KNOTS

1. KNOTS There is something I don’t know that I am supposed to know. I don’t know what it is I don’t know, and yet am supposed to know, and I feel I look stupid if I seem not to know and not to know what it is I don’t know. Therefore I pretend I know it. This is nerve wracking since I don’t know what I must pretend to know. Therefore I pretend to know everything. I feel you know what I am supposed to know but you can’t tell me what it is because you don’t know that I don’t know what it is. You may know what I don’t know, but not that I don’t know it, and I can’t tell you. So you will have to tell me everything. R D Laing

2. Autobiography in Five Short Chapters CHAPTER THREE I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I fall in . . .it is a habit . . but My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately. CHAPTER FOUR I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. CHAPTER FIVE I walk down a different street. CHAPTER ONE I walk down the street, There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost . . . I am helpless It isn’t my fault It takes forever to find a way out. CHAPTER TWO I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I do not see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I am in this same place. But it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out. 1993 Portia Nelson From There’s a Hole in the Sidewalk Beyond words Publishing, Inc

3. FORMING entering the space / working out how to act FORMING Concerns and actions - reserved, needing to be led, wanting direction, expecting to be told

4. Facilitator as Leader • Regardless of how we facilitate • participants enter the learning space ASSUMING that we know and they don’t • Confusion and disappointment emerges if this is not how we operate • They are being disturbed from a state of comfortable dependence • Psychological dependence is neither good nor bad in itself • However - excessive dependence places a serious [and unnecessary] burden on the leader

5. Wilfred Bion The two groups present when we meet • TASK group • Focus on work • Agendas • Discuss tasks • ‘Rational’ decision making • Goal (outcome) oriented • BASIC ASSUMPTION Group • Trust • Expectations • Concerns • Leader as the ‘goal’ • Feelings

6. Three Basic Assumption States • Dependency Group • Members do whatthey are told with a sense of comforteven complacency • Fight/Flight • When there is no recognized leader, fearemerges. Members enact this fear by • fightingfor control of the group or leaving (flight) • Pairing • The development of the group is frozen by a hope of being rescued by two members who will pair off and somehow create an unborn leader

7. “Black Hole” events • For me – • The trigger is usually a point in a workshop/program where I am working with material I am passionate about • I am ‘in full flight’ – engaged, excited, wishing to convey my enthusiasm • Someone begins to ask about matters of ‘fact’ which appear to me as a ‘challenge’ • I respond • They respond • And we being ‘disappearing’ into a debate that holds everyone’s attention and loses purpose and focus