Revisiting the Mr. Underhill Chunk

1. Revisiting the Mr. Underhill Chunk

2. The Prompt • Finish the paragraph that begins with this TS “Mr Underhill endures several difficulties during his struggle to conceal his true identity.” Be sure to focus on how Mr. Underhill struggles and what you learn about him because of this struggle. That means describe his character, personality, and the nature of his struggle in your CM’s.

3. Common Problems • Problems with your 2nd transition to begin sentence #5 in the paragraph. • It should begin with In addition, but you had weak transitions like: • Another example is • Also, • For instance, • For example, OR NO TRANSITIONS AT ALL!

4. Problems with Lead-ins/CDs • What are lead-ins supposed to do? Provide context for the quote Finish the sentence you’re beginning What did they do? - They tried unsuccessfully to pick more than one specific moment.

5. Here are some CDs that worked In addition, while Mr. Underhill departed from his cave to attend to some business, “some of the village children, teased by that locked cave, poked and pried and made raids” until they heard “what a huge hooting howling hissing horrible bellow that little fat man could make” (498). You don’t need to put the ( ) doc in the sentence twice because both quotes come from the same page. This also was okay because the two quotes come from the same moment in the book. You guys tried to force two completely different CDs into the same sentence. It didn’t work. And you don’t have to even have 2 qts. in one sentence; I was just showing options for more sophistication.

6. Problems with CMs • They had nothing to do with your CDs. Why choose that quote if you’re not going to write about it? • They were generic or simply retold plot events. You don’t need to translate your CD in your CMs; you should develop the idea and tell me something THAT quote reveals in terms of Mr. Underhill and his situation, as it relates to the TS.

7. Here are some CMs that work • (after the roar of wrath quote)The village youngsters view him as only a helpless, fragile magician whom they can bother by disturbing his privacy. Though he would naturally devour these kids, Mr. Underhill must learn to live cautiously and never let his guard down, revealing his immense patience and willpower. Or Guarding the treasure in his cave is more important to him than the endless frustration and inconvenience that comes with that task.

8. Problems with CSs The number one problem is redundancy. You simply rearranged the words of your TS. Don’t. They are supposed to provide new insights and draw conclusions about his overall situation. The best way to show this is through good examples. So…

9. In order for Mr Underhill to keep the Pendorian riches for himself, he must make difficult sacrifices, even if it means privately shaming himself by living as a low-grade conjurer on an insignificant, secluded island separated by the great expanse of the sea. Although Mr. Underhill can change his appearance to look like a human, he cannot erase his true instincts or the troubles that accompany them. While Mr. Underhill is capable of changing his appearance, he will never forget who he really is.

10. A final word about random mistakes • People still used contractions (didn’t), the 1st person (we can see that) and lots of no-no words and phrases (it is clear that…this illustrates that) Stop it. • Also check the grammar issues with leading into your quotes. I saw several run-on sentences/comma splices.