Relationships & Active Listening Skills

1. Relationships & Active Listening Skills Healthy versus Unhealthy

3. 1) Most teens do not get along with their parents. • MYTH- Most teens report that they get along okay with their families. The media tends to portray teens as very disrespectful and parents as being totally out of touch with reality. Friends tend to talk to each other about the problems they are having at home, but typically don’t talk about average times because it is boring!

4. 2)What people want in friend and dating relationships often changes during adolescence. • FACT: Adolescence is the stage where people spend a lot of time thinking about the kind of adults they want to be. As teens, they become much more critical of ideas and opinions and challenge some of the things they have previously accepted.

5. 3) Teens who grow up in families where there is violence will be violent adults. • MYTH- Teens who witness violence are at a greater risk for experiencing violent relationships as adults. However, young people have choices.

6. 4) Relationship skills can be taught the same way basketball skills or math can be taught. • FACT- Teens and adults who learn skills for relationships, communication and problem solving are more effective in getting what they want in relationships in respectful ways. They feel more confident and happy about their relationships.

7. 5) If one of my friends chooses to be in an abusive relationship, there is nothing I can do to help him or her. • MYTH- More people are starting to realize that what you say and do does matter, even if you are not involved in the relationship.

8. 6) Use of alcohol and/or drugs causes violence • MYTH- It is often associated with violent incidents, it is not an excuse for violence. The choice to use drugs or alcohol does not mean that you are not responsible for your behaviour.

9. 7) Excluding someone from a group or spreading rumours about that person can be as harmful as physical violence. • FACT- Many teens have reported that the daily psychological abuse of this type has long lasting effects and can be worse than physical violence.

10. 8) Teens in gay/lesbian relationships face the same kinds of issues as teens in heterosexual relationships • FACT- These issues are no different that heterosexual teens face.

11. 9) Bullying usually happens when someone abuses his/her power over someone else. • FACT- There is a power imbalance that exists between the people. It is know as bullying when it is seen as a repeated behaviour. With bullying there is intent to harm the other person.

12. 10) Bullying is mainly something that happens in elementary school. • MYTH- Often a person who is a bully when they are younger will continue on to abuse their dating partner when they get into a relationship.

13. 11) Bullying is usually something done by males • MYTH- Females bully equally. Females often engage more in social bullying than males.

14. A Healthy Friendship/Relationship Looks like, Sounds like, Feels like…

15. A Healthy Relationship Looks like…. • Smiling • Fun • Doing things together but also apart • Having own interests • Independent • Not always alone together • Equality • Respectful

16. A Healthy Relationship Sounds like…. • Laughter • Positive, supportive comments • Encouraging • Close friends

17. A Healthy Relationship Feels like… • Content • Trusted and trustworthy • Within comfort zone • Respected • Independent • Cared for • Own interests and needs are being met

18. An Unhealthy Friendship/Relationship Looks like… • Scared • Depressed • Always fighting • Unhappy • Controlling • Jealousy • No other friends • Dependent on each other • Do everything together • Own interests are not being met

19. An Unhealthy Relationship Sounds like… • Arguments • Crying • Anger • Pain • Sadness • Complaints • Silence

20. An Unhealthy Relationship Feels like… • Empty • Scared • Sad • Hopeless • Controlled • Isolated • Hurt

21. Rights and Responsibilities of a Friendship/Relationship • You have certain rights but you also have responsibilities for your actions. Complete the following chart by outlining some of the rights and responsibilities involved being in a friendship/relationship. • For example: In a friendship/relationship, I have the RIGHT to state my opinion. In a friendship/relationship, I have the RESPONSIBILTY to respect the opinion of others.

22. Active Listening Skills • Get into a group of 3. One person will be the speaker, one will be the active listener, and the third person will be the recorder/observer. • The speaker will speak for 30 sec about one of the topics below. The active listener will try to actively listen using good body language and will then try to summarize what is being said for 20 seconds. The person observing will watch for good active listening skills and will have the opportunity to give feedback to the speaker at the end. • TOPICS • Talk about what you would do if you won a million dollars • Talk about a movie that you have seen recently

23. Let`s See how we score… http://highered.mcgraw-hill.com/sites/0070876940/student_view0/chapter11/activity_11_6.html

24. Ten Steps to Effective Listening • Listen to learn • Face the speaker and maintain eye contact and be attentive. • Truly listen to the speaker’s words and try to picture what he/she is saying. • Keep an open mind. • Don’t interrupt. • Wait for the speaker to pause to ask clarifying questions. • Ask questions only to ensure understanding of something that has been said. • Try to walk in the speakers shoes and feel what the speaker is feeling. • Give the speaker regular feedback by showing your interest (nodding, smiling). • Listen to learn!

25. A Poor Listener… • poor body language with little to no eye contact • tends to interrupt or push slow speakers • tunes out speaker when subject is dry • distracted easily • is over stimulated, tends to seek and enter into arguments • inexperienced in listening to difficult material; has usually sought light, recreational materials • lets deaf spots or blind words catch his or her attention • shows no energy output • judges delivery -- tunes out • MULTI-TASKS