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Being the Right Person

Being the Right Person. Rev. Phillip Schanker October 15, 2011. Family Breakdown. Is America’s Great Moral and Social Crisis. From 1970 to 2000: Rate of marriage declined by one third Divorce rate has doubled Married couples with children declined by one third

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Being the Right Person

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  1. Being the Right Person Rev. Phillip Schanker October 15, 2011

  2. Family Breakdown Is America’s Great Moral and Social Crisis • From 1970 to 2000: • Rate of marriage declined by one third • Divorce rate has doubled • Married couples with children declinedby one third • Out-of-wedlock births have tripled • Cohabitation (couples living together without marriage) has increased 1000 % • Source: U. S. Bureau of the Census • Current Population Reports, 1970-2000

  3. Family Breakdown Damages the Individual Divorce is the #1 cause of childhood depression. National Institute of Child Health & Human Development Family breakdown is the #1 cause of suicide by young men. 1994 Duke University study Children of divorce are 5 times more likely to be suspended from school; 3 times as likely to need psychological counseling; twice as likely to repeat a grade; are absent from school more, late to school more often, and show more health problems. Dr. Gene Brody “Study of Competence of Children & Families”

  4. Family Breakdown Damages the Individual Children Raised in Single Parent Homes Account For: • 75% of all youth in substance-abuse programs • 63% of all youth suicides • 75% of all youth in correctional institutions • 70% of all teen pregnancies • Centers for Disease Control / US Bureau of Justice VICIOUS CYCLE  85% of teen fathers abandon their child and its mother.

  5. Family Breakdown The United States leads the industrialized world in the: • percentage of single-parent homes (23%) • abortion rate (22.9 / 1,000 women aged 15-44), • sexually transmitted diseases • teenage birth rate • use of illegal drugs by students (44.9 % in ‘98) • size of the prison population (327 / 100,000).. Source: "Lost in America" by Tom Clegg and Warren Bird

  6. Who am I ? What kind of person am I?

  7. My Ideal Mate • Write an honest list of traits you look for in your ideal mate…

  8. My Ideal Mate • “Young singles looking for a romantic partner are typically attracted to external traits. Physical attractiveness, economic potential and social status are usually high on the list. These are not, however, the qualities that they are likely to value in their spouses after they marry. Happily married couples, when they evaluate each other, tend to emphasize inner qualities: caring, honesty, trust, fidelity, commitment, and self-sacrifice for the sake of the marriage. They value communication skills, companionship, and humor.” • Thomas and Judy Lickona, Sex, Love and You

  9. My Ideal Mate • Write an honest list of traits you look for in your ideal mate… • Does your list… • …look like you?

  10. Does This Work… ? Classified Ad: “SWM, unhappy, dull, unsociable and self-absorbed couch potato ISO… “SWF, interesting, warm, spiritual and outgoing with a passion for life.”

  11. My Ideal Mate “You should concentrate on perfecting yourself first. Then you can begin to think of attaining an ideal partner.” Rev. Moon

  12. Goal:Become the PersonI Want My Mate to Be “To be loved, be lovable.” Ovid “No matter how good your partner is, you will not be able to see his or her value without you yourself being the best.” Father

  13. True Love Begins… Not by finding the right person, but by… Being the right person.

  14. Lasting Love C hemistry? ompatibility? onvenience? HARACTER OMMITMENT OMMUNICATION OMPANIONSHIP

  15. Questionable Idea:My Mate Will Make Me Whole John R Williams

  16. What Does It Mean to Bethe Best Person I Can Be? Taking responsibility: To become as healthy and mature as possible To be a blessing to my mate

  17. Paradox: One Plus One = One Marital oneness builds on personal maturity Unity of Mind & Body (individual perfection) 2. Harmony of Man & Woman

  18. My ImmaturityBurdens My Mate Not fair to depend on my spouse to make up for my shortcomings Self-centeredness Lack of self-discipline Lack of self-respect Unhappiness

  19. Key to Maturity: Attitude of Responsibility External responsibility (excellence) Internal responsibility (excellence)

  20. Questionable Idea: Marriage Is Supposed to Make Me Happy John R Williams

  21. Marriage Is an Opportunity to Be Happy “Marriage does not make us happy—it makes us married. We make ourselves happy if we choose to.” Frank Pittman We tend to be as happy in marriage as is our habit… “The strongest characteristic of a marriageable person is the habit of happiness.” Dr. Mary G. Landis

  22. Do I Have the Habit of Happiness? Do I view difficulties as challengingor discouraging? 2. Can I be happy even when things don’t go my way? 3. Do I usually count my blessings or what’s missing? 4. Do I often compare my situation to others? 5. Is my attitude shaped by what happens around me?

  23. Taking Responsibilityfor My Feelings 1. We decide how positive we will be Whether glass is “half-empty” or “half-full” 2. No one can make us joyful or angry We choose our attitude regardless of situation 3. A negative or positive outlook is a habit Cultivate positive mental habits- “weed garden”

  24. Marital Satisfaction Depends on Adapting My Attitude Happy couples are able to accept and adjust to what is outside their control Focus on the positive Avoid blame, self-pity and resentment

  25. Internally Responsible Attitude “I am committed to growing my heart and maturing my character to its full potential.” “I want to learn to love every kind of person.” “I want to take on difficulties to relieve others’ burdens and make a new future.” “I want to share God’s responsibility.”

  26. Becoming My Best Self • Self-identity • - self-knowledge / awareness • - self-worth • Maturity • - integrity • - conscience • - self-discipline • Personal Development • - interests, hobbies, etc. • - life goals, study, career • Purity • - Sexual abstinence • - Not a “line,” but a lifestyle & attitude of heart • 5. Sociability, Capacity to Love

  27. Family & Relationships Spiritual Maturity Personal Maturity precedes intimate relationships

  28. God Mind Body Perfected Person The Purpose of Creation First Purpose Perfection of Individuality (be fruitful) True Love Words Actions Matthew 5:48 Character, Conscience, Integrity, Maturity

  29. God True Woman True Man Children The Purpose of Creation Second Purpose Perfection of the Family (multiply) True Parents True Love Malachi 2:15 Creating a Family of True Love

  30. God True Woman True Man Child Society Nation The Purpose of Creation True Parents Basic Unit of harmonious society, strong nation, peaceful World

  31. God All Things True Person Dominion of Love The Purpose of Creation Third Purpose Perfection of Dominion (dominion) True Love Stewardship Loving Dominion over natural world

  32. The Purpose of Creation Third Purpose Perfection of dominion

  33. The Family: The School of Love We grow through 4 Realms of Heart Children’s Love Conjugal Love Brother/sister Love Parental Love

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