Demonstrating Effective Communication And Listening Skills

1. Demonstrating Effective CommunicationAnd Listening Skills The Ohio State UniversityAna C. Berríos-Allison, LPC., Ph.D.614-688-3898 * berrios.7@osu.edu Fine a partner and define who will be “A” and who will be “B”

2. How did you define it? • Relationships are defined even if we don’t want to • Sometimes we define them: You are A – therefore…. • Sometimes they are defined for us: Would you like to be B? Do you have a preference? Chance? • We send a message, intentional or not, about our boundaries: permissive, imposing, clear, open…

3. Knowing Boundaries: Informs type of conversations • Personal: They demand the creation of trusting relationships where people can share their personal life and relationships. • Informational: They are more impersonal and have a specific result in mind. We need information about a specific topic. • Meetings: Broad spectrum, from formal Roberts Rules of Order to casual leaderless groups. Each profession and interest group develops its own internal codes and jargon

4. “A” say name of “B” in different tones of voice. “B” with your eyes closed affirm if you like it and negate it if you don’t. (Exchange)

5. How was this listening experience like for you? • How did you feel when your name was affirming? When it wasn’t? • What can you conclude about the person saying your name? • Firm and soft tones, what do they mean?

6. Listening in the Workplace • Creates acceptance and openness (people feel valued, respected, appreciated) • Promotes safety, decreases the amount of injuries, fatalities, and loss of production • Leads to learning • Reduces stress and tension • Minimizes confusion and misunderstanding • Is CRUCIAL for conflict resolution • Helps make better decisions and policies • Provides opportunity for speakers to listen to their own message

7. “A” think about something you really enjoy doing and communicate it to “B”. “B” make every effort to interrupt and/or not to listen to “A”. (Exchange)

8. What behaviors did you observed? • Was anything said? • What were your thoughts? • How were you feeling?

9. Barriers to Listening • Thoughts are somewhere else • Assumptions about what will be said next (filters) • Emotional response distracts you from listening • Thinking about what to say next

10. Communication Barriers • Negative remarks: “that’s nothing” vs “you sound very concerned” • Accusations: “you should know better” vs “help me to understand” • Assumptions: “I know exactly how you feel” vs “Am I missing something”? “Is this really true”? • Advice: “you should” vs “something that worked for me in the past”

11. Communication Barriers • Clichés: “Hang in there” vs “it sounds serious” • Judging: “this is terrible” vs “it sounds like it was difficult” • Defenses: “No” vs “I’ll consider what you said”; “that’s an interesting way to think about it”’ “I can see how much this means to you”

12. ”A” think about anything/anybody that is of real value to you. It is so important that you will not give it, trade it, sell it, and/or lease it. Do not tell “B” what it is. “B” try to convince “A” to give it to you. (Exchange)

13. What tactics were used? • How does it feel to ask? to share? • Would you be willing to share it?

14. Attending Skills • Creates a welcoming environment, physical space • Pays attention to non-verbal: Open posture (what’s the cost then?) • Maintains eye contact –cultural sensitive • Remains relaxed

15. Following Skills • Try “door opening” statements: Tell me more • Do not interrupt: Do not fill in words or complete sentences • Encourage the speaker to tell their own message • Allow time for silence- allows the speakers to reflect and keep on talking (3 or 4 seconds)

16. Take a look: • At the six letters that spell: L-I-S-T-E-N • S • I • L • E • N • T Silence is embedded in Listening

17. Reflective Skills • Paraphrase: restate the speaker’s message using your own language • Reflecting feelings: Restate your perception of the emotion • Clarifying: Attempts to understand- “what I heard was..” • Focusing: summative reflections

18. Let’s test your skills…Executive Blueprint Inc Active Listening This project has been a complete disaster. All of the managers loved to listen to the sound of their own voices. As a result, we spent months talking about how we got into the situation and what needed to be done, rather than working on a fix. We needed to have something in place several weeks ago, and now we will never make our budget. They will probably hold me accountable, but I can’t do anything about management Paraphrase: So, now you are behind schedule and over budget Reflection: You feel personal pressure and frustration from this situation Focusing: What are your options to move forward in this situation? Clarifying: Are you saying that you see potential for a challenging situation?

19. What is Active Listening? Listening is more than hearing words; it encompasses our minds, ears, eyes, undivided attention, and heart It is a skill that can be learned

20. Did you know? • The more we understand, the less we fear • The less we fear, the more we risk • The more we risk, the more we trust • The more we trust, the more we can be ourselves

21. Let’s test your skills… I.e. Amanda(a junior cook) puts an extra two eggs into a cake because the customer specifically asked for it, thechef finds out and thinks Amanda did it for no reason. Then thechef raises his concern with the head chief saying that Amanda does not follow recipes and is not a team player. What actually happened here is called fundamental attributionerror or correspondence bias. Thechef simply did not ask Amanda “why” she put the extra eggs into the cake and assumed facts made up by his own cognitive bias. Maybe theChef did not like Amanda or because Amanda was actually an excellent junior cook and that thechef did not like someone being a threat, particularly a female. It could also simply mean that communication amongst the team is not strong or open. As I said, there could be many reasons why Positions of Misunderstanding occur

22. Cross-Cultural Communication UK & USA • O.K Japan • Money Russia • Zero Brazil • Insult

23. Groups… • What did you eat last night? • What’s your favorite animal? • How much would you like to make? • A favorite place you would like to visit • If you can meet the person you admire the most, who would it be?

24. What do these words share in common? • Hear • Learn • Tear • Year • Fear • Heart Let’s be “Ear- responsible”