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COMMUNICATION. Your communication is a combination of:. WORDS YOU SAY (verbal) 7% YOUR TONE OF VOICE (verbal) 38% YOUR BODY LANGUAGE (non verbal) 55%. VERBAL COMMUNICATION :. Tone of voice The words you choose How loud or soft you talk, fast or slow
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Your communication is a combination of: • WORDS YOU SAY (verbal) 7% • YOUR TONE OF VOICE (verbal) 38% • YOUR BODY LANGUAGE (non verbal) 55%
VERBAL COMMUNICATION: • Tone of voice • The words you choose • How loud or soft you talk, fast or slow • Vocabulary you choose: big words, slang, etc.
NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION: • Gestures • Expressions: smiles, frowns • Eye contact • Eye brows • Hand motions • Posture
Commercial Example • Cingular - Mother Love - YouTube
You tube examples… YouTube - Nonverbal Communication
Can you guess the nonverbal body language the faces below are communicating?
Verbal LISTENING: Verbally involved in the conversation: Asking Questions… Commenting… Responding verbally… “What happened next? . .” “You must have felt . .” “I see. . “ “Tell me more . .” “Really? . .”
Non Verbal LISTENING: • Non-verbally involved in the conversation: • Nodding • Leaning forward to listen • Facial expressions of interest and/or concern • Smiles • Good eye contact
DOOR OPENERS: • Statements that open up the conversation and encourage the person to continue talking: • “What happened next?” • “Tell me more” • “How did you feel?”
DOOR SLAMMER: • Statements that quickly end a conversation. Most of the time they are rude comments. • “That’s stupid” • “That will never work” • “ Who cares” • “Are you done yet” • Changing the subject to you • interrupting
PASSIVE • Gives in • Doesn’t say how they feel • Hopes people will guess how they feel • Makes apologies all the time • Holds anger inside • Doesn’t stand up for themselves • Gives in to Peer Pressure
AGGRESSIVE: • Critical of others • Wants their own way • Blames other people for their problems • Uses “You Messages” • Yells • Overreacts to situations and gets defensive
Passive-Aggressive Will often: - mutter to themselves rather than confront the person or issue - have difficulty acknowledging their anger - use facial expressions that don't match how they feel - i.e., smiling when angry - use sarcasm - deny there is a problem - appear cooperative while purposely doing things to annoy and disrupt - use subtle sabotage to get even
ASSERTIVE: • Uses “I –Messages” • Able to compromise • Confident in themselves • Respects other’s views • Uses good eye contact • Honest about how they feel • Doesn’t give in to Peer Pressure
YOU-MESSAGES • Blame the other person • Make the problem worse • No compromise • Makes the relationship worse You are such a slob! You don't ever listen to me. You never take out the garbage!!
I-MESSAGES: • Focus on feelings • Find a compromise • Respect people • Does not hurt the relationship
Ways to use “I” messages: • I FEEL ___________ WHEN YOU __________ I NEED YOU TO____________________. • I FEEL ___________ WHEN YOU ___________ BECAUSE ________________ .
Some better examples of “I Messages”… • I feel HURT when you FORGET TO CALL I need you to CALL WHEN YOU SAY YOU WILL. OR • I feel SAD when you FORGET TO CALL because IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I DON’T MATTER TO YOU.
More Sample I Messages… • I feel frustrated when you don’t let me stay out past 11:00pm, I need you to trust me and let me show you that I can handle it. • I feel insulted when you make fun of my clothes because I like the new style and besides who really cares what you wear. • I feel annoyed when you take my sweater and wear it without asking me first, I need you to ask first.
On your own - complete the “you statements” page in your packet – turn each “you statement” into a good “I statement” that would better get the message across. • With A Partner – write how a person would deal with a situation – passively, aggressively and assertively – include an I message for the assertive solution.