Positive Guidance and Discipline

1. Positive Guidance and Discipline Graffiti scenario Spilled milk

2. “OK, here are your options: jump and discover the joy of flight, or don’t jump and I kick your butt out of the tree. • Scaring and threatening • is NOT discipline. • - Discipline is teaching, training, • and guiding. • The goal is to train a child who can self-control, self-discipline, • and self-guide • even when you are not around.

3. Positive Guidance Suggestions: 6. Consistencyis the key to guidance. It helps children feel secure. 3. Discipline should be relevant to the misbehavior 2. Attention is a powerful reinforcer to guide children: they often misbehave for attention 5. Children may rebelwhen parents punish rather than discipline 7. Respond to aggressive behavior in non-aggressive ways 4. Positive Modeling: is a very effective way to teach children desired behavior 1. Children feel safe and secure when they haveLimits. These help a child gain self-control

4. More Positive Guidance Suggestions: 11. Give reasons along with rules to help them learn why. 9. Follow throughwith your requests. Do not make threats. 8. Use routines to help children know what to expect and how to manage their behavior. 12. Treat children as responsible adults. Children become what you believe they are 10. Focus on their good behavior. 13. The purpose of discipline is to learn self-control NOT obedience. This is the ultimate goal of positive guidance.

5. 14. Make sure the message of LOVE always gets through: warmth humor

6. Types of Guidance Techniques Marble tunnel

7. Logical Consequences: should be relevant to the misbehavior Imposed by the caregiver to make the punishment fit the crime. Short in duration, not imposed in anger, provide opportunities for children to learn from their behavior Example: If Sally spills the paint, she must clean up the mess that is made Natural Consequences: occur without interference, child can see the result of their choices Cannot be used if the consequence will cause harm to self, others or property, or too far in the future. Example: If Billy leaves his bike out, it will get stolen. 1. Natural and Logical Consequences

8. 2. Reverse Attention • Ignoring the negative, reinforcing the positive • Whena child’s behavior is inappropriate, focus on a child who is displaying the appropriate behavior and make a positive comment • If the first child changes his behavior, he should be immediately reinforced with a positive statement.

9. 3. Redirection • Children can be easily distracted. Get him to focus on something else. • Substitute acceptable activities for unacceptable ones. • Example: If he is angry at the block area, lead him to a different area of the room and introduce a different activity

10. Let’s practice……. 4. Positive Statements • Clearly states what is expected, then help them get started • When guiding children, phrase all requests in a positive manner • When giving directions • talk to children on their eye level • Example: say, “Let’s walk to the blocks,” rather than, “Don’t run to the blocks”

11. Don’t sit on the counter Don’t you ever clean your room Don’t hit your brother Don’t run Don’t go in the road Don’t yell at me Don’t put your dish in the sink Please sit on the chair Please keep your room clean. ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ DON’T – PLEASE DONegative statement Positive Statement

12. 5. Limited Choices • Do not give him an unlimited choice unless he can really have what is chosen. • Give “Either – Or” and “When-Then” choices • Only give choices that are available. • Example: “Do you want juice or water for a drink?” rather than, ‘What would you like to drink?”

13. Use a place where there are no distractions or positive reinforcers 6. Time Out • When a child has disobeyed a rule, she will be sent to a predetermined place to distance herself from the problem and gain composure. • The time spent in time out relates to the child’s age. • Should be a last option, limited use.

14. STATE Assignment #8 in study guide: • Read the 3 child rearing problems or case studies involving a child/children and their parents, a group of children, or a group of children and an adult(s). • Suggest a positive guidance technique to be used to solve them.

15. 7. Be a Good Role Model Remember that children imitate you. Don’t expect them to be different than what you are. If swearing is not OK for them to do, then you shouldn’t swear. Be polite and courteous and treat them with respect. Treat them as responsiblepeople.

16. Read graffiti • 8. Children become what they are told they are.

17. Responsive to children's’ needs. Indifferent to children, ignore them Reject their children Critical, derogatory, dissatisfied with their children. Warm, understanding and accepting. Hostile and antisocial Poor self-control, difficulty with social interactions when teenagers. Compliant with parent’s wishes Happy and friendly Dissatisfied with themselves. Match

18. Responsive to children's’ needs. Indifferent to children, ignore them Reject their children Critical, derogatory, dissatisfied with their children. Warm, understanding and accepting. Hostile and antisocial Poor self-control, difficulty with social interactions when teenagers. Compliant with parent’s wishes Happy and friendly Dissatisfied with themselves. Matching Key

19. Authoritarian: Limits without Freedom. • Parents’ word is law, parents have absolute control. • Misconduct is punished • Affection and praise are rarely give • Parents try to control children's’ behavior and attitudes • They value unquestioned obedience • Children are told what to do, how to do it, and where to do it, and when to do it.

20. Obedient Distrustful Discontent Withdrawn Unhappy Hostile Not High Achievers Often Rebel Children from authoritarian homes are so strictly controlled, either by punishment or guilt, that they are often prevented from making a choice about a particular behavior because they are overly concerned about what their parents will do or say. Outcomes of Authoritarian Style

21. Permissive: Freedom without limits. • Parents allow their children to do their own thing. • Little respect for order and routine. • Parents make few demands on children. • Impatience is hidden. • Discipline is lax • Parents are resources rather than standard makers • Rarely punish • Non controlling, non-demanding • Usually warm • Children walk all over the parents

22. Aggressive Least self-reliant Least self-control Least exploratory Most unhappy Children from permissive homes receive so little guidance that they often become uncertain and anxious about whether they are doing the right thing. Outcome of Permissive Parenting

23. Democratic: Freedom within limits. • Parents set limits and enforce the rules • Stress freedom along with rights of others and responsibilities of all • Willing to listen receptively to child’s requests and questions. • Provides both love and limits • Children contribute to discussion of issues and make some of their own decisions • Exert firm control when necessary, but explain reasoning behind it. • Respect children’s interest, opinions, unique personalities. • Loving, consistent, demanding • Combine control with encouragement • Reasonable expectations and realistic standards.

24. Happy Most self-reliant Most self-control Content, friendly, generous Cooperative High-achiever’ Less likely to be seriously disruptive or delinquent Children whose parents expect them to perform well, to fulfill commitments, and to participate actively in family duties, as well as family fun, learn how to formulate goals. They also experience the satisfaction that comes from meeting responsibilities and achieving success SCENARIOS Outcomes of Democratic Style

25. In groups of three or four develop a comic strip, case study, or story that fits each parenting style. • Groups pass their stories to other groups and have them read them to see if they can identify the parenting style.