Be a Buddy, Not a Bully

1. Be a Buddy, Not a Bully Everyone’s Part of the Solution Anti-Bullying Specialist Melanie Siliato

2. What is Bullying? Intentional and repeated negative/harmful acts, words or behaviors to someone with less power. Bullied students are teased, harassed, and assaulted verbally or physically.

3. Bullying Can Take Many Forms • Physical Violence • Verbal taunts, name-calling, and put-downs • Threats and intimidation • Extortion or stealing money and/or possessions • Spreading rumors • Harassment via technology (email, text messaging, etc.)

4. PHYSICAL BULLYING

5. VERBAL BULLYING

6. SOCIAL BULLYING

7. Characteristics of a Bully • Want power • Have a positive attitude toward violence • Have quick tempers • Have difficulty conforming to rules • Gain satisfaction from inflicting injury and perceive “rewards” (prestige, material goods) from their behavior • Lack empathy • Are willing to use others to get what they want

8. At the Root of Bullying Behavior • Lack of warmth/involvement by parents • Indifferent attitudes or acceptability of the behavior at home/in school • Rigidity • Physical Discipline • Lack of Supervision • Need for power/control

9. Characteristics of Victims • Quiet and passive • Physically weaker than peers • Lack confidence and friends • Can be anxious or aggressive • Can be socially awkward

10. Victims Can be at Risk for • Physical and/or mental illness • Social Isolation • Absenteeism/Academic Failure • Becoming Perpetrators/Retaliating • Alcohol/Drug use and abuse • SUICIDE

11. Signs that a Child is Being Bullied • Physical • Emotional • Behavioral/Social • Academic

12. Physical Signs • Cuts, bruises, scratches • Headaches, stomachaches • Damaged possessions • “Missing” possessions that need to be replaced

13. Emotional Signs • Withdrawal and/or shyness • Anxiety • Depression • Aggression

14. Behavioral / Social Signs • Changes in eating or sleeping habits (e.g. nightmares) • No longer wanting to participate in activities once enjoyed • Beginning to bully siblings or mistreat family pets • Hurting self, attempting or threatening suicide • Suddenly changing friends

15. Academic Signs • Not wanting to go to school • Changing method of going to school (e.g. changing walking route, wanting to be driven instead of riding the bus) • Drop in grades

16. What to do about Bullying STRATEGIES FOR • Children who are bullied • Children who witness bullying • Parents

17. Children who are Bullied • Tell an adult • Talk it out • Walk away • Stay close to teachers or adults • Distract the bully with a joke • Avoid the bully • Hang out with friends • Stand up for yourself

18. Children who Witness Bullying • Tell the bully to stop • Help the victim walk away • Recruit friends to help the victim • Befriend the victim • Get an adult

19. Parents can Prevent Bullying • Keep an eye out for signs of bullying • Ask children direction questions about how peers treat them and if they witness bullying • Be a positive role model by not bullying children or adults • Gather information about any incidents your child brings to your attention • Express continual care and concern

20. Parents can Prevent Bullying Continued • Empathize with child, “That must be really hard for you” • Encourage your children to explore activities that make them feel good about themselves • Encourage them to stand up for themselves as well as their peers and other friends • Encourage them to learn about themselves and to learn and excel being exactly who they are • Teach your child the difference in their interpretations of life situations

21. Keeping your Child from Bullying Others If your child is doing the bullying: • Spend time with your child daily • Know where you child is and with whom • Make it clear that you do not tolerate the behavior, but that you still accept your child • Arrange for an effective nonviolent consequence if your child continues to bully • Reward good behavior • Teach your child positive ways of solving problems and managing anger

22. Creating Solutions Perpetrators • Accountability for their actions • Appropriate Consequences • Individual interventions promoting pro-social behaviors

23. Creating Solutions Victims • Accountability for reporting incidents • Teach and practice assertive skills • Help build self-esteem • Do not encourage a “poor me” mind set

24. Creating Solutions Bystanders • Accountability for assisting victims • Accountability for reporting incidents • Praise their positive efforts

25. Bullying Statistics • 1 out of 5 kids admits to being a bully, or doing some "bullying." • 77% of students are bullied mentally, verbally, & physically. • About 56% of all students have witnessed a bullying crime take place while at school. • There are about 282,000 students that are reportedly attacked in high schools throughout the nation each month.  • About 1 out of every 10 students drops out or changes schools because of repeated bullying.

26. Bullying Statistics Continued • Out of the 77% of those bullied, 14% have a severe or bad reaction to the abuse. • Peers are present during 88% of bullying episodes. • 83% of students say bullying makes them uncomfortable. Students don’t stand up to bullying because they are anxious about being bullied themselves, they don’t want to alienate themselves from popular peers, or they simply don’t know what to say and do. • Nearly half of suicides among 10 to 14-year-olds are due to bullying.

27. Resources • Njbullying.org • Bullyingstatistics.org • Itsmylocker.com • Cyberbullying.org • Stopbullying.gov • NCPC.org • Pbskids.org