commit suicide, says they are the only one that loves you, puts down your friends and family, tells you what to wear, tells you everything is your fault, tells you no one else will ever be interested in you • 2.Emotional-shows jealousy, embarrassing or humiliating you, controlling behavior, keeping tabs on you through frequent phone calls/emails/instant messaging, breaks your possessions, smashes things, destroys property, causes isolation by keeping you from spending time with others, tries to keep you from working or controls where you work, stalking

7. Types of violence (continued) • 3. Physical-hitting, slapping, biting, squeezing, punching, kicking, choking, pushing, shoving, shaking, twisting your arm, grabbing, pulling hair, spitting, burning, trapping you, hiding your car keys or money or sabotaging your car to keep you from leaving • 4. Sexual- forcing you to have sex against your will, rape, unwanted rough or violent sex, not letting someone use birth control (they intentionally try to get you pregnant so you are tied to them for years)

8. Types of violence(continued) • 5. Financial- if the victim has a charge card, the abuser may tell the victim to put their name on it and they will run high bills making the victim responsible for payment, making the victim pay for other things as well

9. What about digital abuse? • Digital abuse is when someone uses digital technology as a weapon to hurt someone else. • Using technology to spy on, harass, or embarrass a partner in social communities can be a powerful abuse tactic in any relationship • Examples: • Calling/emailing/texting the victim to “check up” on him or her, • Checking the target’s missed calls, emails, voicemail and text messages to see who he or she been communicating with. • Deleting “friends” on social networks. • Accessing the target’s Facebook/MySpace page and posing as or altering his or her online profile.

10. Digital abuse (continued) • Calling or sending unwanted emails or texts that are threatening in tone. • Sending unwanted emails or texts that are sexual in nature (sexual harassment) • Stealing or breaking digital devices (laptops, phones, etc) with the intent to harass or intimidate. • Directing threatening calls, emails, or texts to any friends or family members of the target. • “Ganging up” on the target by having friends send threatening calls, emails, or texts to the target. • Using camera phones to take unwanted pictures of the target and then using those photos as a form of blackmail/intimidation, sharing these photos on social networking sites, etc.

11. Review • Questions 1-4 should be answered on your paper at this time • Let’s review those questions now…

12. Recap • What are some of the characteristics of the healthy relationship wheel? • What are some characteristics of the unhealthy relationship wheel? • What are examples of some of the gender stereotypes we discussed?

13. Cycle of abuse • There are 3 stages in the cycle of abuse • Stage 1: Honeymoon Stage-relationship starts out with romance, flowers, lots of compliments and attention, says “I love you” early on, comes on strong, quick involvement; after abuse apologizes, makes excuses • Stage 2: Tension Building Stage-tension builds, arguments, emotional and psychological abuse, criticism, name-calling, yells at victim for no reason, victim feels they can’t do anything right, threats, intimidation, may be minor physical abuse, victim fearful

14. Cycle of abuse (continued) • Stage 3: Acute Battering Stage- worst abuse, verbal, physical, sexual violence, leaving victim wounded physically and psychologically This cycle becomes a powerful force destroying the victim, making it even more difficult for them to escape the cycle. In fact, victims leave and return to a relationship an average of seven times, before leaving for good. And many victims never leave, remaining in the relationship and enduring years of abuse.

15. Warning signs of abusive relationships • Controlling behavior-one person completely rules the relationship and makes the decisions. • Extreme jealousy-jealousy is a sign of insecurity and lack of trust, but the abuser will say that it is a sign of love. • Quick involvement-abuser comes on very strong and claims “Love at first sight” or “You’re the only person I could ever talk to” or “I never met anyone like you before” • Unrealistic expectations-abusers expect “perfection” from the victim

16. Warning signs of abusive relationships (continued) • Isolation-abuser tries to keep victim from family, friends, school, and/or work • Blames others for their problems and feelings-abuser blames others (usually victim) for almost everything • Hypersensitivity-abuser is easily insulted and takes everything as a personal attack • Cruelty to animals or children-may be insensitive to their pain • Verbal abuse-abuser says cruel or harmful things to victim (degrades them, curses at them, puts them down, name calls)

17. Warning signs of abusive relationships • Rigid sex roles-abuser believes in rigid gender roles and sees the other gender as inferior to their own. • Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde-one minute they can be sweet and charming and the next minute they become angry and explosive. • Past battering-abuser has a past history of battering past partners and although they admit to it, they say their previous partners provoked them to do it.

