FACTORS LEADING TO INTIMACY

1. FACTORS LEADING TO INTIMACY Psychologists Kersten and Kersten believe that there are certain prerequisites to developing intimate relationships.

2. These prerequisites are: • Individual Prerequisites • Interactive factors • Situational factors

3. INDIVIDUALPREREQUISITES • Self-concept: • Trust: • Realistic perceptions: • Equality:

4. Interdependence Exclusivity Other interactive factors that would increase intimacy: Non-hurtful conflict resolution Forgive/admit mistakes Empathy Companionship Playfulness INTERACTIVE FACTORS

5. SITUATIONAL FACTORS • Intimacy requires time and space. • People are socialized to behave and expect behaviours that follow social norms. • Family plays a critical role in determining how people handle adult intimate relationships through: • Role Models • The Looking-glass Self. Parents may create/reinforce high or low self esteem, warm/aloof behaviour, etc.

6. Impediments to Intimacy • Low self-esteem: try to make others feel inadequate avoid disclosure for fear of rejection

7. L-O-V-E

8. Consider the following statements: • I love my parents • My parents love me • I loved Ashton Kutcher in that movie • I love music / flowers / that book • I love your haircut!

9. Types of Love The Greeks had three different words for love to differentiate what we in English cannot. • Agape: A spiritual type of love, self sacrificing, non-demanding. A type of ‘motherly’ love. • Philos: Was more an earthly love, that of deep affection between close friends or siblings. • Eros: Was used to refer to love in a physical or sexual way.

10. The “Passion Cluster” Psychologist Davis (1985)claims there are 3 characteristics which differentiate love relationships and intimate friendships. • FASCINATION • EXCLUSIVENESS • SEXUAL DESIRE These are all higher in love relationships. Interestingly, his studies also showed that there was a lower level of acceptance of the other’s behaviour between spouses or lovers than between friends, indicating that people tend to criticize a partner more readily than a friend.

11. The Love Triangle Theory-By Robert Sternberg • The theory characterizes love within the context of interpersonal relationships by three different components: • Intimacy – Which encompasses feelings of closeness, connectedness, and bondedness. • Passion – Which encompasses drives that lead to romance, physical attraction, and sexual consummation. • Commitment – Which encompasses, in the short term, the decision to remain with another, and in the long term, the shared achievements and plans made with that other. Intimacy Intimacy Passion Commitment Passion Commitment

12. The “type” of love one experiences depends on their strengths relative to each other. • Different stages and types of love can be explained as different combinations of these three elements. • For example, the relative emphasis of each component changes over time as an adult romantic relationship develops. A relationship based on a single element is less likely to survive than one based on two or three elements.

13. Sternberg feels that every relationship involves several triangles: • How it really is • The ideal • The perceived (how you think your partner sees it) • Satisfaction is greatest where all triangles are similar.

14. Time for: The Love Quiz…. As developed by U of T sociologist Lee (1988)