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In our first lesson, we looked at four foundations for shepherding children:

Shepherding Children – Review of the Goal of Shepherding. In our first lesson, we looked at four foundations for shepherding children:. Your/the Parents ’ Relationship with God. The Source of Truth. A Child ’ s Nature. A Shepherd ’ s Goal. Shepherding Children – The Heart of a Child.

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In our first lesson, we looked at four foundations for shepherding children:

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  1. Shepherding Children – Review of the Goal of Shepherding In our first lesson, we looked at four foundations for shepherding children: Your/the Parents’ Relationship with God The Source of Truth A Child’s Nature A Shepherd’s Goal

  2. Shepherding Children – The Heart of a Child Last lesson: The Goal of Shepherding. This lesson: The Heart of a Child—where we start talking about specific steps and understanding how to reach the goal of parenting. Let’s start with an unruly child. This is Samuel. Samuel does not want to go into his Sunday School class. He refuses to listen to his mom and pulls away when she takes his arm. “No, don’t touch me!” he yells. He dodges his mom when she reaches for him again. As bad as this is, mere compliance is not the goal. The goal is to reach Samuel’s heart and to start helping him to see why he does what he does and why he wants what he wants. We do this so that Samuel can start recognizing his need for a Savior. Only then can we start affecting real meaningful change in Samuel’s life. So how do we do this?

  3. I. Getting to the Heart of a Child What should the parent or teacher do? -sit the child down and lecture the child? -brush it off as “just a passing stage”? -work backwards from behavior and try to understand what is going on inside a child’s heart? There are questions that need to be asked. What was going on? What were you thinking and feeling? What did you do in response? Why did you do it and what were you seeking? What was the result? Our Creator, Who understands shepherding and understands children better than anyone, says that actions come from the heart.

  4. I. Getting to the Heart of a Child • The need to get to the heart. What are you trying to achieve as you shepherd? • 1 Samuel 16:7 • 7 But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.” Friends Experiences Obedience Grades / Test Scores Unique Talents Beauty Athletics Clothes Music Physical Strength Manners / Social Skills

  5. I. Getting to the Heart of a Child • The need to get to the heart • Mark 7:21-22 • 21 For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, 22 coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. 23 All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.” thoughts, attitudes, emotions, motivations, will, conscience, mind evil thoughts sexual immoral-ity theft murder coveting adultery Wicked-ness deceit sensuality envy slander pride Foolish-ness.

  6. I. Getting to the Heart of a Child • The need to get to the heart • 1 Corinthians 4:5 • 5 Therefore do not pronounce judgment before the time, before the Lord comes, who will bring to light the things now hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of the heart. Then each one will receive his commendation from God. • Determining the underlying desires will help to know the appropriate teaching for the situation. Learning to deal with “heart issues”and behavior has a more long-term effect on the child. Simply dealing with the behavior alone is a temporary solution.Much of counseling for children involves addressing behavior only.

  7. I. Getting to the Heart of a Child • B. Our Lord’s attitude about the heart • Matthew 15:7-8 • You hypocrites! Well did Isaiah prophesy of you, when he said: “‘This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me; • Matthew 23:27 • “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness. • “Superficial parenting that never addresses the heart biblically produces superficial children who do not understand what makes them tick. They must be taught how to understand their behavior in terms of heart motivation.” Ted Tripp

  8. I. Getting to the Heart of a Child • B. Our Lord’s attitude about the heart • Mark 7:21-22 • 21 For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, 22 coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. • 23 All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person. • Heart Questions by Paul Tripp (This takes time!) • What was going on? • What were you thinking and feeling while it was happening? • What did you do in response? • Why did you do it? What were you seeking? (the goal) • What was the result? Did you get what you wanted?

  9. I. Getting to the Heart of a Child • B. Our Lord’s attitude about the heart All of a child’s responses can either be toward God or away from God. Every act is a form of worship. Either we are worshipping ourselves (or an idol of our choosing), or God. God’s Word along with the Holy Spirit expose this and make it evident.

  10. I. Getting to the Heart of a Child • Our heart is like a throne. We are going to let something rule our hearts. It will either be our desires or it will be God. We will either please God or we will please our self. God does not tempt us, but rather we are lured by what we chose to rule our hearts. We do what we do, because we want what we want. James 1:13-15; 4:1-10 My Desire GOD Pleasing God Pleasing Self • How does a child respond when he/she doesn’t get it (i.e. the desire)? • Is the child willing to sin in order to get it (i.e. the desire)?

  11. I. Getting to the Heart of a Child • Example : Johnny has been told that he is to always make his bed before breakfast. Today, Mom discovers that Johnny’s bed has not been made. • Mom thinks, “Is it laziness? Is it rebellion? Is it due to distraction by some desired pleasure? Do I have all the facts?” • One act of disobedience can be the result of varying different heart issues. • It is critical to determine the heart issue and not just focus on getting the task done.

  12. I. Getting to the Heart of a Child • How would the idol be different in the following scenarios? • “It’s too hard to get the wrinkles out.” • “I’m sick of cleaning my room. Jenny doesn’t have to make her bed.” • “Dad asked me to help him in the basement with the leaking pipes, right away.” • “I’ll get to it--can I just finish this level on my game?” • Discipline would be appropriate but how we counsel him will vary depending on the heart issue. • We need to help him see how his desires lead him to do wrong and expose the idol of his heart/what he is worshiping.

  13. II. A Home that Helps to Shape the Heart • A. Loving God first • Matthew 22:37-38 • 37 And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. • Matthew 6:33 • 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. My Children GOD Pleasing God “God Centered” Pleasing My Children “Child Centered”

  14. II. A Home that Helps to Shape the Heart • Following God’s plan for the family • Genesis 2:24 • 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. • The marriage is permanent--the parenting is temporary • God was the head of the family, Adam was the head of Eve, and they two would have authority over their children. As a child grows up and gets married, he or she establishes a new and separate and permanent relationship with that spouse

  15. A Home that Helps to Shape the Heart Lou Priolo

  16. III. Applications • Grandparents may joke about “spoiling” the grandchildren. In what ways might a grandparent be training a child to be self-centered, in a sense “sabotaging” the parents? • In homes where there has been a divorce, and custody issues exist, consistent discipline between the two homes is desperately needed. Look over the characteristics of a child centered-home and decide which of those problems are likely to show up in this situation. • What characteristics of the child centered home do you notice in your family? • What changes do you need to make in your home to become more God centered? • As a parent finds areas that need improvement and implements changes in the home, it would be wise to explain to the children that he/she (the parent) was previously wrong to allow these behaviors and habits to develop. This can be true of a children’s ministry leader, too. • A parent will also need to communicate to the children that it is his/her (the parents) desire to please God by making these changes in the home. A parent would then need to ask forgiveness and model to the children his/her submission as a parent to God’s Word. Again, this can also be true of a children’s ministry leader, too. • Two Resources

  17. Christ-like Qualities

  18. Idol -James 4:1 Purpose -2 Cor 5:9 Discipline -Heb 12:6 Forgiveness -Rom 3:23-24

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