18. Warning signs of abusive relationships (continued) • Threats of violence- “I’ll kill you”, “I’ll break your neck”, “If you ever leave, I’ll kill you” • Breaking or striking objects-used to terrorize the victim and frighten them. • Any force during an argument-abuser may kick, pinch, hit, punch, choke, hold the victim down, restrain them from leaving the room, push, shove, or hold them against a wall.

19. Effects on the victim • Loss of appetite, eating disorders • Weight loss • Headaches, nervous, anxious • Bruises, broken bones • Self-blame, guilt, shame • Confusion • Mistrust of self and others • Feelings of worthlessness, low self-esteem • Sadness, Depression • Suicidal • Fear • Terror • Death

20. Barriers to leaving • Love-part of them still loves the abuser, they see the “good” in the abuser • Hope-they believe the abuser will change or that they can change them • Fear-the number one reason why victims don’t leave is they fear for their lives • Embarrassment, humiliation, shame • Lack of support- financial, emotional • Lack of self-esteem and confidence-they don’t think they can make it on their own • Lack of knowledge-they aren’t aware of what a “healthy/unhealthy” relationship is • Lack of knowledge-they aren’t aware of community resources available that could help them

21. review • Questions 5,6, and 7 should be answered on your paper at this time. • Let’s review those questions now…

22. RecaP • What are the 3 stages of the cycle of abuse? • What are some warning signs of abusive relationships? • What are effects a victim of abuse feels? • What are some examples of why it is hard for a victim to leave a relationship?

23. How do you help a friend who is being abused? • Do’s • Do: Assure confidentiality, let victim know if you must report • Do: Be understanding, non-blaming, honest • Do: Listen and validate feelings • Do: Acknowledge the abuse, show concern • Do: Ask questions • Do: Remind them of their strengths, compliment them • Do: Assess for danger

24. How do you help a friend who is being abused? (continued) • Do: Express concern • Do: Offer help, refer to school social worker, guidance, administrator • Do: Share information about dynamics of abusive relationships • Do: Support their decisions, be patient, and stand by them as long as it takes • Do: Provide information (websites, hotlines) • Do: Remember that the most dangerous time for a victim is right after they leave the relationship. The victim needs to have and follow a safety plan.

25. How do you help a friend who is being abused? • DON’TS • Don’t: Pressure • Don’t: Judge or Blame • Don’t: Assume victim wants to leave relationship • Don’t: Place conditions on your support • Don’t: Put down the abuser • Don’t: Talk to victim and abuser together

26. Video clip

27. What can you do to get help if you are in an abusive relationship? • Talk to someone-Guidance counselor, resource officer, school social worker, • Call for help- locally Safespace Domestic Services (772) 569-7233 or nationally 1-800-799-SAFE • Online help- www.loveisnotabuse.com, www.loveisrespect.org, www.labmf.org • Books- Saving Beauty from the Beast, Breathing Underwater, Dreamland

28. Whose responsibility is it to help if someone is in an abusive relationship? • The victim • Family • Friends • Teachers • Guidance Counselors • Coaches • Mentors • IT IS EVERYONE’S RESPONSIBILITY!!!

29. Reflection question • Now that you have been made aware of Teen Dating Violence, how will this help you in future relationships? Please write a four to five sentence response.

30. review • Questions 8,9,10, and 11 should be answered on your paper at this time. • Let’s review those questions now…